Saturday, January 05, 2013
It's funny how something totally banal can lead to a new spark in an effort that's already beginning to lose it's beginner's luck sparkle. After a recent shopping trip, I realized that my closet was an absolute mess: overflowing with clothes and disorganized to the point that I often wear the same things over and over because I know where to find them. So I stopped at the dollar store to pick up some hangers. Which led to pulling nearly everything out of my closet to figure out what was going to go where. And as I pulled things out, I realized that I had a stack of jeans, skirts, dresses, and tops that I hadn't SEEN let alone worn in months. Why was that? Was it simply that they had gotten shoved into odd corners of my closet and I had forgotten about them? Or was it because they didn't fit.
I'm probably not the only one of us that has multiple sizes of jeans and other clothes in her closet. Sure, there are the dresses that are a size up because they're cut for less curvy women and the jeans that have numbers on the label which only vaguely correspond to how they fit my normally size whatever booty. But the main reason for those multiple sizes in my (and I'm sure yours) closet is the dreaded yo-yo. There are the "fat" jeans and the "skinny" jeans. The two-sizes smaller motivation jeans. The "need to lose 5 pounds before I can squeeze into it" dress that you KNOW you're just going to look fabulous in one day. And then there are the clothes that you actually wear.
Most of my "skinny" jeans and dresses are items that I did at one point (fairly recently) fit into and wear on a regular basis. The only time I'll buy an item that doesn't quite fit at the moment but I hope will fit soon is if it zips/buttons but it's a wee bit tight AND it doesn't come in a bigger size AND it would break my heart not to have it AND it's a decent price, usually on super-mega-clearance sale. Like the Calvin Klein dress I bought for my birthday last year at 80% off that makes me look like a Mad-Men era pinup girl...when it fits. But I digress.
As I flipped through the twelve-plus pairs of jeans hanging in my closet, wondering when I had ever worn some of them, I decided to try them on. And then I decided to try on everything in my closet. I ended up with a pile of clothes that didn't fit. Clothes that were one size too small, almost the right size but not quite, and of course...when the hell did I fit into this?! And as I stood there looking at the pile, wondering what to do with them, I thought about how awesome it would feel to actually zip them up and wear them one day. But I also thought about what it would be like having them stare me in the face every day, knowing I'm "too fat" to wear them right now. It was like mood whiplash: from flying high to "pass me the ice cream" in two seconds flat.
I didn't want to throw them out or donate them because most of them wouldn't take an absurd amount of time to fit into. Five pounds at the minimum, maybe ten at the max. I could do that. In fact, I'm GOING to do that. But it will take time. So I had the brilliant idea to take every piece of clothing that doesn't currently fit, but that could probably fit in a few months and hanging them nicely in the farthest corner of my closet. There, they would sit and wait for me like silent cheerleaders, but they wouldn't taunt me every time I went to get dressed. I might even forget about them until the jeans I currently wear begin to get too loose to be worn in public. But in the meantime, when I open my closet, I know I don't have to worry about whether or not I'm going to feel fat or uncomfortable in the clothes hanging there. They've all been tested and approved. I feel good in them. And more than the future joy of fitting into a smaller size, that's a big boost to my confidence that I can have right now.