Wayward & Onward
Tuesday, January 08, 2013
I've been wandering and meandering a bit, straying from my physical health & fitness related goals through this holiday season, and while it feels good to relax and "let my hair down," it's also frightening.
In part, not counting calories scares me because I'm worried I'll lose control if I don't know the exact numbers of the nutrients that I'm putting into my body through the day. I'm worried I'll negate all the progress I've made so far.
But then there is a much larger fear, a startling realization that can be downright upsetting at times. I've known all along that these healthy habits must become permanent ones; in fact I say it to myself and others all the time! But some part of me hasn't quite accepted it, because no matter how second nature this calorie-tracking and daily exercise becomes, let's face it.. some days it's just downright HARD! I worry that one day, it'll just be easier to let go of it all and slip back into my old habits, returning to my previous state of un-health. All along, I've been afraid that I won't be able to sustain this new lifestyle; I've been my own worst enemy.
This is a fear that has always been lurking beneath the surface, and it still does. But I learned something this year, something that will help me to be successful in the future. It's okay to let go sometimes, as long as you pick yourself up again after! Look at me this Christmas, I ate with careless abandon, but still made time for exercise. Then I didn't go crazy with the exercise for a few days, but continued to track my calories. And I have survived. Maybe even thrived in some ways. I feel invigorated, more relaxed, happy. My body and mind are energized. Physically, I'm seeing changes in my abs and overall muscle definition (Summer 2013, here I come!), and the scale has shown some positive things as well (last two weekly weigh-ins showed 123lbs and 122.6lbs respectively) even with all the dietary transgressions!
What I'm figuring out as I go along here is to be a friend of moderation, above all else. Also, never give up. If I get off-track, I'm not going to beat myself up over it. That will just lead to more negative feelings. I'm going to enjoy the process as much as the results. Life is a journey, after all.
So here's to 2013, let's go boldly in the direction of our dreams (& goals)!