Saturday, January 05, 2013
Okay, so this is new for me. I've been part of sparkpeople for a few years now. NEVER posted before. Soooooooo here I am going to post and I figure I might as well share my journey thusfar.
I'm 27 and have been overweight for more than half of my life. I would go on weight loss kicks and fads and trying everything to lose weight only to regain it back. Never really looking at the reasons behind it, a lot of it being self-esteem and clinical depression issues.
I was in a pretty bad relationship from 2007-2009 where I hit my peak of 211 pounds. I'm about 5'6" so I was pretty big (to me). Unfortunately this relationship didn't help as the guy, among other things, told me he was embarassed to be seen with me because of my weight, asked me if I would go on diet pills, and was talking about my weight to a "friend" of his who laughed about and insulted me and he didn't challenge it.
When I actually weighed myself and saw that I was over 200 pounds was my big realization I did not want to be that big. So I lost some weight and got below 200.
It took me a while to recover emotionally from that relationship and in 2010 I met and started seeing someone who loves me as I am, and when we started dating I was around 175 pounds. I worked on my self-esteem and depression as well and started to be in the best place mentally that I had ever been. I decided I wanted to look and feel better for me because I wanted to be the best me I could be. I started going on SparkPeople religiously and using every tip I found on there.
Later im 2011, my boyfriend's work hosted a weight loss competition where you earned money off at the store for each pound you lost, so we decided to join. We even gained some weight the week before intentionally to help us kick start it. It lasted 4 months and I was the most dedicated you could ever be - I was obsessed. The winning team would get their combined weight lost as money off so I was determined to win, still using SparkPeople as a mentor. I exercised almost every single day and did not allow myself to eat any extras. I went from 160-123 pounds. I bought a whole new wardrobe and donated most of my old stuff so it would make me more likely to stick to things if I had to buy new clothes if I gained weight. My clavicles were jutting out and some people were concerned and asked if I was eating at all (and I wasn't starving myself at all). The problem was I still hated my body and was even disgusted. My belly where I had most of my fat had a lot of loose skin which dangled when I did a sit up.
So my plan? Enjoy myself, which included eating. I intended to gain some of the weight back and then slowly lose it in a more proper, healthier way so that my skin had more time to adjust and hopefully tightened up. It wasn't until I couldn't fit into any of my new pants without an unpleasant muffin top. Finally I weighed myself (put it off out of fear) and found out I went almost all the way up to 160 again.
So I started going back to the weight loss. Only this time, I intend to do things right. I am thinking healthy and long term and not about getting down in the numbers the quickest. I believe I'm actually doing things the genuine Sparkpeople way :). I'm planning to lose about 5 pounds a month so my body has proper time to adjust. I am exercising but not obsessing about it. I am also working on some other areas of my life to improve them as well.
Despite the weight gain, 2012 was still a great year for me - I'm sure 2013 will be even better with me getting to a healthier me all around!