Monday, January 07, 2013
I was watching TV last night and caught an interview with Al Rocker and with the exception of the bypass surgery, our stories had similarities that gave me a moment to pause. As you can see from the story of my journey, my weight loss was phenomenal in 2006 & 7. I LOST 143 lbs during that time and felt so successful and happy. But I soon learned that losing the weight was the easy part. Though I kept my workouts intense and consistent for 4 years, the weight was creeping back on. Life changes caused a disruption to my routine, and slowly, my consistency eroded to the point where I didn't go to the gym for months, before coming back in November. My diet, eventually wasn't as it should be, even though I never went completely off the deep end, and kept many of my healthy habits, I often found excuses to exceed my calorie count and snack on cereal and pretzels to excess. Ultimately, the scale became a forgotten accessory that I began to balk at even stepping on. Somehow, in my head, as long as the first number was still a 1, I could convince myself I was still ok. Of course, that led to the eventual shock of the scale screaming 201, and me clawing my way back on track.
By listening to Al's story I understood how easy it was to become one of those statistics I was certain I would never be....you know the ones who gain their weight back.... This realization has helped me ease the daily-beat-down I lay on myself. It's still a work in progress, but I now see that as disappointed as I am with myself, I'm not unique in this experience.
Giving myself a break, is part of the problem, and contributed to the cycle of failure that I was experiencing. The more I strayed from my healthy habits, the more I hated myself, and thus eased the pain by adding to those failures. I felt I was in a death spiral, overwhelmed with the responsibilities that Grandmother-hood had endowed upon me, losing my mother, the stress of financing a wedding, along with my all- -encompassing umpire schedules leaving me exhausted, I slipped back into my victim mentality, allowing myself to feel powerless and making excuses.
Snapping the cycle, and starting anew immediately in November, rather than waiting for the New Year, gives me my inner strength back, and the sense of worth that I had allowed to slip away as the pounds piled on. I'm now on my way back to my goal weight and though 30 pounds is a big number, it is nowhere near 143 pounds, thus making it quite do-able!
THANK YOU Spark People for helping me right the ship! You are, as always, my safety net! I would love to hear from others who have had a similar derailment of their journey, as I now know I'm not alone.