Monday, January 07, 2013
You know how you sometimes sit on a date and know that it means something but can't quite remember? That's how I've been feeling all week about January 5th. I know it must mean something but what?
It finally came to me this afternoon as I was thinking about last night's Biggest Loser premiere and trying to decide if I wanted to watch it or not. All of a sudden I remembered...
January 5, 2004 is the date I decided to get healthy once and for all. Sitting at 221lbs and staring down 44 at my next birthday and knowing that I was miserably and traumatically unhappy - that was the day it all stopped.
It took me 5 years to lose 85 lbs. 5 years to figure out who I was and that I was an important enough to myself to take care of myself. 5 years of making a decision every friggin' day to eat well, exercise and love myself. 5 years to learn how to move again - how to breathe through asthmatic lungs; how to run on arthritic joints; how to heal myself and love the strong, resilient woman that I am.
And now it's been 9 years in total - getting up every single day and pledging to take care of myself by doing what's right for my body, spirit and mind. Making permanent changes to my diet and embracing a healthy, active lifestyle. 9 years! After a whole lifetime of fighting my weight and failing on every level, 9 years have passed since that first day when I said "that's it".
Along the way I've had the highest highs: running a 4h 30 min marathon; watching my husband shed 70 lbs and get his life in order; returning to my passion of backpacking and canoe tripping. I've changed so many things! Moving from a rural acreage to an urban condo; leaving nursing and management behind to make a major career shift in the middle of a recession; subtracting negative and unhappy relationships - healing and celebrating those worth saving. It's been a wonderful, wild ride.
I can hardly remember what it felt like to be 221lb. I actually don't remember being unable to bend over to tie my shoes. I am so unbelievably fit and so profoundly who I am meant to be that it doesn't matter who I used to be. I am who I am meant to be now.
9 years. I can't imagine that it's been 9 years. And it doesn't even matter. 9 months or 9 years - it's all just one day at a time in the end.
Steven and I celebrating Christmas 2012 with a 3 hour bike ride on the beach at Hilton Head. Life is very, very good.