Advertisement -- Learn more about ads on this site.

    MIRFA71   35,206
30,000-39,999 SparkPoints

Sip the Vodka!

Monday, January 07, 2013

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.

The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

So the next Sunday the priest took the monsignors advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office he found the following note on the door.

1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.

2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not get his ass.

6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ and his apostles as J.C. and the boys.

7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and the Spook.

8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the crap out of him.

9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say...he was stoned off his ass

10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T".

11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it, for it is my body." He did not say, "Eat me."

12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry."

13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the gurb, Yeah, God!

14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
DOLPHINSINGER72 1/7/2013 5:55PM

    ROFLMAO. I just laughed so much little tears are coming out of my eyes. I had to share this with my mom, but I skipped some of the more risque ones. I think the are highlarious, my mom..not so much. Great blog. Thanks, sometimes laughter is the best medicine.

Report Inappropriate Comment
WALLAHALLA 1/7/2013 4:07PM


Report Inappropriate Comment
JENAE954 1/7/2013 3:38PM

  emoticon emoticon emoticon
Too funnnnny.
Don't think I'll ever drink again.
Thanks, I needed that!

Report Inappropriate Comment
MOMMAPAM1 1/7/2013 3:13PM


Report Inappropriate Comment
MRE1956 1/7/2013 3:10PM




Report Inappropriate Comment
SAASHA17 1/7/2013 2:09PM


Report Inappropriate Comment

Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

Log in to post a comment.

Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

Other Entries by MIRFA71