Saturday, January 05, 2013
There is no one like you.
There will never be anyone like you.
No one can compare.
So why are you comparing yourself to others?
We all fall victim to this in so many ways. Comparisons are how we give ourselves hope sometimes, "Oh if she can do it, then I can do it." But often, we inadvertently use them to drag ourselves down into a pit of negativity that only requires more work to recover from. So spare yourself the trouble and don't compare.
It takes effort to stop that sort of habit, but in this way, for once, ignorance is bliss.
I have preached this often to my cousin, who is so like me that she has feelings for one of her classmates with a girlfriend. And in analyzing their relationship, she often finds herself wondering how they stay together. What drives them to keep going? What makes them tick? And I say that it is only wasted brain cells and pure pain because we can never truly understand another's consciousness and feelings. We only strive to relate to them as much as possible and have them open up to us.
Today too, I was on facebook, and my newsfeed alerted me to Ken being tagged in a new year's album. I should've taken the high road and clicked "hide story." But instead, I clicked through to see photos of his tiny pretty girlfriend draped all over him while they were at her sister's party. I found myself unconsciously comparing my body language to theirs. My eyes to her eyes. Her hair, her very petite size. It never helps that when people talk of her, they only ever mention how pretty she is. Not a lot to her personality. But always how lovely she looks.
The next thing I knew, I had cycled through the photos not once, not twice, but three times. Three times!!
And then I clicked "hide story."
And I breathed.
It's not that I'm not willing to face the truth. They have been together for so long. Chances are, they will remain so, regardless of my feelings for him. I can pour out my soul and it will only go so far. All I can hope is to maintain a friendship with him because everything else is beyond my control.
But what is in my control is taking that one step - not comparing myself to her. Feeling good about me is solely for me and cannot be defined or changed by anyone else. And so, I ask you all to do the same. When you're at the gym, don't look around at the folks on the treadmills running 10 mph and feel crappy. You have come so far. You, each, in committing to yourselves have recognized the value in your very existence. You're saying, "yeah, I'm awesome. I'm unique. I deserve to feel healthy for me." And know that one day, you could be that person running a 6 minute mile too. But be thankful for every step along the way. I'm glad that I've built myself up from not being able to jog at 4 mph for a minute, to being able to go a little bit beyond that and jog at a higher speed for even something as small as 2 minutes. It's growth.
And while it is taking time to accept that someone out there can like me for me, I think it is ultimately a value system that I need to discover for myself. I am worthy of the love I seek and the life I wish to lead and the healthy lifestyle/body that I want. I am a unique spirit and full of joy and love and lots of other great qualities.
I need to stop comparing myself to others socially and in terms of making a lifestyle change and be glad that I possess a well rounded personality and that the body I want will simply be a reflection of the inner me given more time. It's definitely not vice versa. And in the meantime, good for that person running that super fast mile. Good for J and Ken (though, I still have to tell him I'm in love with him one of these days, haha).
And good for me... for being me.