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People Being Judgmental Sucks

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Surprisingly, this blog has nothing to do with weight. It does, however, have to do with food. Today on Facebook I asked my friends to expound on the qualities of joining BJ's Wholesale Club, particularly to save money on meats. Someone on my friends list responded with the following sentence: "Meat is murder, Andrea. Just sayin'."

Now...I am a relatively sensitive person about certain things. I don't judge people on being vegetarian, or vegan, or raw foodies, or whatever. To be sure, I do NOT agree with these dietary choices for ME. For other people, sure, but they will not work for me. (Okay, maybe I judge A LITTLE, I think everyone judges a little, but I would never go on someone Facebook page and tell them their diet is wrong or stupid. Because it isn't.)

Those of you who have followed me previous blogs know I come from a background of verbal/emotional abuse. I spent my childhood until I was 26 years old being told that I was a bad person for some reason or another. I have reached a point in my life where I take offense very much when someone implies in one way or another that in some way I'm living my life wrongly when nothing I am doing is harming another human being.


So why do people feel like it's okay to say these things? Why do we have to force our beliefs on other people? I have strong opinions. They are about how I live my life. They don't work for everyone, but they work for me. People are different, and have the right to be so.

NOBODY IS PERFECT. I'm not perfect, not by any means.

So how did I respond?

"Then call me a murderer because I won't be becoming a vegetarian any time soon, ask my best friend (who had been a vegetarian in the past and now eats poultry and seafood and lately BACON), she's known me 20 years."

The response I received was "I still love you. Killer. =)"

I'm finding it really hard to not be angry. Part of this is probably because I'm PMSing. This stupid post on Facebook MADE ME CRY. Sad, really.

But the point is this:

Yes, I want you to like me. I want people to like me more than anything. But I'm not going to change who I am to please you and I'm not going to feel guilty for being who I am. Or at the very least I'm going to try not to feel guilty. That's a work in progress. And I will NEVER try to change you. I will argue with you, I will disagree with you, but I would NEVER expect you to change for me.

If you don't like it... stick it where the sun don't shine. emoticon
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • TINA5318
    1877 days ago
    Nobody should push their beliefs or way of life on anyone else. I don't eat land animals, but I do eat fish and seafood. So what? This is what works for me, it doesn't work for everyone. I tried to be a vegan, but could not pull it off 100%, oh well. I found what works for me, and respect people for who they are.
    Okay minus my husbands brother-in-law, who would not even pass a damn plate that had asparagus on it. I was not asking him to eat it, I was handing it to him to pass along to his wife. Oh, and he has the nerve to tell my 22 month old it is okay to not eat broccoli, even though my son LOVES broccoli. He I will judge, behind his back but I will.
    There are plenty of things that I do as a parent that others don't agree on, so therefore odds are I don't 100% agree with other parents. I just keep my ways to myself, because I know others will call me "wrong". Everyone is different and just need to do what works for them.

    I don't care that you eat meat and I don't. I like you for who you are as a person. emoticon
    1889 days ago

    Comment edited on: 1/16/2013 9:28:41 AM
  • _MOBII_
    Eating meat is murder? And eating veggies isn't? All those poor plants...they get eaten by people AND the other part of my dinner!
    Our bodies were made to eat meat...we even have the sharp teeth to prove it!

    Eating meat vs. not eating it is getting close to politics and religious beliefs. People are thumping their politician, their bible, AND their plants these days!
    Sheesh! Can you imagine what a religious-vegan-politician would be like?
    *Knock knock knock*
    "Do you have a moment to talk about what the bible says about eating meat...we must stone you to death now...oh and I posted my candidacy sign on your lawn, hope you don't mind!"

    I agree with you...they can stuff it.

    *Disclaimer- No plants, politicians, vegans, or zealots were harmed in the posting of this message.
    1891 days ago

    Comment edited on: 1/14/2013 1:46:06 PM
    Ugh. People are mean. I'm sorry it got you down.

    I don't blame vegetarianism though. I blame Facebook. I don't have a page, and I NEVER WILL.

    If this person can't be a friend to you (by ACTING like one, not clicking some button) then you should disconnect from them. You don't need someone in your life who sees you as a place to graffiti their opinions and pet causes instead of a person.
    1893 days ago
    The previous post is mine, I posted with my mum's account by mistake emoticon

    I know it's hard, but try to take into consideration what I say to myself: I value the opinion of people who I respect. For all the others, I don't care, because I don't like/respect/admire them.

    People who love don't judge, they only offer their advice.

    1894 days ago

    Comment edited on: 1/11/2013 4:52:46 PM
  • KATERINA1961
    I know it's hard, but try to take into consideration what I say to myself: I value the opinion of people who I respect. For all the others, I don't care, because I don't like/respect/admire them.

    People who love don't judge, they only offer their advice.

    1894 days ago
    Delighted at your respon se and so sorry this stuff came up for you. Many people show their ingnorance or simple lack of common sense on the internet - I think because they feel relatively distant from their posts. As our society becomes more attached to cell phones and internet, people often seem to be getting less socially adept and more self centered.

    As the old saying goes: OPINIONS ARE LIKE A$$HOLES - EVERYBODY HAS ONE

    I would send a more private communication to that person - assuming I give a flying fig about them. Otherwise, unfriend them and let them take their creepy attitude elsewhere. Life is too short to spend your time dealing with stupid or meanspirited people if you can avoid that. emoticon
    1894 days ago
    Geez! What a response! I might have unfriended them, honestly. :-/ One of my high school "friends" recently posted a rant about new people joining the gym in Jan. Something like "Get off my treadmill and out of my gym." Yeah, I get it you're annoyed because your TM wasn't free, but dang that was rude! I almost posted that I was thinking of joining a gym but was afraid of getting jumped for using the TMs! :-P People are nuts sometimes!
    1894 days ago
  • MARTY728
    I agree with FEB_SHOWERS16!

    When they get on me, I love telling vegans that science has proved that plants have feelings (this is true) and show those feelings in how they react to stimulants. Plants produce seeds and seeds are similar to animals offspring. An apple is nothing more than the apple tree's offspring in a cocoon of nutrients that will help the seeds grow into a strong tree. So even vegetarians are babykillers! Using this tack and delivering it with conviction, I have gotten vegans to cry. When I encounter the ones that claim they eat nothing that has a face, I counter with my babykiller rant. Of course I only do this if they start in on me. And yes I have friends and relatives that are vegans. They know not to poke the bull, because they will get the horns.

    Now I am ready to go, so who do I have to set straight for you? emoticon
    1894 days ago
  • VALYNN26
    WOW! Some people! Sending Big emoticon
    1894 days ago
    My reply to "Meat is murder" has historically been, "Murder is delicious."

    In the cold light of day, do you think you might have had a hypersensitive reaction to this? Yes, she made a judgmental, unasked for, nonrelated to the subject at hand comment. No doubt about that. But to have become this angry and upset by that exchange might not be the greatest thing ever.

    When we allow other people's small minded actions to control our emotions, we lose our ability to govern ourselves. Don't let 'em do it!
    1894 days ago
    Wow! They are very passive-aggressive. I was vegetarian for 7 years and wouldn't judge anyone for eating meat. It was their body and their choice.. I wouldn't convince them any other way!

    I would start evaluating who you keep on your Facebook..only keep positive people!
    1894 days ago
    Wow. I am VERY much the same as you when it comes to this issue. It's so very frustrating when you try to be open and accepting of others, but it doesn't feel like people do the same for you. It sucks. I probably would have either commented "not cool" and left it at that, deleted all the comments, or started detailing all the furry little animals you could eat just to annoy her LOL. Mmmm little bunny foo foo for dinner tonight! haha Either way I"m glad you came here to vent. It's nice to know that we can vent about whatever here, because in reality anything that deals with stress or emotion can totally be connected with our health journey here. Hope you are feeling better about things today!
    1894 days ago
  • PUNKY100
    Oh the internet, how we love AND despise thee.

    I just wonder if this person would have acted the same way if you would have asked them in person...and now I'm giggling because if you walked up to a friend and asked 'what do you think of this place for buying meat?' and they just yelled in your face 'meat is murder!' I think you would have very valid cause to either slap them or give them a 'WTF mate!' look.

    I hate it when people post on facebook and it has NOTHING to do with your original how is that helping you decide whether to go there or not? Ugh, people. This is why I usually just re-post funny things on facebook...I rarely ask questions of my FB friends, because I know how they are.

    Anywho, I'm glad you're feeling better today!! If you ever want a laugh at how stupid people can be on facebook:

    That is all. :-P
    1894 days ago
    Ugh. She was totes being judgy. She's tried to "iron it out" with the "Love ya! Smiley face!" retort, but she was being judgy. Frankly, at no point is it necessary or warranted to shove your obviously different opinion in someone else's face, especially in a hateful manner.

    Took me ages, but this reminded me of an image I saw recently:


    Because, look, it was a super cute way to ask a girl out but NO MY OPINION MATTERS MOST.

    Or, in your case, hey guys, I'm trying to save money, is BJs a good idea NO MEAT IS BAD MY OPINION MATTERS MOST (LOL!).


    Do what I do: realize that the person is a self-centered, insensitive **** and forget about it. She doesn't respect your opinion/needs, so you don't have to acknowledge hers.

    Of course, maybe I'm just mean, but maybe I'm happier being a little mean.
    1894 days ago
    I have very little wisdom to add to what's already been said. I especially agree with Lulubelle. Tone just doesn't translate, especially when we are pms-ing behind a computer screen and we have baggage that sets the tone in our own head. Just want to say, you did NOT deserve ANY verbal/emotional abuse EVER. Especially not in childhood. I am so sorry you had that in your life, but YOU ARE WORTHY of all the LOVE this world can give. Just wanted to re-enforce that with you. You are a GOOD person. You are in the process of healing from years of being told a lie and you don't need anyone coming along to pick at your scabs for you.
    I wish for you plenty of warm, loving words that sink into your heart. For healing that comes softly, gently, and soothing. For plenty of hugs and smiles and understanding. You DESERVE that.
    Saying a prayer just for you today - that you feel all the love in the world. Even through the pms.
    I think you're awesome.
    1894 days ago
    Facebook is the devil. emoticon Judging by my obsessive compulsive use of it, I worship Satan. emoticon lol

    I can relate to just about everything in your blog. Totally get where you are coming from and have been there many times. FB posts, in particular ones as you describe, makes me angry- A LOT!

    Hang in there hon, you have the right idea. YOU are proof that you know what you are doing IS right for YOU. Look at how far you have come. As difficult as it is not to take to heart what people say- keep trying because in the end, they don't matter, only you do. emoticon
    1894 days ago
    I think that a lot of things said in jest on Facebook end up hurting feelings because we cannot hear the tone in which they are said, or see the facial expression of the person who said them, so you really have to think about whether the person is a jerk or not.

    If the person is a jerk, then I would defriend, or at the very least have a conversation with them about why you were upset. If it is someone who is not a jerk, or who is a close friend (and I would assume that your close friends are not jerks) then maybe you let it slide, or tell them that they are out of line. I have a vegetarian friend who regularly tells me I am a murderer, and I respond by posting pictures of bacon on her facebook page. We get a long just fine.
    emoticon mmmm bacon

    I would also maybe take into account that you are PMS-y. Just yesterday I had to walk away from an email I was about to send because I knew that I was hormonal and cranky and that I would not be as upset after a night's sleep and a little time to calm down. And I'm not. I came in to work today and deleted it.

    I'm sorry this person made you upset. People are insensitive more often than they are consciously cruel. You should talk to her.
    1895 days ago
    I'm sorry that happened to you :( I get worked up sometimes by jerks on the internet too. Usually they aren't freinds, though. WTF, mate!

    In my mind, I'd see that person as acting one of two ways:

    Either they didn't know they were pushing my buttons, or they knew it and were doing it on purpose to be a jerk.

    Depending on my mood, I'd pick a motivation for them without even talking to them and get really wound up over it. Sometimes I'll even hold a grudge when the other person doesn't know I'm angry! I think it's best to talk these things out, and if that person wants to try to convert you into not eating meat after all that... then the situation is pretty hopeless, I guess!

    I remember your "I shot a gun!" post, and I honestly didn't know it was a controversial thing to do! I suppose it depends on where you grow up and where you live maybe? I grew up in the midwest, and my dad made his own guns. He carved the rifle stocks by hand, etc, and there's even a photo of me at like.. 3 or something ( I have no idea) wearing diapers operating a lever to help make bullets :X I've personally never shot one, and I'm not a big fan of guns, but I suppose the way I grew up lets me understand the gun culture a little bit? I dunno, I think I'm pretty tolerant. I don't think shooting one is all that controversial, at any rate. lol It seems like it could be fun in a safe environment like a shooting range! I've always thought that clay pigeons and a shotgun would be a fun sport.

    Anyway, I really got sidetracked.

    I know when people push buttons and get under my skin like that, it's hard for me to let it go. I hope that you have an easier time with it than I would. I try to remember that if all people were the same and got along perfectly, it would be pretty boring. We define ourselves by our interactions with other people, so every conversation with someone else is a chance for personal growth! I guess thinking like that is kinda selfish, but I'm a kind of selfish person :P
    1895 days ago
    Those that matter don't mind and those that mind don't matter!

    I have been judged alot in the last two years on my beliefs so I know how you feel and the ones who are still in my life I know are the ones who I want to be there for ever.
    1895 days ago
    Gotta watch out for the whack jobs on Spark... there are plenty of them! Vegans can be especially nutty. There is the exception (I've known some very reasonable and non-pushy Vegans), but it's often not just about diet for them; it's a religion. Just do what you would do with any religious fanatic: IGNORE them!
    1895 days ago
    There are a lot of patient people on SparkPeople. You should take their advice. Me? I'm not one of them. My little fat finger would have hit the unfriend button so fast the polish would have flown off my nail. (not really. I don't wear nail polish. But you get my meaning.)

    Life is too short...
    1895 days ago
    1895 days ago
  • LYNNA1968
    Good for you, standing up for yourself. You asked a specific question & your eating habits wasn't part off it. I'm a carnivore also doesn't make you bed so tell "em to bite you! Lol
    1895 days ago
    I am sorry you are going through this. It was quite rude of that person to comment on your status in the way they did. I agree with the others that perhaps you should talk to that person and let them know their negativity / rudeness is not appreciated.

    I love Bj’s wholesale club. I’ve had a membership over this past year and plan on renewing. They do have some great prices on meats but like others recommended be sure to compare to your local grocery stores weekly sales. They also have great prices on produce and organic produce compared to the grocery stores around my area so check that out as well. Even better with other stuff you can coupon stack by using member coupons AND manufactures coupons. My latest wooohoo was I got a 5 pack of name brand toothpaste for 1 dollar by the time I was done coupon stacking! :D Be sure to get a coupon book when you sign up (which after that they will send them to you in the mail every month) and check at the front for their flyers that have extra coupons.

    1895 days ago
    1895 days ago
    I agree with to them. They may think they are "joking" and may not comprehend how it hurt you, but if they dgas, then unfriend them. You don't need the harrassment or negativity.

    There's just me, myself, and I....and the cat in my household, and I belong to Costco. As long as you have a place to STORE all of the stuff, I say join. Now, not everything is cheaper. You have to be a savvy consumer, and I don't do the bulk of my shopping there. However, what I DO buy, I save a lot on! As far as meats go, you have to know the specials your local stores are running. For example, the Fairway by me has boneless, skinless chicken thighs on sale this week for $1.79 a pound. That's nuts! And last week they had Poland Spring Water, 16.9 oz. bottles/24 pack on sale for 3/$9.97, which was cheaper than Costco.

    I think you recoup the cost of the membership through your savings by your second shopping trip, so it can save you money in the long run. You can also go shopping with a friend and split larger packages of things between the 2 of you for even more savings.
    1895 days ago
    You may want to talk to that person and let him/her know how you feel. S/he might not know that you're upset about it and can't change his/her behavior without knowing that. And if s/he learns of this and does nothing, ditch him/her. It's not worth keeping someone around if s/he feels that talking in a manner that upsets you is okay.
    1895 days ago
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