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Starting the new year

Saturday, January 05, 2013

I made it through the holidays gaining/losing about the same amount, so there is no remorseful, New Year's damage control to be done, thank goodness. I did, however, enter into a depressed state like one I have never experienced before this past holiday season. Lots on my plate. Tons to sort out. The inside had become messier than the outside (which I have been neglecting for a long time), and it was just not something I could handle. And to have it happen during my favorite holiday season just about emotionally killed me. I did not wear mascara in November or December.

Today feels different. Today feels really *good*.

Taking advantage of this resurrection of faith and serotonin, I made my annual excel spreadsheet for 2013 today and printed it out to post in my bathroom. I monitor my weight almost every day and write it on this posted chart because "out of sight, out of mind" is SOOOOO true for me when it comes to my weight. Every morning, BAM, there it is. Take note. Eat right.

Looking at last year's chart, I noticed that my weight today is almost exactly what it was at the beginning of 2012. At first that was a blow, but then considering the rollercoaster that was 2012, I realized, "Hey, I didn't permanently gain weight this year. That's a positive!"

So, given that sudden revelation and turn of attitude, I decided to set some goals for myself. NOT New Year's Resolutions. Goals. Goals that can be adjusted or modified as necessary. Not resolutions that are "broken" once you deviate from them one time, even for a teeny tiny bit. That's like asking to fail. And heaven knows I don't need any failures to set me back emotionally right now.

1. By my 30-year high school reunion this summer, I will have achieved a weight of 199 lbs or less. That allows me to burn off a reasonable amount of weight every month (5 lbs per month) without becoming obsessed or neurotic or injured. I want to be able to wear summer clothes confidently at this reunion. Hopefully at 199 lbs, Mr. X won't ask me when I'm due like he did at our 5-year reunion. At 48, I better NOT be due. And at 48, he should no longer be dumb enough to ask a woman when she's due.

2. By January of 2014, I will have achieved a weight of 175 lbs or less (again, 4-5 lbs eradicated per month). Because I want to be healthy. Because I want to have a broader selection and buy clothes in regular stores. Because I want to wear a swimsuit that doesn't have a stupid skirt on it. Because I want to sit down without my boobs being propped up on my belly, cuz face it, that's just gross. (I don't care how confident a person is, "Bra-by-belly" is not attractive on anyone). Because I want to walk in shorts (or naked) without having to "walk around my thighs" or having my thigh skin chafe to the point of feeling as if it's on fire.

Just *cuz*.

3. Closet purge. I will purge my closet of "fat clothes" as I lose the weight, not waiting until the closet is out of control and growing clothespiles like I have in the past. Currently, my closet mocks me. It is bursting with clothes, most of which are too small leaving little room for the clothes that fit. A sign from the universe that it is time for weight loss, perhaps? A clean, organized closet is crack to me. To get that closet, I must lose weight and purge clothes and *stuff*. My reward? A euphoric high everytime I step into my clothing castle.

So, here we go. Tomorrow DH and I will be hitting Planet Fitness where I am a member. He wants to help me get back to the happy place I had carved out in 2010 when I was down to 199 lbs. He doesn't belong to a gym right now, and he liked the $10/month, 24-hour aspect of PF. Maybe we can get back to workout date nights again. Those were fun.
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