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night time, my nemesis


Tuesday, January 08, 2013

I spent the day going through spark pages and groups, joining a few, not knowing exactly what I wanted but felt I needed something. I watched everything I ate, drank 10 glasses of water, monitored my fats, protein, carbs, etc.. I had a great successful day. I went to bed feeling great. I had some positive thoughts about myself that was one of my goals. Drifting off to sleep I was good. Then it happened! My restless leg syndrome kicked in. The constant urge to move, feeling like I needed to jump off the bed. Ok, I will go out and get a drink. I spied the Fiber Bars my sister must have hidden up ontop of a cabinet. My eyes hone right in on them. Ok, one won't hurt, 90 calories, I came in way under my calorie count, it will be ok. But wait, I promised I wouldn't do anymore counter eating. You know walking around the kitchen munching on whatever you pick up. I did it!!! I broke my first rule and in a big way, I ate one bar, went back to bed, got up in an hour, rls still bothering me, ate two more bars, then back to bed, up again and finished the box!!!! I felt like garbage. Layed in bed crying until I fell asleep. Woke up in an hour and prowled for something else. Ate a big piece of mozzerella cheese. I am lactose intolerrant! My stomach was killing me. I finally felt full. Who am I kidding I had gastric bypass. I was full when I went to bed. This night time binging is killing me. I know I need help, a lot of therapy, just can't find it. I know I am not the only one out there that is expierancing the same issues. I know people who have taken off 400 pounds, only to put it back on in a year. I know my issues go far deeper than food, I know I seek comfort from food even though I have a great support system. Why do I punish myself like this? I know I can be successful. I have felt what is like to be thin and I liked it, just didn't like me. I guess I will just forgive myself and start over again today.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
CECIDITULLIO 1/9/2013 10:11AM

    emoticon I have a very similar problem and the more I try to "be good" during the day the more the night time eating kicks in. Sometimes I am conscious and know what I am doing, sometimes I am not. I haven't binged in 3 yrs but I have had some nights (scary nights) when I wake up in front of the fridge and I eat some almonds or small piece of chocolate and go back to sleep. You have a point there, I figured it is never about the food. For me, I figured it is about my feelings of "inadequacy"; my feelings of "never being good enough" so I connected the dots and figured when I have a very stressful day at work yadda yadda. But is also about "dieting" and feeling deprived for me so that is tricky because I weight and measure my food but I noticed that when I try to get more control like if I count calories or points and I obsess about how much oil is in the food at a restaurant etc. I am more at risk of getting up to eat. So I have been working on those issues (with my support group, etc)
A few months ago, I decided to switch to Weight Watchers "food plan" and count points; I was getting up and eating a small piece of chocolate almost every night. I asked my hubby to open the linen closet and the AC cabinet doors in a way that blocks the way to the kitchen and put some of those big laundry bins on the way. Of course I didnt think that would stop me but it would wake me up or make me conscious enough that I could pray and think about it. Funny thing, the nights that the bins were there I didnt get to the kitchen. That pause helped! (prayer has always helped me).
I hope you feel better, and contact me if you need anything, know you are not alone! emoticon

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