Wednesday, January 09, 2013
I binged yesterday. Horribly AND ironically binged, since I was reading Shape magazine and watching a DVR'd episode of The Biggest Loser at the time. :/
Back up about 5 hours earlier in the day, when a craving for salty carbs hit hard. I tried to distract myself, I tried the internal dialogue that reminded myself that eating junk food was not a step toward my goals, and that I wasn't really hungry I was probably just a little stressed, etc., etc....but this time the craving was just a little too strong, I was just a little too weak-willed, and I gave in.
I continued the rest of the day alright, cutting out any further snacks and eating a small protein-only dinner. I even worked out.
The problem was, when I was finished working out, I was pretty famished. I knew if I continued about my evening, had a big glass of water, took a shower, went to bed - I'd forget all about the hunger. But instead I started my DVR and had some popcorn instead. The popcorn lead to a "dessert" of sorts, in the form of waaaaay to many leftover cookies from the pantry as I flipped through the magazine.
Was it that feeling in the back of your mind you get when you already "ruined" a day that lets you talk yourself into further poor choices? Was it the distracted eating? Did I not eat enough carbs earlier in the day? Should I have had a slightly larger meal at dinner? I think it's a combination of all of the above. But really, deep inside I think I've come to the realization that grains, especially processed salty ones eaten without any protein, are a HUGE trigger for me. I'm not sure there is a place for them in my 80/20 balance.
All in all, I choose to look at this binge as a positive. I had a setback, but every step of the way, I was at least aware of my choices and the implications they'd have. I tried inner dialogue first. I am examining the root causes. I'm thinking that certain snack foods need the heave-ho. That at least is an improvement.
Now if I can just get to this point BEFORE I stuff 175 (not literally, but it sure felt like it after!) butter cookies in my face, that would be a real victory! One step at a time, right?