130 days until graduation!?!
Tuesday, January 08, 2013
Um... holy hell. I just made a countdown on my wall calendar. There's 130 days separating me from graduation. *gasp* *shock* *horror*!
I have written one review. Have only one chapter done out of the five or six that I am planning... don't have a job or a post-doc lined up... have to sell my house... and I'm still recovering from surgery.
I need to kick myself in the butt and get $hit done!
So instead of working out -- I'm going to focus on my diet. I've said this before but I really need to stick to this. Lately I've been mopey and whiney and in a horribly depressed state of mind. This whole healing process is exhausting. Lately its been a bit unbearable. I managed to change my 4 o'clock bandage myself. Yay me -- I used tape and got a rash from it but I did it myself. So my mom decided that she's good and can go home.
Cue 11 o'clock bandage change... different story. I tried doing it on my own. Basically without getting too gross the gauze felt superglued to my wound. We were using warm water to try and soak it off which usually works. This time it took like 10 minutes and we had to pull it off anyway. **Super ouch! I almost passed out. And there was blood EVERYWHERE. It looked like a horror movie.
So yea. My mom's still here. I had a similar situation happen in the shower this morning. I almost passed out again pulling it off... standing up in the shower is not a good place to almost pass out. Once I recovered took the quickest shower possible and just put my pajamas back on.
I ended up going into work to try and submit a paper that my chinese co-worker wrote but we're still waiting on my boss to tell us if we should submit it or if he wants to do it. Gotta love when you ask your boss two questions in an e-mail -- then he responds "No Thanks" and leaves you hanging while you A) try to track him down and B) figure out what the heck me meant!?
I have a meeting at 4 o'clock to discuss recruitment with my grad student organization... then some grocery shopping for a healthy dinner. I'm only at 750 calories for the day so I'm doing good. My mom is not helping me to eat healthy. I know its not her job, but seeing her eat crap -- example = a whole bag of Rolos or an entire bag of Skinny Pop popcorn while not paying attention and just slowly shoving food into her mouth while watching TV reminds me that I do not want to go back.
The irony of it was that we were watching The Biggest Loser. I love that show. I don't care if its unrealistic and unhealthy -- I used season 11 as my motivation to get off my butt and do something. Last night or the night before one of the contestants said how he kept auditioning and getting bigger while not doing anything about it. I had that same revelation -- except I did something about it! Don't wait to get on TV -- just do it!
My mom made some comments about dusting off her treadmill, but I don't thinks she's serious. It makes me sad to see her gain all of her weight back that she lost 2 years ago... and then keep growing. Both she and my oldest sister have gained a lot of weight while I've been losing. I don't feel guilty, but I feel sad for them that they are stuck in a rut and are using food to comfort themselves which just makes it worse.
I'm trying to remind myself of this. I may be injured. I may not be able to move without some pain for awhile... but I do not need to comfort myself with pizza and tacos and steak until I get better. I need to shut up... eat my fruit and vegetables and egg whites and remember the healthy feeling that goes along with eating right will always feel better than the giant bowl of ice cream does in the short term.
See look at how much I just wrote. If that was about prostate cancer, I'd actually be making progress on my thesis!
Member Comments About This Blog Post
Wow that's crazy. I want to graduate by May 8, 2013... and that freaks the hell out of me. I know you'll get it done. :-)
1459 days ago
OMG, cryptic emails from your thesis advisor! I loved mine so much I still have some of them. Memories. My favorite was always when we'd have a long conversation about the many things I needed to do and try to prioritize, and then as I left his office he'd say something super helpful like "Go and do." (We also had a language barrier, haha) And I'd start to panic, like ".... OMG we just talked about 15 different things!! Go and Do WHAT????" Hee.
Pleeeeeeeeease don't pass out in the shower. Sit down if you need to. Breathe deeply, not TOO hot of water, even eat something first so you're not low blood sugar dizzy. My husband passed out in the shower a few years ago. The end result of this is a very wet shivering man crawling back in bed with you and saying "... honey? will you please go find my tooth?" AHHHHHHHHH AUUUGH BLECHHHH BLARRRGH AHHH AHHH AHHHHHHHHHH
I died a little inside. And then I went and found his freaking tooth.
I know, it could have been even worse, but still. I'm scarred for life, and also: You know what is really expensive? Dental implants.
Yeah. Be careful in the shower everyone!
1469 days ago
You obviously have a lot going on. I think it's great that while you may not be able to be as active as you like while you're healing, you can absolutely remain in control by watching what you're eating. Kudos to you for recognizing this and being on top of it!
1470 days ago
Hang in there, the wound will get better. I had cosmetic surgery a few years ago (20) in my back to remove large pieces of skin that was "turning bad", beauty marks that had bad cells...anyway, I had a hard time with the wounds, it did crack open two months after the surgery, got inflamed almost one year later, and the scares did not look good for a while, and it was hard to avoid the sun all the time. But at the end, with massaging the scares with oil of rose tree muscatel (not sure about the translation for that name, it's rosier muscat in French) it became really better.
Your mum may be gave up on her weight for now, or it's not the right time for her to watch her diet, but it is really good that you know how to deal with your emotions, and that you don't eat to feel better. May be your mum and sister will join you there later.
For your work load, just try to work on a calendar, it will help to make small deadlines with small goals to reach, instead of being annoyed by a huge amount of work that seems like a mountain impossible to climb. Try not stressing about it and use that time to actually take that time to work on a good workplan/calendar That's what I do to avoid procrastination, it did help a lot because I'm one of the worth procrastinator sometimes. I'm always busy with my three kids and a complicated life, and I do need my own quick in the butt to look at my priorities and do something about it ontime.
1471 days ago
Wow. There is a lot on your plate. But realizing how much there is, and keeping track of it is a definite step to not letting it control your life.
You can do this. Healing is a slow, long process. One day at at time with that. Let your body do what it needs to do. It knows how to fix this.
As for fitness, I'm glad you are not pushing that. You need to let your body heal.
Eating well? Great idea. Feed your body fuel to heal, not padding to add to your butt. lol
Just keep your eyes on the prize. Keep finding the small steps in the right direction. YOU can get there!
1471 days ago
You can do it! I'm 72 days away from defending and 136 from graduation. I totally understand that kind of panic and wishes for comfort food. You'll be up and fighting again soon. Maybe limited mobility is good for typing?
1471 days ago
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