I got fat for christmas...
Sunday, January 06, 2013
what is it about the christmas and new years season that keeps me filling my face.
i am eating like it will fill the empty feelling inside of me from being alown, from not being able to go out and enjoy sports and other physical activities or even work of any kind.
I would love to find a job that I could do lying in bed but as it seems living life on the disability list is leading me into a time of constant sorrow eating during the hollidays and for goodness sake i am going to get out of the rut.
i am going to get back on track.
even if i can not do anything there is no reason to go out as a blob
and not a blob due to medication or seditary life but a blob from living in a seditary life and eating everything in reach then getting any one of any age to bring me anything edible to keep me in food to try to fill the void that never gets filled.
i am trying to stop i will suceed and i will god willing find a way to make it even if in the last two years i have found it impossible to belive that there is any form of higher power or god as there has been not help no sign no awnsers as to why this is happening along with so many other horriffic things that just would not happen if there was a god
oh but i guess two years on bed rest will kill anyones faith so i am not supprised that it has all but taken mine as well.
this is the last chance the last ditch the last shred of a straw that i have
i am not there yet i may never get there but
for no reason other then me
i am worth it
god or no god higher powers or not
i am not willing to give up two years is just two years
i am only in my early 30's i am too young to lose hope now.