Tuesday, January 08, 2013
Ever since I began my weight loss journey, there were two things that were pretty much impossible for me to give up. I had a baaaaad attitude about giving them up, and I would try to find any way to work around it - convincing myself I could have my cake and ....lose weight too.
Those items were wheat products and sugar/french vanilla creamer in my coffee.
I stopped putting sugar in my coffee several months ago. I increased the creamer a little to compensate, but let's be frank here....I was still consuming about 140 cal/10 carb for one cup of coffee....and I typically had two cups a day and sometimes more (because they also have it on hand at my work, as well)
When I cut sugar...I kept the full-sugar version of the creamer. I couldn't let go. Wouldn't let go. Until after examining the last 10 days so carefully, and seeing that some days I would have 30 carbs/420 calories going to....coffee.
I felt guilty. But I didn't wanna give it up.
Maybe I'll just go to one cup a day, I reasoned with myself. But I know the truth. I will cave on it and have 2 or more cups more times than not. This week, it began to gnaw at me. What if that was the ONE THING that was preventing me from losing weight, would it STILL be worth it? Really? If the answer is yes....well, that's because there's addiction talking there. I didn't like that answer at all.
So, last night I went and got the sugar-free version and tried it in my coffee this a.m.
Blech. Totally nasty. I warred with myself. "Can't I have ONE vice left?" and I went through the "maybes" again. Maybe I could just have one really good cup of coffee a day....
Feeling sorry for myself I came to work and when it came time to pour my second cup of the day, instead of reaching for the full-sugar version, I reached for the plain half-and-half and added a packet of Splenda.
Not too bad. Seriously much more do-able than the SF creamer. Perhaps I've found my replacement.
Because you know what? It's NOT worth it. Feeding that addiction is not worth it. It's not worth the calorie/carb effect, it's not worth the hit to my self esteem when I think " I'm willing to stay unhealthy, unhappy, and morbidly obese because I refuse to give up my addiction, even if it was the only thing standing between me and losing weight".
Good-bye, Nestle French Vanilla Creamer. I truly loved you. In fact, I think I loved you so much, I was addicted to you. You aren't worth it to me any more.