Monday, January 07, 2013
Today my heart rate monitor came in the mail with my Sparkpeople cookbook. I am excited! I used the monitor during jazzercise today. My average was 138 and my highest was 165. Turns out I am supposed to be between 130-157. So that felt pretty good that I was in the right zone.
It feels good to do something well. I had so much fun tonight and busted butt.
I went thru an angry spell over the weekend.. Like I was furious at myself. Like really angry that I let myself get to the point where I had to work this hard to get where I should have been the whole time. Like what in the world was so freaking bad that let me get to here... I came up with all kinds of excuses... MIkes cancer.. the divorce... Rob.. and then like.. wtf.. why didnt anyone speak up.. So I went from being pissed at myself for getting here.. to blaming other people for my getting there. Hello irrational.
And then Its like.. no... I got here.. I made the choices... I let my self worth tank. No one forced food down my throat.. no one said anything - but I didnt stop and really look at what I was doing to MYSELF.
And now I get to see and look what I am doing to myself... Im putting myself first. I am making better choices (or really trying to).. I am working out 3 times a week.. I am putting my health as a priority in my life and not hiding behind all the excuses and other people.
I got myself here... and I will get myself better... and be better for it... because theres no one else to blame... and theres no one else who can do it for me and no one else who can take the credit for it. This journey is all about me.
Its all about the Jenn.
And thankfully I have a support system around me who understand and appreciate and push me to do that. And that... is awesome.