I've been taking pictures of my food in addition to tracking it. Call me a slow learner; I had no idea it would keep me so much more accountable! The extra handful of popcorn or piece of chocolate or whatever I eat at night without tracking because I don't feel like it adds 150 calories to some of my days.
I can now stop misplacing blame on my body for not cooperating with my half hearted attempts at weight loss, and instead, maybe I'll actually lose more than 5 pounds this year. Not that keeping 35 off isn't a huge accomplishment for me, but I have 30 more pounds to lose and it would be more helpful if it took less than 6 years.
A number of very kind friends have been asking how things in general are going, so for those interested...
My Smartest Ideas of 2012:
1) Moving to the city from the island. My bff/housemate is wonderful and easy to live with. I have access to everything without a car. I ride my bike everywhere. If I don't feel like riding in the rain, I can hop on Seattle's great public transportation system. I love not feeling so trapped and isolated on the island. I'm actually having quality time with my sister on the island this weekend. It's a beautiful place to visit and then leave.
2) High Impact Interval Training. How about being Arthritic, Asthmatic, Chronically Depressed, Overweight, and Doing It Anyway! The 3 years it took to build up to it and figure out what modifications work best for my body was all worth the time and effort.
3) Decreasing my wheat consumption. I'm pretty sure I'm allergic to it, because it flares up my arthritis and asthma too much. I'll build up to eliminating it entirely.
My Big Ideas for 2013:
1) Staying off anti depressants. It's been over a year since I quit taking them. I can't say it's been easy. Almost every day, I question if it's time to start them back up. PTSD can be debilitating when you least expect it and I never know quite how it's going to impact me, but as long as I remember it's temporary and that I'm not a Bad Person, I seem to get through it. It also helps to think of kittens. I'm partly being a smart ass, but seriously, I can't remind myself enough that I've spent several years and thousands of dollars in therapy already, where I've already done the hard and serious work, so it's ok to lighten up a bit. Now that I live closer to more people and more sources for FUN, it's easier to get me and my bad mood out of the house. Antidepressants will always be an option, but for now I'd rather see if I can get used to asking for other support first, which is going well so far.
2) Physical relaxation. I'm giving myself until Jan. 31st to come up with a plan to counter the intensity of my workouts with a source of relaxation for my body at least twice a week.
3) Less sugar. I've cut waaaaay down, but I give myself treats more often than I should.
4) Revisiting my motivations for improving my eating habits once a week.
Thanks for reading if you've gotten this far. I hope you're all having a great start to your new year!