Tuesday, January 08, 2013
That was me just growling at you. Sorry I am a bit dramatic.
I just did what all therapists tell all their junkies to avoid doing. STAY AWAY FROM THE STIMULANT! REMOVE YOURSELF FROM THE SOURCE OF YOUR ADDICTION. Yeah, I didn't do that. In fact, I just made any attempt at reaching my goal and staying there, more difficult.
I got a part-time job at Red Lobster.
Derrell and I discovered not too long ago that our upcoming wedding is IMMENSELY over-budget. We also reminded ourselves that while we have lovely parents, we have broke parents, and we will be covering the majority of the wedding costs ourselves. Unwilling to completely run up our credit or run out our savings, we both agreed to get part-time jobs. He is helping out at his parent's business and I went to the only place I knew would accept me: Red Lobster.
See I began working there as a sophomore in college and stayed for 8 1/2 years even as I gew with mu current company. I couldn't get away from the fast money. I was fat way before I began working there, I just got fatter while there, although I can easily admit it had nothing to do with eating their food because I didn't eat it often, probably a couple of times a month. So in reality, my fear in working there isn't that I am going to sneak in the back and take shots of scampi butter, but that I will be so worn out from two jobs that i will make exuses not to workout. And I will slowly start sipping on things other than water and tea. And an occasional cup of chowder with a Cheddar Bay biscuit floater may make its way to my waistline. Though I may not eat much there, I am afraid that my car will lead me to a drive-thru after the late nights because I wont have the discipline to go home and prepare something healthy. Those are my fears and I am a food addict, plain and simple.
Every night I have come prepared with my water bottle and a healthy snack in my coat pocket. I have been good thus far. THere was a weekend night that I scarfed (literally, I wasn't even chewing, just swallowing) a biscuit. It was ridiculous. The damn thing was fresh and hot out of the oven and i snapped forgetting the heat index on those little things and burned the back of my danggone throat and I kept on freakin chewing! Last night I was good until one of the girls offered to split an order of fries and then a cookie. I didn't even hesitate. I am a food junkie and I am in a back alley trying to score.
So I need to figure out how to curb this and get out of my own head. I need to figure out how to take this opportunity but not allow it to derail me. I think part of it comes in making sure I stay busy when there and that I eat a hearty snack before I arrive. I am also going to have to ensure that I put in crazy good workouts the other 4-5 days of the week. That should be easy because my best freind and my sister are needing my help right now. Plus, I have a dress fitting in a week and a trip to LA in a month in a half that I want to look good for. I have a goal of being 214 by 02/14 as well. I need the encouragement folks! Make me believe!