Tuesday, January 08, 2013
Read a great Geneen Roth article from a few years ago and she says that in order to finally overcome emotional eating, she had to change her patterns. Instead of continuing to suffer over food and agonize over her big size, binges, etc, she created a new image of herself, a positive, sane version of herself, one that didn't use food as a drug or an escape or as punishment. One that felt her feelings when she had them, ate when hungry, and took care of herself.
I then listened to her audiobook of When Food is Love and she talks about a woman whose husband died suddenly in his 30's. The woman had gained 30 pounds because she just couldn't stop eating. She was afraid that if she stopped, she'd start to cry and never stop.
I felt so connected to that story as I listened today. I'm here in the hospital with my husband as he gets chemo, and I realize that the 14 pounds I've gained in the last month are most likely because I haven't been able to stop eating. I'm afraid to feel my fear and grief. I also don't really have room for them. I have to be focused and energetic with my students at work, I have to be positive and loving and strong for my daughter and husband, and inside I'm a wreck. So I've been eating and eating, stuffing down my emotions with food.
Well, I'm hoping today that a more sane version of me can come out. Because what Geneen Roth also said in this audiobook is that until we feel our feelings and go through them, we cannot heal.
So I think that the sane version of me is one who is going to find a safe space to break down a bit...