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    DAUGHTEROFTWIN   19,983
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The Power of Belief


Wednesday, January 09, 2013

Yesterday I made a disturbing revelation. I was driving home from Zumba, thinking about my journey, trying to figure out where I took the wrong turn. When I first started Spark last January, I was pumped. I had read so many phenomenal stories of strength, perseverance and SUCCESS! More importantly, I developed a strong belief that I too could become thin. Not just healthier, but strong, lean, buff...thin. For about 8 months I maintained that confident march toward my goals. All I had to do was just do it and the rewards would be mine. And they were. I never for a second thought I would ever be a size 2. That's not what I'm talking about. I would be happy with a size 6, maybe 8. Whatever weight that is.

Until I stopped believing. That was my revelation last night. I realized I no longer have faith that I will be able to reach my goals; that I will ever be thin. I still know it is possible and I am continuing to strive toward that ever elusive vision of myself. I just don't seem to have the BELIEF.

Don't ask me why. I don't know.

As a result though, I feel myself pulling away from you. Have you noticed that too? I'm sorry.

This morning is a weigh day for me. After gaining 13 pounds over the holidays (yeah, you heard that right), I am more than a little scale shy. This past week I've been faithful to my exercise goals, moderately faithful to my eating goals and doing better on water. I broke down and had 2 sodas over the holidays. They weren't anything great and I'm not tempted by them now. I'm only drinking water and still struggling to consume 8 cups.

Over the next month I will be searching for that conviction I CAN in fact do this long term. That I CAN in fact drop to a size 6. I will be softly singing (out of key, of course) "Come on baby, light my fire."
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ASHPATCH11 1/13/2013 9:32PM

    You can do this! Set up some challenges to keep yourself motivated. Some people pay themselfs ...for every workout they get a dollar and if you meet ur calorie rang you get a dollar. Don't stop logging on you want this and this is possible you got this! emoticon emoticon

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67YKCEB 1/11/2013 10:38AM

    hmmmmmm ..... sounds like you hit a plateau. You've lost a ton of weight and now it's like yeah, well, whatever. But the awesome thing is that you are seeing that you have lost your drive. And you still want to lose weight, and your still on here and your still kind of sort of tracking. That means that you will find your drive, your belief, your desire, your mojo! And you will get into that pair of sexy skinny size six jeans!!
........ Remember when you stopped at that convenience store and those guys check you out?
....... And how about when you actually ran and even though you said that you never would?

YOU WILL GET THERE!!!!!
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QUERIDAANA 1/11/2013 3:42AM

    Yes. You can do it! You can recapture that motivation and the power of belief. You have already taken the first step. emoticon

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EMMAEKAY 1/10/2013 11:00AM

    All of this is SO true... but you know what else? There must be a tiny seed of hope and certainty left, because you haven't quit. You haven't killed your SP page, you haven't stopped planning or trying. You had a holiday! Everyone does. You're still amazing and awesome! You're still TRYING!

As long as you're TRYING, you're never FAILING!

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FITGRL124 1/10/2013 10:13AM

    Making that realization is the first step to getting to your goals! Good job!!!

Don't stress about that gain - you'll get back down and then some - I know it!

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BRADMILL2922 1/10/2013 6:35AM

    Just look at all the comments on your blog! You have so much support and you are not alone in this! Take it one day at a time and keep plugging away at it. You didn't do all that work over 8 months to give up now did you? I don't think so and I don't think any of your comments on here think so either! Hey, whatever works...even some out of tune Doors :)

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LOOZINITNOW 1/9/2013 10:10PM

    I struggle with the same thing. That is what led me right back to where I am at. But, I have decided that I am deserving and can do it. Hang in there! We will do this together!

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1HAPPYSPIRIT 1/9/2013 8:01PM

    I can really relate to this blog! I know the purpose of this journey comes from "within"....but I'm really grateful for your support and encouragement!

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TRUEREINVENTED 1/9/2013 7:38PM

    I guess for me, the lack of belief comes from all the times i have tried to lose weight and have not been successful..I have had many many "this is IT's" for me, its hard to keep hoping that THIS TIME WILL BE IT...but it might be, this time might be it...or is that wrong to say? But if I say 'this time WILL be it' i dont really believe it...how do you start believing it?? Managing each day?? staying focused day by day by day--but not setting TIME LIMITS??

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MSEMBERSTORM 1/9/2013 4:09PM

    We all face this from time to time. After coming off of a long process of this myself I can attest to that. That's why it is so good that you wrote about this. We are here. I find the more support I have and the more I immerse myself into spark and the healthy lifestyle the better I do. It is a long hard battle. You can accomplish this. We are here for you. Keep fighting you are worth it. You can Believe that!!!!

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LISAMG1220 1/9/2013 1:22PM

    Thank you for laying it out there and sharing with us. Just know that you are not alone. You know that I struggle constantly and stress tends to take the reigns on my plans alot. I am working through that and I know you can work through this. My resolution for last year was to be under 200 lbs....I wish I would have never made the dang thing. It was like I set myself up for failure, I am 8 lbs over my lowest weight in a year. I do blame that on the holidays but I also blame it on the fact that I set too big a goal for myself and it freaked me out. Don't let that size 8 freak you out and do not above all else become fixated on that number. I did that and failing at it has caused more damage than good for me. Fear of failure is the worse thing for me! We can do this!! I know we can. Smaller more attainable goals are the key. Just because we may get knocked down does not mean we have to stay down. :)

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ATTACKFATCAT 1/9/2013 12:02PM

    Thank you so much for sharing. I've been in that same boat myself. When I first started SP and lost my first 25 pounds, I was so pumped and ready to go. Each time I've come back since, it's been a little less pumped, and this time, I'm really dragging my feet. I know I need to do this, but I really don't want to.

I have to agree with LULUBELLE65 though on "fake it til you make it". I think we all hit these kinds of slumps, even the ones who have been on a weight-loss track for a long time. Working towards a goal like that for so long is exhausting. Maybe that size 6 or 8 can be a long term goal. Why not a short term goal to change things up? Like a new outfit in the next size down? Or a day at the spa if you can lose 5-10 pounds? Maybe taking your eyes off the long-term benefits and focusing on some short-term attainable goals will help build your confidence for the long haul and make this journey just a little more enjoyable.

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EMMACORY 1/9/2013 10:54AM

    Thank you for your honesty and vulnerability. I would add the observation that "Belief...Believing" is not a "feeling" but a "choice" . Keep making the choice each day to show up. Some days it is going to be slow as molasses to drop the weight but I believe if we keep working the program our bodies will respond. emoticon

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MRFUZZ 1/9/2013 9:49AM

    Your blog was speaking to me! I had not realky planned on what to do when i coud no longer go outside to exercise. That one thing was my undoing. Thats when i found myself quitting. Like a house of cards, it all started coming down.I found I was no longer exercising, and my weight? It went up. One donut became two, became just enjoy food today,etc. I don't know that I believe I can do this, but somehow I have been able to separate the two-diet and exercise-again, and treat them separately. My body needs the exercise to function. My health needs me to eat more moderately. So, I am getting back into it. I have a better PLAN now because I was able to dissect it and see where the undoing was. I lost some weight. So I CAN do it. That's what will help me get back to it.

It needs to again become habit to exercise first thing, and habit to eat until I am no longer hungry, not until the food is gone, or I am stuffed.

We can do this emoticon

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LADYFROMTHEWOOD 1/9/2013 9:39AM

    Yes, I have noticed you pulling away but was simply assuming you had a plate full of life. I'm SO glad you revealed what's been going on and shared it. You have to know you DESERVE health! You do! I agree with everything else everyone has commented too. Fake it, keep going, one day at a time, and if you realize that something in your head is eating at you to prevent you from believing in yourself, then tackle it!!! Don't be afraid to expose the deep, dark things that speak in the back of your mind, that hold you back. Look them in the face, confront them, call them liars, shine the light of day on any untruth that holds you back and expose them, beat them then discard them. Brutal, but I'm to that point where I am having to unpack more than pounds - I have to unpack the baggage in my heart too. You can do this. I believe in you! Go, girl, go!
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And ((((hugs)))) too!

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ADARKARA 1/9/2013 8:16AM

    You are most definitely not alone. It is definitely about believing in yourself, and believing in your goal. Is your goal too large? So you have small goals set up as milestones, or is your goal just your goal weight? I like to set small 15 lbs goals. When I reach that goal, I set a new one. It's manageable, and you only need to believe you can lose those 15. 15 pounds doesn't seem like much. If i had tried to lose my total lost so far of 70+ lbs all at once, I'd freak out!

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1935MARY 1/9/2013 8:05AM

    I too have felt this way. When I joined in August and sat my goals, my goal was 50lbs by March. It sounded easy and realistic pound a week. Well it is hard to get a pound off and sometimes the scale don't move for weeks . I thought about my goal and changed it to 15 by March and added walking back to my exercise program and I write down what I have accomplished, no matter how small. They all add up to victories. Count your blessings,be realistic, change can't to cans , take one day at a time. There is a smaller person inside all of us wanting out. Dream big and work hard and you will find that person. May God bless you and help you through your journey. You believed in yourself once you can again. We are all here for you. emoticon emoticon

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KIRCHREN 1/9/2013 8:02AM

    I can hear how frustrated you are, but it is very important that you know what's going on. It really sounds like you had a breakthru when you realized you aren't believing in your ability to get there.

I agree with LULUBelle, fake it til you make it. You may have lost your belief at some point, but just keep doing the right things. Eat right, work out, track your food, whatever you need to do to lose the weight. As the pounds drop off, you will more than likely begin to believe in your ability to get to a size 6. You can do this.

The holidays may have really thrown a bit of a hurdle in front of you, with the weight gain, but that same thing happened to so many of us. I gained weight over the holidays too, but I am not going to let that break my momentum. No regrets. Just pull myself together and do what's right today. Today's all you've got. Just do it today. The faith in yourself will come back.

You can do anything you set your mind to.
Kay

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LULUBELLE65 1/9/2013 7:51AM

    I have a friend who is a yoga teacher and she and I had a conversation over Christmas about my yoga practice, and the fact that I am a yoga non-believer. I do not have any great spiritual connection to yoga, it does not give me inner peace, and whenever they start to talk about "sending your breath to your leg muscles" I roll my eyes, because the only place breath can go to is your lungs, right?

And my friend's response was, "Just keep showing up to yoga class; you don't have to believe in it." Her feeling is that at some point I will be come a believer, and that even if I do not, and the mental benefits of yoga are lost to me, I will still reap the physical benefits of it.

In other words, "Fake it 'til you make it".

I don't know that you have to believe that you will be a size six, or even and eight. All you have to believe is that you are receiving some sort of benefit from your effort--maybe it's that you feel better when you don't drink soda, or that you have a nicer butt when you do Zumba twice a week (my butt is in a whole different place after 3 months of Zumba--it's AWESOME!) As you continue to feel better and look better, the goals that seem unreal may become much more realistic.

You got this thing.

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KNITTERLADY9 1/9/2013 7:49AM

  Thank you for discussing your struggle. You are not alone. Many of us have been there. It's important to remember this is a journey to becoming healthier people, not a number on the scale. You are incredible for facing where you are and choosing to continue the journey! Be proud of yourself that you aren't giving up. A wise person told me, "All you can do is continue to make the best choices you can today." Good for you for doing that! emoticon

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SEESKO 1/9/2013 7:40AM

    Great blog. You are so right. So much of our ability to become the healthy people we want to be is in our head. We need to believe we can do it or we wont. You can do it.

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