Sunday, January 06, 2013
As many know "you are your worse critic". All I can do is laugh. Yea I USED to be but I changed. I had to for myself or else I wouldn't be me. It took me a while to love my self or to see me as a better person. It took exactly 4 or 5 years to be a better person. Honestly I don't care how long it took. Just as long as I did become better. In one of my other blog's I had said that "I would sit in front of the mirror saying what I liked about myself". Well a year after that blog I again sat in front of the mirror. But to only find out that I no longer had to convince my self or tell myself that I am beautiful. Or that I am a better person than what people say. I can just wake knowing that I am BEAUTIFUL and a BETTER PERSON. I no longer worry about what other people think about or say about me. I can say on that note I felt so awesome. I was so glad and still am. I will continue to be a better person. I may not have to remind myself that I am beautiful. But I do remind others how BEAUTIFUL they are. Each and everyone is beautiful in their own way. They may not see but I DO. So to whoever is reading this blog just remember that you are BEAUTIFUL.
I just want to catch some of you up on what's been going on. I said that I was going back to school but to cosmetology school. Well that didn't happen. At least not yet it will though. I kind of needed more time to work on me. Well another reason is because of my loan that paid for tuition and all that other stuff. I guess as soon as you can your suppose to start paying it back. Never could the payments are too high. So I basically can't get financial aid. But I have been trying to get scholarships or a grant. Haven't been lucky yet. Hopefully soon it's my only choice.
Okay so again in one of my blog's I talked about my relationship with my mom. It continue's to be bad. No matter how hard I try she will never be happy with me. I recently found out that when she talk about me. She never call's me her daughter. I am known as the smooch or trash. Yea you can imagine how pissed off I was. Sometime's I just don't understand her. I don't think I ever will. Now when she talks about my brother's or sister's. Oh geez! Don't get me started. She can go on and on about them. And it's all good stuff never anything bad. She act's like they are perfect. But they aren't. My mom had told me one time that I have made the decisions or mistakes. But I can tell that no I haven't. I may have made some bad mistakes but not as bad as my brother's or sister's. So basically I have stayed to myself I hardly talk to any of my family. I have seen so many true color's that it upsets me. I have no family left to trust or friends.
I feel so alone. But then I remind myself I have you guy's. You guy's are so amazing. You are a big reason why I continue to come back to Sparkpeople. Word's cannot explain how much it means to me to have you. You have helped me so much. All the lovely words I get and the support. Ugh! Seriously you are so AMAZING. My SUN will continues to shine bright no matter what. I will make your's SHINE BRIGHT too. On that note I should go.
Oh! As I wrote this I have been balling my eye's out.