Monday, January 07, 2013
So, today sucked. I was really angry at work when I got my annual review and it was not what I expected and hoped for. I had a major project last year for which I was promised top reviews and bonus if I performed well. Which I did, by all objective measures. And today I was told that I did not get the top reviews or the bonus I had hoped for.
I have this really crappy thing I do when I get really angry: tears come to my eyes. I managed to state that I was disappointed and leave the room before the tears came to my eyes, but it pretty much sucked. I left a few minutes early and frankly wanted nothing more than to go home and have a drink or 3 and eat who knows what. But the fact is, no one died and it is not a catastrophe. I may need to think about what I need to do over the long term but my life is good.
So, I went home, I had a light dinner and I did the strength training I had planned to do. Then I had a couple glasses of wine and I am feeling calmer. I know why it bothered me: I don't feel like I'm valued for the work I do. I am also upset because it was something I had talked about with my SO last year when we were still together and it brought that back. It doesn't mean I wish I was still with him, I just miss being able to tell him.
I weathered that storm. I still need to say a bit more to my boss about it. And get my head straight about my value to the organization, whether or not it is noted. On the record, as they say. But that's tomorrow.
For now, t I am happy that I was able to avoid going over the edge. Eating and drinking my feelings. And in a half hour I am going to go upstairs, get ready for bed so I can get up early and get to the gym. And when I'm on the treadmill tomorrow morning watching Morning Joe (yes I am a political news junkie) I will think about how to deal with this. And then I will go to work and I will move forward. I am lucky, this is not a catastrophe, just a blip. And I dealt well with stress today!