Monday, January 07, 2013
One of the things I've been working on for a while is standing up for myself, distancing myself from damaging people, and saying 'no'. I was raised that you do everything you can to help people when they need it and as an engineer, my main drive is to be useful. When you don't set boundaries or limits, you can wear yourself out completely and get some really high stress levels. Well, a close family member is bi-polar, and the last couple of weeks have been a roller coaster since they went off their meds, got depressed and made two suicide attempts. Since my mom died 3 years ago, I've felt like I had to be the one to take care of everything, including my siblings, and y'all, we're all in our thirties, so there shouldn't really be that much to take care of, right? So, this sib has been absolutely crazy for the last couple of weeks, but got help, got some new meds and is okay for now. I get a call today asking if it's okay for them to stay at my house tomorrow night, since there's an early lab on Wednesday. I didn't automatically say 'of course'! Y'all this is huge! I told them that if they were truly okay then yes, but if there was any drama, or they felt like they weren't in control, they would have to find somewhere else to stay - I don't need the drama and my kids don't need to see it either. And I'm not hyperventilating because I wasn't helpful! Yay me!
Another thing I said no to today was making myself feel better with food. Another lady in our Scout group was fairly snarky tonight and I'm just strung out enough from the sib situation, workload, and normal mom stuff that I got my feelings hurt. I'm working on growing thicker skin, promise. But in the meantime, instead of going for the Golden Oreos, which honestly DO make everything better, at least until you add them to your calorie intake.....I came home and attacked the recycling pile - it runs tomorrow for the first time in a month and we had a BUNCH of cardboard boxes and stuff from Christmas.so, my garage is clean, I BURNED calories instead of gorging on them, AND my recycling people will be happy with me! Again, yay me!
Also woke up before my alarm went off this am, so going to move wake up time back another ten minutes and see if I can get in some time on the elliptical.