Advertisement -- Learn more about ads on this site.

15,000-19,999 SparkPoints

WHY I am doing this

Voted Popular Blog Post: View All Popular Posts

Sunday, January 06, 2013

"I am not trying to be a super model".

I have said this so many times lately. In response to people's questions about my weight loss goals. In response to my physician's inquiry about why I want my excess skin removed from my tummy area.

Nope. I'm not trying to be a super model. It was never in the cards, and never a part of my aspirations.

11 years ago, this was me:

Behind that smile was more self loathing and hatred than any one person should ever tolerate. That girl prayed at night that she would die. That girl was miserable. That girl had ALMOST given up. ALMOST.

'Almost' has to be one of the most important words in the English language. It expresses the difference between what is/was and what COULD have been. That girl ALMOST ate herself to death. That girl ALMOST allowed her weight and food addiction to keep her from every good thing life has to offer. ALMOST.

But she didn't.

So why do I do this? I am doing this because I fought my way out of that place for a reason. I fought my way to this place:

There is no self-loathing behind that smile. There is joy. My life has so much meaning, so much joy. Blessings that I couldn't have dreamed of 11 years ago. And I know that if I stick to it, it can only get better. I can only get stronger. I can only be a stronger role model for my beautiful, priceless daughter. If I do this, she will grow up saying "I can" rather than "I can't". I do this so that I can be the mom playing on the floor with my girl, rather than the woman who prays to die. I do this so that I can see beyond self-loathing to the beautiful blessings that God has showered on me. I do this to honor the God who created and loves me.

Nope.... being a super model has nothing to do with this. I am doing this for me. And because I NEVER want to go back to that dark, sad, lonely place. I want to live with joy.

And I am. emoticon

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
TERRIJ7 1/9/2013 11:58AM

    I love your attitude and the photos of you with your daughter! Congratulations!

Report Inappropriate Comment
SHANTRA 1/9/2013 10:59AM

    I can't believe the Doctor asked you that question.. a better question would have been.. why don't you want it done? I honestly believe that when someone has finally conquered a weight loss like yours that skin surgery should be automatic and done on insurance because it is SO important to feel comfortable in your skin! I will have it done because I deserve the skimpy panties I have wanted for so long and others take for granted and because I want to look decent in my swimming costume.. why not?

You have done an incredible job.. thank you.

shantra - the 278 lb Ballerina.

Report Inappropriate Comment
MLIPPERT1 1/9/2013 10:34AM

  Life is so worth living. Keep up the great work and have lots of fun with that adorable daughter.

Report Inappropriate Comment
GAILANN48 1/9/2013 9:32AM

    Wow...your words brought tears...I hear you. What a way to express in a few words the journey of a lifetime. The beauty of your "almost" spark is startling, but in a good way. :) Thank you for sharing your heart.


:) Gail

Report Inappropriate Comment
HEATHERY5 1/9/2013 8:49AM

    emoticon good for you!

Report Inappropriate Comment
HEIDE69 1/9/2013 8:25AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SHARJOPAUL 1/9/2013 7:30AM

Congratulations on your wonderful journey to a freat life.

Report Inappropriate Comment

    Wow, wow, wow!

Report Inappropriate Comment

    emoticon emoticon Howdy! from the DFW area of Texas!

WOW oh WOW! What an inspirational story of you! emoticon

I am so encouraged after reading this blog! Thank you for sharing it with us. It is stories like this that help me to see that there is hope for me!

Have a blessed day and wonderful journey to the new me!

Paula emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
123ELAINE456 1/9/2013 5:04AM

  Awesome Blog!!! Very Inspirational and Motovational Story. Your little Girl will be very Proud of her Mom. This is the WAY TO GO!!! God Bless You and Have a Wonderful Week. Take Care.

Report Inappropriate Comment
SLFGOLF 1/9/2013 1:03AM

    Wow!!! And for all the right reasons! You have much to be proud of.

Report Inappropriate Comment
LESSISMORE2010 1/9/2013 12:39AM

    Wow! Thank you for sharing!

Report Inappropriate Comment
CUSH1932 1/9/2013 12:34AM

    emoticon for sharing.

Report Inappropriate Comment
OCHALISA 1/9/2013 12:07AM

    Thank you i needed that and the encouragement so that i can keep pushing forward. emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SPSPSP1 1/8/2013 11:36PM

    Good 4 u!

Report Inappropriate Comment
WARMSTRONG2 1/8/2013 11:25PM

  Can't thank you enough for the example and the inspiration to do it also.

Report Inappropriate Comment
VOLLEYGIRL77 1/8/2013 11:10PM

    Wow! Congrats!

Report Inappropriate Comment
FARFROMASAINT 1/8/2013 11:01PM


Report Inappropriate Comment
LEXIVENTURA 1/8/2013 10:44PM

    Simply inspiring!

Report Inappropriate Comment
SIRENICAL 1/8/2013 10:33PM

    And that is the best reason EVER!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
CJFLAUGHER 1/8/2013 10:22PM

  You are amazing way to go. Keep going. TOTALLY INSPIRATIONAL.

Report Inappropriate Comment
REENIE131 1/8/2013 10:01PM


Report Inappropriate Comment
TUBJUMPER 1/8/2013 9:45PM


Report Inappropriate Comment
SEEINGCLEARLY53 1/8/2013 9:38PM

    Great blog!,,,,I want my weight to stop defining me, and I want to live with joy too! Very inspiring! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SHELBY897 1/8/2013 9:33PM

    Wonderful blog. And you know that little girl's eyes you ARE super model, your an athlete, a scholar, the most beautiful woman she has ever seen, you are filled with compassion and love for her - these are really the only things that matter :) What you are able to portray to her about how you feel about and treat yourself will continue to build her self esteem as well. The stronger you are, the stronger she will grow to be!

Report Inappropriate Comment
CYNSATIONAL2BE 1/8/2013 9:02PM

    Super model? More like a super star!! Keep fighting the good fight, and thank you for the inspiration. emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
DAWNESS0404 1/8/2013 8:32PM

    great blog! very inspiring!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
JUDYREED82 1/8/2013 8:29PM

    Way to go! You are an inspiration to me! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
BOXER-MOM 1/8/2013 8:25PM

    I assume you want the excess skin removed because you have come so far it is the last reminder, the pretty much impossible thing to get rid of on your put yourself in to this Journey 100%, you feel 100% different and you want that to show 100%......I can understand that :)

Report Inappropriate Comment
ASHPATCH11 1/8/2013 8:24PM

    great blog! way to keep pushing!

Report Inappropriate Comment
LAWANDMUSIC 1/8/2013 8:23PM

    Wonderful post. Love your smile!

Report Inappropriate Comment

    Your story inspires me. I'm not trying to be a beauty queen either. I just want to be fit again and be a role model for my son. Take Care!

Report Inappropriate Comment
OHMEMEME 1/8/2013 7:44PM

    I am touched by your words. Thank you for sharing something so deeply personal. Your daughter is blessed to have you as her mother.

The extra weight carries so much more than fat! I don't believe that people who have never struggled with weight can really identify. Hence, " you want to look like a super model?" No but I want to look and moreover, feel like my best me. People say things like you look so good or you are getting so skinny. I just say thank you, I feel good and want to look tough. I don't want to look young I want to look damn good for 49! I want to look like my best me! Some days that means cute clothes and other days just loungy. I say do what makes you happy inside. I too never ever want to have the feelings I had when I was fatter because its not about the inches but about my heart.

Best wishes...Keep Sparking! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
DONNA5281 1/8/2013 7:41PM

What a great blog. Made me cry. Thank you for sharing.
You are a wonder mom and your daughter is lucky to have you.
emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
NEEDBU66 1/8/2013 7:16PM

    May God bless you. I am impressed. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
JULIA1154 1/8/2013 6:32PM

  I can't add anything to what's already been said except that I'm glad I, too, read this post today. You've touched many people's lives with your determination and your insights. We're lucky to have encountered you - and your daughter has a terrific mom!

Best wishes to both of you. - Julia


Report Inappropriate Comment
DEEDAWN2013 1/8/2013 6:29PM

    This is beautiful. I'm glad I found your post. Thank you for sharing. :)

Report Inappropriate Comment
DRKEYEZ820 1/8/2013 6:12PM

    This has to be the most amazing blog, ive ever read. Made me cry..
Huge inspiration!

Report Inappropriate Comment
LLEE06 1/8/2013 5:55PM

    You are going to be a wonderful role model to your daughter!

Report Inappropriate Comment
HAVASMOM 1/8/2013 5:33PM

  WoW you rock! being the best you can be the goal of most of us out here. Your an inspiration and testimony to what can be done to change the world one person at a time. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
MIMETALKER 1/8/2013 5:29PM

    This is wonderful! You have the best reason ever for doing this... emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
ARUN4ONE 1/8/2013 5:20PM

    Wow! What a difference inside and out :) I am always happy to see people making positive changes in their lives, you truly can see a "different", deeper smile in your after pic. How lovely! Keep up the wonderful job. What an inspiration you are!

Report Inappropriate Comment
WILDFLOWERMA 1/8/2013 5:07PM

    Very touching & inspiring! Thank you for sharing your story.

Report Inappropriate Comment
ANGIEMULSAL 1/8/2013 5:04PM

  Your story made my eyes weld up with tears. Such a true inspiration! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
ANDIG8 1/8/2013 4:10PM

    Yup, you made me smile too! Good for you and the progress you've made! And for doing it for the right reasons!

Report Inappropriate Comment
TRIMNFIT 1/8/2013 3:48PM

    your story gave me goose bumps... I truly can see the joy in both your eyes as well as your daughters! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
ITSABSURD 1/8/2013 3:40PM

    You're more awesome than a super model! Keep up your inspiring work!

Report Inappropriate Comment
GREEN-EYED-LADY 1/8/2013 3:24PM

    Beautiful Blog ! You are doing amazing ! God Bless You ! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
ARCHIMEDESII 1/8/2013 3:11PM

    What an absolutely fantastic blog ! It's filled with joy !!!

emoticon emoticon


Report Inappropriate Comment
DAREDEVILME 1/8/2013 3:09PM

    You're a motivation, and a beautiful person. You've come a long way, and it shows. You've done a lot of work, and along with that came a change in attitude.
I'm proud of you!!

Report Inappropriate Comment

Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

Log in to post a comment.
Member Comments Page (239 total):  < Previous 1 2 3 4 Next > Last >>

Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.