I, Lynette Miller, am retiring from Marathon Running and All Triathlons
With a very, very heavy
I am announcing my retirement from ALL Marathon Running and ALL triathlons.
To some... this may seem extreme. Why all and aren't these healthy activities?
In a Nut-Shell:
As I reflected on what "triggers" my E-D Long-Distance Training came to mind.
Why? When I train, my food intake HAS to change from my normal every day eating.
1. I feel out-of-control and I feel the "starving" feeling after. I don't know if I am eating too much or too little. I come home from a long run and even though I hydrate and eat along the way I am STARVING. I used to think this was great I just "earned" my large meal. But, I still had the guilty feelings after I ate that I shouldn't have eaten THAT much etc..
2. I can't control my larger meals when having increased exercise and needing more calories.. I keep saying for ME because I know I am an ADDICT. I am BULIMIC. If you are an athlete and do not suffer from and ED then this does not apply to you. I am so worried my long - distance athlete friends will think I am judging them on this too, but I am not. NOT everyone is an alcoholic. So they can drink in moderation and an alcoholic can drink... NOTHING... that's me in this situation.
3. The training plans are too self-obsessive for me. I obsess over my own times and how I am going to improve and I am always thinking of Me, Me, ME....
SO... I was heart-broken... SOBBING. I did not want to give this up. So the alternative is to stay in and fear that my Eating Disorder will go away for a little while but re-surface at any time. My brother and I were planning on Qualifying for Boston TOGETHER. I put off going to Boston this year after I qualified last year to have my brother and I go together.
I had to call my brother and let him know. It was the most TENDER conversation I have had with him in my entire life. I cry writing about this. I told him I was so sorry and heart-broken and that I was not going to be able to do the marathon with him. I told him I am bulimic and that the training triggers me. I told him I was embarrassed and ashamed and have been trying to fix it for 10 years. It comes and goes. I always think I am recovered but I am NOT. SERIOUS changes had to be made. I told him I was sorry to let him down.
He said, "sister, you did not let me down. I am so proud of you no matter what. I love you and this changes NOTHING." He went on to just say how he supports me and loves me and will help me and immediately offered to NOT do the Ogden Marathon himself. I said NO, please, please, do it because this brings me into how I am okay with all of this.
I want to be the CHEERLEADER and a coach. I will reflect on YOUR plans and tell you what I think about YOUR plans and what YOU are doing. I will give you my advice and you are welcome to take it or leave it, but I WANT to be involved helping YOU reach your goal. Just as you are going to help me reach MY GOAL of OVERCOMING This terrible Disease of Bulimia.
It was the most wonderful feeling. My cause now: TO HELP OTHERS reach THEIR GOALS athletically.
If you are on a training day that is moderate, I would LOVE to go out and run with you and support you. If you need swimming tips. ME, ME, ME... I am the swimmer chick that is FIRST out of the water on the swim. Did I tell you? Since I can brag now that I am retired. I beat former Olympian Summer Sanders on the swim portion of the Jordanelle Triathlon. It was one of my finest swimming moments.
But... NOW it is NOT about me it's about YOU. I WANT TO HELP YOU!!! It helps ME. I can feel like my new goals as an athlete are just as important as winning the RACE. Helping YOU cross that finish line and be happy with yourself makes me feel happy about me...
Lastly, what are my new fitness goals?
For me, they are harder than training for a marathon or triathlon.
I must control my exercise and exercise moderately (I know poor me that I have to moderate exercise) It's like a skinny girl saying it's hard to eat my minimum calories. But... it IS hard, I love pushing my body to its limits.
Goal - Daily Moderate Cardio and Strength Training