Tuesday, January 08, 2013
Thatís exactly how I feel about the emotions that drive my overeating, always right beneath the surface, lurking for some fancy treat, but never really telling me what they need, or are they? For a long time, I guess I didnít believe I could ever get a grip on my emotional eating. I just felt like a victim mulling over a lost cause. Hopeless and depressed many days I was despondent and apathetic to my current state of obesity.
Numbing pain with food has always worked for me. Ever since I was a wee little lassie it has done wonders. Someone pushed me around at school; I ate all of the negative emotions away by sitting in front of a LARGE and delicious hot fudge sundae. Later on the job, when sister Suzie was having a hay day and brought me in on it, same approach. Ah, it worked, it ALWAYS worked, but now that I am 35 I realize it wasnít without consequence. Been watching ďOnce Upon a TimeĒ, a fairytale gone real world television series, and one of the main characters is always mentioning that magic always comes with a price. Well, I realize now the same holds true with overeating.
I have decided that I donít want my cowardly emotions pushing me around anymore. I am in control now. I call the shots. I donít know where this journey is taking me. I hope 100 pounds thinner and I have no reason to doubt that, but I believe something else equally astonishing is taking place. I am beginning to believe in ďmeĒ! The REAL me! The one tucked behind years of awful eating habits and excuses and blame. I realize that if anything is going to change in my life, it is going to be on account of a change I created and managed. I do not want to blame anyone else for my eating habits anymore. Matter of fact, when I look back upon my life, I want to but glance upon it making sure that most of my time and energy are going into today.
So yeah, since Iím so full of proclamations lately. Hereís another! Hey COWARDLY EMOTIONS that really have no clue what you are talking about and not even the nerve to show your true colors, itís OVER! I donít need you pushing me around anymore telling me what you think I need and donít need. I do sincerely thank you for the lessons. They have been tough and brutal, but I embrace them knowing that they were not and will not be in vain. Peace out yo, trulyÖ Peace out.