Tuesday, January 08, 2013
Um... holy hell. I just made a countdown on my wall calendar. There's 130 days separating me from graduation. *gasp* *shock* *horror*!
I have written one review. Have only one chapter done out of the five or six that I am planning... don't have a job or a post-doc lined up... have to sell my house... and I'm still recovering from surgery.
I need to kick myself in the butt and get $hit done!
So instead of working out -- I'm going to focus on my diet. I've said this before but I really need to stick to this. Lately I've been mopey and whiney and in a horribly depressed state of mind. This whole healing process is exhausting. Lately its been a bit unbearable. I managed to change my 4 o'clock bandage myself. Yay me -- I used tape and got a rash from it but I did it myself. So my mom decided that she's good and can go home.
Cue 11 o'clock bandage change... different story. I tried doing it on my own. Basically without getting too gross the gauze felt superglued to my wound. We were using warm water to try and soak it off which usually works. This time it took like 10 minutes and we had to pull it off anyway. **Super ouch! I almost passed out. And there was blood EVERYWHERE. It looked like a horror movie.
So yea. My mom's still here. I had a similar situation happen in the shower this morning. I almost passed out again pulling it off... standing up in the shower is not a good place to almost pass out. Once I recovered took the quickest shower possible and just put my pajamas back on.
I ended up going into work to try and submit a paper that my chinese co-worker wrote but we're still waiting on my boss to tell us if we should submit it or if he wants to do it. Gotta love when you ask your boss two questions in an e-mail -- then he responds "No Thanks" and leaves you hanging while you A) try to track him down and B) figure out what the heck me meant!?
I have a meeting at 4 o'clock to discuss recruitment with my grad student organization... then some grocery shopping for a healthy dinner. I'm only at 750 calories for the day so I'm doing good. My mom is not helping me to eat healthy. I know its not her job, but seeing her eat crap -- example = a whole bag of Rolos or an entire bag of Skinny Pop popcorn while not paying attention and just slowly shoving food into her mouth while watching TV reminds me that I do not want to go back.
The irony of it was that we were watching The Biggest Loser. I love that show. I don't care if its unrealistic and unhealthy -- I used season 11 as my motivation to get off my butt and do something. Last night or the night before one of the contestants said how he kept auditioning and getting bigger while not doing anything about it. I had that same revelation -- except I did something about it! Don't wait to get on TV -- just do it!
My mom made some comments about dusting off her treadmill, but I don't thinks she's serious. It makes me sad to see her gain all of her weight back that she lost 2 years ago... and then keep growing. Both she and my oldest sister have gained a lot of weight while I've been losing. I don't feel guilty, but I feel sad for them that they are stuck in a rut and are using food to comfort themselves which just makes it worse.
I'm trying to remind myself of this. I may be injured. I may not be able to move without some pain for awhile... but I do not need to comfort myself with pizza and tacos and steak until I get better. I need to shut up... eat my fruit and vegetables and egg whites and remember the healthy feeling that goes along with eating right will always feel better than the giant bowl of ice cream does in the short term.
See look at how much I just wrote. If that was about prostate cancer, I'd actually be making progress on my thesis!