Thursday, January 10, 2013
Honesty. Such a simple word isn't it? I consider myself to be honest in almost every area of my life. If I do lie... people see right through me and know I am telling a lie. If they don't see right through me; the guilt ends up eating me so bad that I will apologize and tell you that I lied.
Thinking about honesty today I realized that the one person I lie to all the time is ME. I tell myself and convince myself that just eating one of something is no big deal. But that ONE leads to another... and another. I tell myself I am ugly. I tell myself I am fat and unlovable. I tell myself I am unworthy to be loved or befriended by anyone. I have lied to myself for so long that I have started to believe those lies. These are lies put in my head not of a Holy God... but of the evil one who knows my weakness. I know the truth that no matter what I am a Child of God and I am his Princess. That is THE TRUTH.
I have never given too much thought to the link between my spiritual life and my "FOOD" life. But going to OA meetings has really brought into light how I have been holding TIGHT to this one area of my life and not giving it to the ONE who can actually handle it and take it on for me. This is a battle not only of my mind, but a spiritual battle.
I am far from saying I am "RECOVERED" from my Over Eater Eating disorder. But I am starting to enter into recovery. I am going to OA meetings and trying my best to be the Woman God wants me to be. I figure now that I have totally whole heartily given it to God... anything is possible.