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    JOYFULJUDYLYNN   19,203
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WHY I am doing this

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Sunday, January 06, 2013

"I am not trying to be a super model".

I have said this so many times lately. In response to people's questions about my weight loss goals. In response to my physician's inquiry about why I want my excess skin removed from my tummy area.

Nope. I'm not trying to be a super model. It was never in the cards, and never a part of my aspirations.

11 years ago, this was me:

Behind that smile was more self loathing and hatred than any one person should ever tolerate. That girl prayed at night that she would die. That girl was miserable. That girl had ALMOST given up. ALMOST.

'Almost' has to be one of the most important words in the English language. It expresses the difference between what is/was and what COULD have been. That girl ALMOST ate herself to death. That girl ALMOST allowed her weight and food addiction to keep her from every good thing life has to offer. ALMOST.

But she didn't.

So why do I do this? I am doing this because I fought my way out of that place for a reason. I fought my way to this place:

There is no self-loathing behind that smile. There is joy. My life has so much meaning, so much joy. Blessings that I couldn't have dreamed of 11 years ago. And I know that if I stick to it, it can only get better. I can only get stronger. I can only be a stronger role model for my beautiful, priceless daughter. If I do this, she will grow up saying "I can" rather than "I can't". I do this so that I can be the mom playing on the floor with my girl, rather than the woman who prays to die. I do this so that I can see beyond self-loathing to the beautiful blessings that God has showered on me. I do this to honor the God who created and loves me.

Nope.... being a super model has nothing to do with this. I am doing this for me. And because I NEVER want to go back to that dark, sad, lonely place. I want to live with joy.

And I am. emoticon
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AURORAMILLET 2/1/2013 1:24PM

    emoticon

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VICKI-BISHOP56 1/25/2013 5:25PM

  Your blog brought me to tears. You have come so far and you are a super model. Maybe not in the sense some people think. But you're an inspiration to those of us that struggle day to day.
Thank you for your post. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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EOWYNRUSS 1/20/2013 5:23PM

    Haven't you noticed? You ARE a supermodel.

Don't let anybody ever tell you any different.

And don't discount what I've said.

Your daughter would tell you the exact same thing.

And she'd be right.

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KELLYPAQ 1/20/2013 5:29AM

    Wow! That was very powerful! Good for you for realizing that you are valuable. Your daughter is so lucky to have such a strong woman as a roll model. I teach kindergarten and every year more and more of my students are overweight, more than just overweight. Then when I meet their parents I know why. It truly is a sad thing to see time and time again.

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KARSTAIRS 1/19/2013 4:57PM

    emoticon I needed this inspiration, thank you. I am about to turn 56 and I wish I had done this 10 years ago. I wouldn't have damaged knees, bad feet ( with possible arthritis), surgery for uterine cancer and a hernia. emoticon

emoticon You inspire me to look ahead to improving my life and all its possibilities even when pushing 60 yrs. old. emoticon

emoticon Bless you and your family.

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EFFRAYECHILDE 1/19/2013 11:02AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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KRISCOREEVES 1/16/2013 7:25PM

    emoticon You are such an inspiration. Thanks for sharing.

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MELAFYAIYAI 1/16/2013 5:05PM

    Almost brings tears to my eyes to think of what a different person you are now - I hurt for the young woman of 11 years ago, and am so glad you are learning to embrace her and love yourself. Keep it up! emoticon

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TDWANDD2MYK9 1/16/2013 2:05AM

    Fantastic! emoticon

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JWOOTEN1971 1/15/2013 11:49AM

  Wonderful blog. You are truly inspiring and your little girl is lucky to have a Mom like you. emoticon

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BUYAVOWEL 1/14/2013 11:19PM

    Wow! That little girl has one amazing mother.

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GOHAWKIS1 1/14/2013 7:57PM

    Wow! You inspired me to meet my goals. I, too, will never be a supermodel--or even much of a model, although I did participate in a fashion show at larger women's clothing store (the pay was a huge discount off the clothing I chose for the show). No, I just want to walk into a store and NOT have to search for the WOMEN'S section--I'd just like to buy normal sizes.

Thanks for this inspiration.

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SHIMMERMAMA 1/14/2013 6:59PM

    Great job! You're so inspiring that you made me smile for the first time today! I can't wait until I have that same smile without the resentment and other bad feelings behind it.

Comment edited on: 1/14/2013 7:00:07 PM

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MIZZKINS 1/14/2013 9:41AM

    Yay! Your happiness is catching! emoticon

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SLENDERELLA61 1/14/2013 8:19AM

    Live with joy!! Great for you! Thanks so much for sharing. WOW!!

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HEALTHYGRAMMY49 1/13/2013 9:33PM

    Me too...thanks for the encouragement. Congrats on your continued progress!

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FIREWOMN 1/13/2013 5:31PM

    What an inspiration you are to me today. Thank you so much for your honesty and openness. I will take your story in my heart today as I make my way along my Spark journey. Big hugs to you. emoticon

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SPRINGBABY80 1/13/2013 10:41AM

  So beautiful, realistic indeed, keep up the good work.

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TORTISE110 1/13/2013 7:16AM

    You rock! Joy and more joy to you and your girl.

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SHRINKINGSHERI 1/13/2013 5:33AM

    emoticon

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TYLYNN61 1/12/2013 8:47AM

    you are AWESOME wow , I needed to read this today. Thank you for reminding me why I need to complete my journey. I ALMOST forgot.

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CM_GARDNER78 1/11/2013 11:16PM

    You are amazing!!! I CAN see the joy in that smile! :-) You are awesome - a true inspiration!! Keep it up....for you and for your beautiful daughter! :-)
(((HUGS)))

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1DERLAND14 1/11/2013 10:13PM

    emoticon

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ADVENTURESEEKER 1/11/2013 6:38PM

    emoticon emoticon

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WONDERGALE 1/11/2013 5:39PM

    emoticon That's all I can say!

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BRONZE50 1/11/2013 2:46PM

  Thanks for sharing your story. You inspire me.

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JACEUG 1/11/2013 1:57PM

    Excellent! Congratulations...you are that inspiration I need today..thank you!

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BILLETWIFE 1/11/2013 12:10PM

    Thank you for sharing. You aren't ALMOST an inspiration. I would say you are ABSOLUTELY an inspiration.

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FITMARTI 1/11/2013 6:47AM

    emoticon

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THEGILLS2006 1/10/2013 9:02PM

    Good luck with everything I like how you used the word almost!!

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BOUTTIME24 1/10/2013 10:08AM

    This brought tears to my eyes! Literally crying happy tears for you! You are an amazing person. Probably doesn't mean much cause we don't know each other but I am proud of you. You inspire me!

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LIFETIMER54 1/10/2013 2:14AM

  emoticon for the inspiration, your truly an emoticon lady.

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MOVEITMARY 1/9/2013 9:28PM

    You are a super ROLE model, to those with whom you share your story and to your daughter.

Thank you for sharing this with us - especially right after the holidays when many of us are struggling with our motivation.

You are emoticon

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LIVINHEALTHY9 1/9/2013 9:00PM

    You so deserve to have that surgery!

You journey is so inspiring. Glad you found your joy!

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PEACEHOPE1 1/9/2013 8:33PM

    Yay, good for you! You look amazing and it's wonderful to hear how much more happiness you have in your life now. Awesome!

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MARYJEANSL 1/9/2013 8:12PM

  Good for you!! I hope your doctor was/is supportive.

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MOONSTREAM 1/9/2013 8:08PM

    emoticon Great spark spirit!

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NGCHILD 1/9/2013 8:07PM

    What a great blog and she is a great inspiration!!

emoticon

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GOOSIEMOON 1/9/2013 7:56PM

    emoticon

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CAMSEDGE 1/9/2013 7:41PM

    Wonderfull story. Hurray for you...and your daughter.

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JILLIAN40 1/9/2013 7:32PM

    Thank-you so much for your lovely, inspirational blog!

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KTISFOCUSED 1/9/2013 6:31PM

    You are amazing! Your little girl is so blessed to have a mom who did all this for her and showed her you can achieve whatever you believe. Congratulations!!!

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EMMAEKAY 1/9/2013 6:01PM

    Beautiful!

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CARBHEADKM 1/9/2013 5:53PM

    WOW!!! WAY TO GO! Your are a great example for your daughter.

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MUSOLF6 1/9/2013 5:47PM

    emoticon

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SPEEDY143 1/9/2013 3:17PM

    emoticon YOU get that surgery sweetie... you deserve it emoticon emoticon emoticon

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JOANOFSPARK 1/9/2013 1:53PM

    Ohhhh, Yeah.......you got to me......the two pictures tell the whole story.......well,okay...not the whole story but they are pretty graphic....and your story is so inspiring....it really moved me....Joyous is the word that I would use to describe you....you can see it shining out of your eyes....and you have such a powerful glow ..a radiance.....of love and joy....who needs a super model........you are the real thing......*hugs* :) emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MARIANNE9855 1/9/2013 1:28PM

    another inspiring post from someone who was as large as me and changed. You have no idea what these posts mean to me- so helpful to stay motivated.

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RUFFIT 1/9/2013 1:04PM

    You are an inspiration. Thanks for being here!! Moni emoticon emoticon

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NETSUE64 1/9/2013 12:48PM

    You have done an amazing job and have obviously worked very hard to be a great mom! You are an inspiration to me.

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