Wednesday, January 09, 2013
Ok, so I have repeatedly made the point that I need to be unflinchingly positive if I want to achieve my health and fitness goals this time. I know that I need to be vigilant against my constant desire to find fault in myself and beat myself up and think super negative things about myself...since, despite what might work for others, that just sends me spiraling towards doom (both weight-wise and in terms of mental-health). I hate taking drugs for depression and they don't really seem to work very well anyway and just ugh.
I think one of the challenges for me though is going to be to find a way to do an appraisal of myself and my actions when I do NOT follow my plan or meet my goals. Without starting the shame-spiral that ends in potato chips, beer, and generic-brand prozac.
So this week, I went to the 'rents house on Sunday night and left Tuesday morning. Despite my public proclamations, I DID drink beer. And I ate chips. And I did not work out, not even once. I could go on about the positive choices I made this time and give the rationale for why some of those things happened, but I feel like that's just making excuses. I want to find a way to talk and think about the things that I'm doing that are NOT helping my journey, without turning into a hateful pity party or a list of failures that leaves me demoralized.
I am not sure how to do that yet. So I'm not going to. I was already near the tipping-point of despair yesterday and rescued myself with a long-ass workout and a refusal to even THINK about my not-successes.
But I am thinking about how to respond to myself critically without waking the Depression beast and would welcome any thoughts, suggestions, blogs of people who do this well, etc.