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I need to not care...

Wednesday, January 09, 2013

So today was a decent day. It was a nice day out, almost 40ish, sun, and gusty breezes...Sadly, I didn't think my poor little legs could take another day of running, so i didn't go out and run. I am slightly regretting it because it was so nice. Oh well, I did go to my zumba class tonight. It was fun. There were like 3 or 4 new people, and they invaded my space (yes, I'm one of those annoying people that have a spot and cannot move from it)...I did survive zumba though. I also burnt 650 calories, yay! (lets not talk about the weight thing, it is still going up!)

I've decided I need to not care so much. If you set me to do something, all I will do is worry. For example, I travel 5+ hours to my sister's house every couple months. I will have knots in my stomach the whole way down for fear that they have closed the road, there is a detour, etc. And I have to get off on the same exit for gas/food every time or else its sheer panic. Or pathetic as it is, I leave a half hour early for work just to make sure I will get a parking spot. yes, I know I'm pathetic. Sadly, my worrying is also why I now have so many stomach problems. When I was student teaching, I would get so nervous and worked up as soon as I woke up, that I would give myself a stomach ache. With the school (and bathroom) being a half hour away, I would have to take peptobismo to simply make the trip. Needless to say, 9 weeks of peptobismo every morning, yea, I wouldn't advise it at all....

Back to the point of my post...I need to give up worrying and caring so much...I can only control so much, and what I can't, I just have to assume it will work out just fine. Yea I know, it sounds all good, it won't happen, but I can slowly work on it, right?

Anyways, yesterday, I went for a 3 mile jog. It took me 45 minutes to run it. But I made it. I ran around the school I subbed in for the day. I ran around a circle of residential houses (.6), and then along the main road to a certain point, turn around, come back (1.2) and repeat the main road (1.2)...

I ran a similar path (1.8 miles) on Monday. When I got to zumba, the one lady said she saw me and we talked about it. It made me happy that someone took the time to say something so nice.

Yesterday, I was tired and moving slow (but still moving). I was in my own little world running along, and a car came up along (on the road) and floored it when it got to me. I was running on the shoulder (super wide shoulder) because the side walks were slush and ice. I wasn't in the way or anything, they were just being jerks. So I ran there, and in between my pants of air, I complained that they were jerks and what not. As I almost made it to my turn around point, the car came back on the other side and yelled some nasty things. I will admit I was oblivious at first, then realized it was meant towards me. It took me half way back to my car to actually realize how rude that was. But I just took it in, and came home. By then, I was fuming. I took some frustration out on family members (and apologized).

I came to a nice little resolution this morning though. Those people were simply jerks. They intentionally turned their old, rusted, and really bad for the environment car around to try and make me miserable...My only issue is, I let them make me miserable. But now I'm better. I realize that although I weigh 210 pounds and have 42% body fat, I am probably more healthy than they are. The fact that I am merely exercising. The fact that I am trying. The fact that I tried my hardest to make people smile today because of my bad day yesterday. I probably have more stamina than them, a more conditioned heart, and stronger muscles because I am working on them.....

So to the rude people in the rust-bucket of a car, to all the people who want to call me fat, to all the people who laugh when they see me run, to everyone who has a mean thought that they want to it! say it! try and hurt me! Because each time I run, I will be crushing people like you and your ugly comments. Each time I run, I will put distance on how much better I am than you. Each time I zumba, I will step on your words with the muscles I'm forming. Each time I exercise, I'm simply proving that I have more will power than you....
So to my rude friends, drive your in-desperate-need-of-a-muffler car, take another puff of your cigarette, down your calorie loaded and sugar spiked pop, and stop to get some trans-fat loaded burgers.........Because sooner or later, I'm going to be the skinny little thing running past you that you are envious of...

Have a great night!!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • MOVES327
    There are more good people than bad out there. Don't let the idiots win. Keep shufflin down the road, then when their bucket breaks down you can wave as you jog by! emoticon
    1428 days ago
    Congratulation on going out running. Are you running in the direction of traffic or against it. You should run against traffic, you want to see what is coming toward you, all running clubs are now teaching this, too many people have been hit from behind and I do not want to see you hurt by a sport I love. You are correct, you need to ignore them, even if you were the thinnest person in the world they would still find something to say because you are better then they are just by being out there running. Your nutrition range might be incorrect, when you increase your exercise you need to adjust your nutrition on the fitness page, if you lose more than ten pounds you need to adjust that on the weight page. You might be under eating, that caused my weight to go up and after the correction it is starting to come back down.
    Keep up the great work.
    1428 days ago
    Yes! Power On, Girl!
    You are doing fantastic!
    I love your attitude about the Rust-Bucket-Driver!
    And your worries, yes, you can work on relaxing and letting things go little bit by little bit.
    You are doing AWESOME, Kerrie!
    1429 days ago
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