I hate my size. I can't bend over hardly or lift my legs to cross them. I huff and puff going up and down stairs. I can't get on the floor to play with my daughter and her video games that she wants me to play with her SO much. I can't walk around the block evein without just about fainting and thats only ONE mile!

But I CAN do something about it. Like I'm doing now. Doing my chair a cise dvd. Drinking a ton of water to ward off hunger. Get more sleep so I feel better in my head thanks to God and my medication. I can set little goals and reach them like setting a goal of losing ten pounds by Valentine's day God willing.

Yeah being big sucks. But at least my fiance thinks I"m beautiful. He told me the other day "No you are NOT fat you are BEAUTIFUL." How can I respond to that? He hates it that I hate myself and my body. I just want some self esteem back. I want my hair to grow back where its fallen out due to my medication and stress.

I just want to be the old ME again. Happy healthy and confident. I miss her. WW.