Wednesday, January 09, 2013
In my favorite SP group, I posted that I've been hit with the winter blues, and it's really getting me down. My dearest sister-in-law has been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and is refusing medical intervention (causing my big strong brother to call me at night and weep), and I received some very difficult news about work. Those things, along with short days, long nights, dirty snow, slippery roads, and bitterly cold weather, create a challenge for my mood that I have to tackle head on.
So, after I posted that, I got on the treadmill and started walking. I didn't feel like it. I didn't want to. But I also know that there's real truth that exercise releases endorphins that elevate mood.
It worked. It's worked ever morning this week, actually. I struggle out of bed, I force-feed myself a little protein, then I step on the treadmill against my will. Despite feeling like I'm carrying very heavy weights on my shoulders, I walk. I sweat out the crap that's weighing me down. I also take my mulitvitamin, my zinc, biotin, B-complex, and C supplements, and promise myself a reward for getting through the day (tonight it is playing scrabble). Yesterday it was a Law & Order marathon in my jammies. Tomorrow it might be knitting.
By the time I have to leave for work, my mood is at least stable to the point that I don't feel like crying. If (or when) this strategy stops working, I may have to get a full-spectrum light for 30 minutes of light therapy, but I'm going to wait on that.
All I know is that it feels wholly unpleasant to wake up with this, and I need to do whatever I can to lift it by the time I'm around my family because they deserve my true self, not this heavy, somewhat absent, replica.