Advertisement -- Learn more about ads on this site.

    SUNSHINE65   72,575
60,000-79,999 SparkPoints

Jury Duty...

Friday, January 11, 2013

I have read thes several times before but they always tickle my funny bone!

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, "isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?"
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year- old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you kidding me?

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about 20, medium height, and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And, Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
And the best for last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No .
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.


And that my friends is a good example why, most politicians in our government and courts are lawyers and our nation is so screwed up.

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
2ABBYNORMAL 1/13/2013 12:41AM

    These are great. Stupid lawyers charging tons of money.
I need to get that book.

Report Inappropriate Comment
DALID414 1/11/2013 5:07PM


Report Inappropriate Comment
ALICERIEGER 1/11/2013 3:26PM

    That explains a lot.

Report Inappropriate Comment
CARRAND 1/11/2013 11:55AM


Report Inappropriate Comment
CINDYSDAY 1/11/2013 10:52AM


Report Inappropriate Comment
MISSDAISY23 1/11/2013 9:43AM


Report Inappropriate Comment
MRE1956 1/11/2013 7:34AM


Report Inappropriate Comment
DOVESEYES 1/11/2013 6:56AM

    ha ha scream emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
THRIVE2DAY 1/11/2013 2:54AM

    That was GREAT! emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
THESUBY 1/11/2013 2:47AM

    Love it! Thanks for posting!

Report Inappropriate Comment

Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

Log in to post a comment.

Other Entries by SUNSHINE65