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    JOYFULJUDYLYNN   19,203
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WHY I am doing this

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Sunday, January 06, 2013

"I am not trying to be a super model".

I have said this so many times lately. In response to people's questions about my weight loss goals. In response to my physician's inquiry about why I want my excess skin removed from my tummy area.

Nope. I'm not trying to be a super model. It was never in the cards, and never a part of my aspirations.

11 years ago, this was me:

Behind that smile was more self loathing and hatred than any one person should ever tolerate. That girl prayed at night that she would die. That girl was miserable. That girl had ALMOST given up. ALMOST.

'Almost' has to be one of the most important words in the English language. It expresses the difference between what is/was and what COULD have been. That girl ALMOST ate herself to death. That girl ALMOST allowed her weight and food addiction to keep her from every good thing life has to offer. ALMOST.

But she didn't.

So why do I do this? I am doing this because I fought my way out of that place for a reason. I fought my way to this place:

There is no self-loathing behind that smile. There is joy. My life has so much meaning, so much joy. Blessings that I couldn't have dreamed of 11 years ago. And I know that if I stick to it, it can only get better. I can only get stronger. I can only be a stronger role model for my beautiful, priceless daughter. If I do this, she will grow up saying "I can" rather than "I can't". I do this so that I can be the mom playing on the floor with my girl, rather than the woman who prays to die. I do this so that I can see beyond self-loathing to the beautiful blessings that God has showered on me. I do this to honor the God who created and loves me.

Nope.... being a super model has nothing to do with this. I am doing this for me. And because I NEVER want to go back to that dark, sad, lonely place. I want to live with joy.

And I am. emoticon
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DJSHIP46 1/7/2013 9:03AM

    You are an inspiration... love the smile & energy to play with your little one. You are on the right road to a long, healthy, happy life... CONGRATULATIONS!!!

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MIMIDOT 1/7/2013 8:41AM

    That smile shows pride. And proud you should be! You look beautiful and your little girl is beautiful too! Keep up the good work. You can do it!

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DMANN104 1/7/2013 8:41AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SIZE8NOTSOMUCH 1/7/2013 8:37AM

    Wow, AMAZING!!!

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WALLINMW 1/7/2013 8:37AM

  Very encouraging. Keep at it!

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NEWMOM20121 1/7/2013 8:36AM

    Great job. You have done well.

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NILLAPEPSI 1/7/2013 8:32AM

    Wow! I don't generally cry when I read some of the blogs on SP, but I cried when I read yours. You are so beautiful!!! You look amazing! I am so glad that God helped you get out of that pit you were in. God is so good that way. emoticon emoticon

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WILSON1926 1/7/2013 8:30AM

    emoticon emoticon
You inspire me.
Michael

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MILLEDGE2 1/7/2013 8:04AM

    Your story started my day off with a BIG boost! Thank you so much for your candor and a big "HOORAY" for all you are accomplishing! emoticon

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KATHIC2 1/7/2013 8:03AM

  You are very inspiring! Congrats on your accomplishments!

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SHOSHANADP 1/7/2013 7:49AM

    emoticon emoticon

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BECKYANNE1 1/7/2013 7:48AM

    Way To Go! I had the surgery done. Not because I wanted a nice tummy (which still is not firm and never will be), but because of medical reasons. I didn't want the yeast infections, etc. that go along with having all of that skin. I still have loose skin all over my body, but it shows where I've been and what I've accomplished! Good Luck!

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BECKYANNE1 1/7/2013 7:47AM

    Way To Go! I had the surgery done. Not because I wanted a nice tummy (which still is not firm and never will be), but because of medical reasons. I didn't want the yeast infections, etc. that go along with having all of that skin. I still have loose skin all over my body, but it shows where I've been and what I've accomplished! Good Luck!

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JANEMARIE77 1/7/2013 7:30AM

    Your Life what a wonderful choose you made best of luck

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DIANNEMT 1/7/2013 7:26AM

    Fantastic!! I hope you can get the surgery when you want it!!

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PATTYSPENCER 1/7/2013 7:23AM

    emoticon

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SANDYCRANE 1/7/2013 7:12AM

    You should be so proud of yourself and your little girl. You have an amazing story and thanks for sharing it. Your story will inspire others to shed the weight and to start living.

emoticon

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BLUEKITTYJAN 1/7/2013 7:06AM

    WOW! God bless You and your family.

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NEWTINK 1/7/2013 7:01AM

    You are doing amazing and for all the right reasons to ... you can do anything you set your heart to do ... emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SPARKLISE 1/7/2013 6:31AM

    You go girl! emoticon emoticon

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LUNABYRD 1/7/2013 6:00AM

    YOU are the best reason to do this! You are a beautiful woman! emoticon emoticon

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TRYINGHARD54 1/7/2013 5:36AM

    emoticon your emoticon

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NCSUE0514 1/7/2013 5:06AM

    You look wonderful, and I bet you FEEL wonderful, too. Thanks for the inspiration!

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SSUSMITA 1/7/2013 4:50AM

    emoticon
That's very inspirational.

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LRSILVER 1/7/2013 4:34AM

    You are an inspiration. Congratulations!

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JENNIFERWEIDEN 1/7/2013 4:00AM

  God bless you! Rock on!

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ROSAMARCELLE 1/7/2013 3:49AM

    What an amazing and inspirational change. emoticon

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EVER-HOPEFUL 1/7/2013 3:07AM

    i want to thank you for posting this blog,all i can say is wow you are one awesome lady.keep on keeping on you are doing great emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DANCINCAJUN1 1/6/2013 11:24PM

    emoticon emoticon you are such a motivator !! Roc


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DETERMINED_ME 1/6/2013 10:13PM

    Wow!! I'm so inspired by who you have become! Congratulations!

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2BFREE2LIVE 1/6/2013 10:05PM

    I am so proud of you and all of your accomplishments over the past few years I have known you. Your doing such an awesome job of taking care of yourself and your beautiful little girl.
Best wishes to you as always. Sandy

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MOXIE-IN-MOTION 1/6/2013 8:13PM

    Completely beautiful blog from a completely beautiful woman!

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FIZZYBALL 1/6/2013 7:48PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LESLIELENORE 1/6/2013 7:26PM

    emoticon You inspire me to keep pushing forward!

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DAYSPRING-STAR 1/6/2013 6:36PM

    Wow! Wow! Wow! You are an inspiration. You are doing this! Here's to a Sparkful 2013.

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MSGO72 1/6/2013 5:33PM

  Simply fantastic!
emoticon

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KRYSTL719 1/6/2013 5:17PM

    I definately love this. Because I know what that girl inside of you felt. I have similar blogs of my journey, some blogs pertain to why i love food emotionally, but I have come along way, and I love sparkpeople

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CATTUTT 1/6/2013 4:49PM

    That was a really awesome post! Seeing how much you've accomplished is incredible. You must feel like a whole new woman!

emoticon

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GR8ERJOY 1/6/2013 4:47PM

    What an inspiration you are. Congratulations! For taking control of your life and for recognizing the right reasons. emoticon emoticon

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