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    NIKKICOLE83   19,433
15,000-19,999 SparkPoints

****you will know when you get there****

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Saturday, January 05, 2013

I am a goal-setter and have been one since I was a child. I remember at 8 years old looking through a JCPenney's catalog and planning how I would design my first home. I then asked my mom for posterboard and made a goal timeline of everything I wanted to accomplish by 30 years old. I was eight. My timeline was such:

-Graduate from college by 21 emoticon
-Have a career by 25 emoticon
-Married by 25 emoticon
-Mother and homeowner by 30 emoticon

I knew EXACTLY what life I THOUGHT I wanted to have and because I am so driven I fought to reach those goals. And I did, to my dismay. Let me tell you how my quest to live this perfect life REALLY ended up.

-I did graduate from college, and it was a very proud and rewarding time of my life. Yet, I left still wondering if I found my true passion. I am still gald I did it.

-At 29, I am NOW in the position of my life that I enjoy. I have been with my company since 22 years old and at 25 I was a Financial Consultant with a path in front of me, but I wasnt happy. I would cry at least once a week and had to talk myself out of quitting everyday. But I had an office and was respected by my family and friends. Thankfully I stick it out and built my skill-set to get to where I am now. And ultimately, this is not my end goal either.

-Married by 25. I hate that I even had this goal. Having the mindset that I needed to have a ring on my finger led me to marry an abusive a$$hole for the sake of being married. We actually married at 23 and were divorced by 26. And yeah that home that I had to own? We bought that at 23 years old too. It was foreclosed on three years later after my husband secretly withdrew our mortgage payments to pay on back due child support for the child that he secretly had just six months into our marriage. AAhH goals. They SUCK don't they???

-I have always planned on being a mommy. I think THAT is my ultimate dream. A career cannot fulfill me the way being a mother can. Well my ex and I had 3 kids. Two did not survive pre-term labor (Anthony and Nicholas), Alicia survived being bor 12 weeks premature but ultimately passed away 19 months later. I am CONVINCED that God chose me to be her mommy and I learned so many lessons from her. I learned YOU CANNOT PLAN LIFE.

YOU CANNOT PLAN LIFE FOLKS. You can prepare. And goals are a good way to direct your actions but even when you do everything 100% right, it still may not turn out the way you wanted. I did everything "right". Went to college, got a husabnd, got a house, had some babies. Yet there I was at 27 years old broke, single, alone and living with my mom. That experience humbled me. It wasnt until yesterday that I made the connection with that and my weight loss.

I CANNOT PLACE AN "END DATE" FOR MY WEIGHTLOSS GOAL. Yeah it would be nice to be 100 lbs down in a year and I am sure people do it everyday. But what are you willing to give up to get there? Would you be any less happy to be 100 lbs down if it took you 18 months? And how much better would your quality of life be if you took the pressure off of yourself?

WHAT WAS A GOAL AT ONE TIME, MAY NOT BE YOUR GOAL LATER. I aimed to be 180 lbs. Currently I am sitting at 222 and I looked at myself in the mirror and realized that 180 may not be for me. I like what I see now. I know there is still room for improvement. But as I near 180, I think I may be happier at 200 lbs. I may not. The point is not to be so tied to a specific number that you don't see yourself at your best. Not everyone looks good at a size 2, 8 or even 20.

BASICALLY, YOU WILL KNOW WHEN YOU GET THERE. But you will only know if you are present during this journey. Don't get so overtaken with the process of losing weight that you don't see what's going on around you. What good will being thin be if you lost sight of your husband, kids and friends along the way? Or if you micro-managed the process so tightly that once you hit maintenance, you don't know how to cope? Setting goals will give you direction but you need to direct the course and know when to end the ride.

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
CICELY360 1/6/2013 7:36PM

  good blog

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KARRENLYNN 1/6/2013 6:52PM

    People change and hopefully grow as they get older. They have more experience to draw on. You pick a goal, make a plan, prepare for contingencies, execute, evaluate, adjust, and execute again.

You just do the best you can every day.


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PATRICIAANN46 1/6/2013 4:58PM

  Very well written.........You sound like you are getting stronger and stronger. emoticon for the excellent insight.

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ALIDOSHA 1/6/2013 4:49PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BLKLILY 1/6/2013 4:37PM


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AVENJEE 1/6/2013 3:56PM

    so inspiring emoticon

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MARYJEANSL 1/6/2013 3:43PM

  Setting goals can be good or bad, depending on the person and the situation. I am so very sorry for the loss of your childen! It sounds like you know more of what you want for your life now than you did at 8! Best wishes to you as you move ahead.

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SJKENT1 1/6/2013 2:55PM

    I have never liked setting goals, only did it when it was someone else's idea and I had to comply.

However I do enjoy dreaming and love a plan. Planning to me keeps the deal open ended and on-going.

My best plan is to lay my life down to the plan that the Lord has for me.

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VOLLEYGIRL77 1/6/2013 2:30PM

    Wow great blog! I'm glad you can still look to God after going through what you did. You seem to be an amazing woman!

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SHOAPIE 1/6/2013 2:28PM


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JOANNHUNT 1/6/2013 1:25PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SUSIEMT 1/6/2013 12:57PM

    Keep up the good work Nikki! You sound like an amazing woman!

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JACKIE542 1/6/2013 12:35PM

    Very well written thought provoking blog, thank you for this. emoticon emoticon

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NEWMOM20121 1/6/2013 12:35PM

    Thank you for sharing. All in your time, this is not a race.

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FIDDLEMOM 1/6/2013 12:30PM

    This is an awesome, fantastic, inspiring blog post, NIKKICOLE83!

I'm kinda the opposite in that I had goals that I felt like a failure for not reaching . . .

. . . but when I really thought about it I was very happy with what happened instead of what I had thought I wanted. It was better in the long run that I didn't reach those goals.

Either way, your story or mine, I've come to where I don't trust the whole goal setting thing unless it is approached with wiggle room like you describe in this blog. We don't know what lies ahead, much of it stuff we have no control over. We need to have targets, things we're aiming for, but we should always realize that the bullseye might not always be what we're going to hit and that sometimes near is just as good.

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DARWHOHOO 1/6/2013 12:29PM

    I absolutely agree with this!! We need to appreciate the journey towards the goal and not be so focussed on the goal. Thank you so much for this blog. I now feel less alone in liking my surroundings on this journey. Yeah it frustrates me sometimes but there are good times and I revel in them.

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DJSHIP46 1/6/2013 10:36AM

    VERY grateful to be non-obsessed with goals!!! And even though I weigh more than I'd like... I'm very healthy & happy! Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

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IAMAGEMLOVER 1/6/2013 10:13AM

    What a great blog. emoticon for sharing such an inspirational part of your life.

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JAZZII4 1/6/2013 10:12AM

    emoticon for sharing such an amazing. insightful, blog. I definitely have learned not to pressure myself with, timelines. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SUSANK16 1/6/2013 9:44AM

  Reminds me of the John Lennon line -- life if what happens when you are busy making other plans. No goals are problematic the wrong goals are problematic.

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MOMMY445 1/6/2013 9:31AM

    i agree. this is a terrific blog! thanks for sharing and have a wonderful day! you can do this! you are worth it!

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PENOWOK 1/6/2013 9:24AM

    You have had some heart-wrenching kicks in the gut along the way. One thing I heard is be careful what you ask for. You are right that you will know when you are where you need to be, but don't settle for less than who you can be. I can remember thinking I will never go below 140 pounds again...never fit into a 10, yet with the support of SP, I am there. You don't have to have number goals. You sure can do goals that meet other areas of your life. You are a smart young woman. We are here for support...

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JANEMARIE77 1/6/2013 9:23AM

    All of lift is a lesson thanks for sharing yours emoticon

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ROUNDTOWNMOM 1/6/2013 9:18AM

    What a wonderful sharing you chose to do for all of us..........thank-you! Several of your statements caught me off guard..........and I'm now re-evaluating my own thoughts and goals....................

e last paragraph, for me, summed it all up quite nicely.......

Thank you!

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DNRAE1 1/6/2013 9:10AM

    Isn't it amazing that we learn some of our greatest lessons through adversity. Your blog is wonderful and very insightful. Have a terrific year!

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MIMIDOT 1/6/2013 8:57AM

    What a great blog! You've learned a lot and are passing it on to us. Thank you for sharing. Enjoy your life, one day at a time.

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REGILIEH 1/6/2013 8:57AM

    WOW!!! You certainly have lived a lot of life in a short time. The great thing is you have learned more than most have at your age and the younger we learn things it is usually for the better. Because of what you have already learned I would say you have the WORLD by the tail! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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JUSTBNSHARON 1/6/2013 8:45AM

    You have been wise enough to learn from your life experiences. Good for you!!!

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TRYINGHARD54 1/6/2013 8:44AM

    I live day to day and one step at a time. great blog.....thank you for sharing...

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CJADERUN 1/6/2013 8:38AM

    Girl, you are super popular!

And I know that feel, bro--I want everything planned so I know what to do and when. I wasn't always this way, but I've become this way. I like planning so I don't have to figure out what to do with something comes up and end up panicking.

And while I can plan SOME things, planning deadlines is pretty much impossible for career, romantic life, weight loss, being a mom, and other big things! I can plan going to the gym, but I can't plan when I'll get married if I'm not even engaged yet!

Have an awesome day!

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SUNSHINEGB 1/6/2013 7:55AM

    What an insightful blog, thank you for sharing with us.
You are young and have your entire life before you. Live each day and enjoy each day.

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    Posts like this are the reason that I love SP. Thank you for being such a positive influence on this community! You are on-of-a-kind!

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SANDYCRANE 1/6/2013 7:09AM

    Thank you for sharing all that. It gives a new meaning to exactly what a goal is. You are still young and have your whole life ahead of you. I am sorry to hear about your children, that had to be hard. I was very moved by what you wrote and it gives me a lot to think about.


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BECKYANNE1 1/6/2013 6:50AM

    Great job! I never really planned a time when I would reach my goal. I would put dates down for the sake of it, but I really was never serious about them. I always new that someday I would reach my goal and I was fine with that. You Can Do It!

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MARYBETH4884 1/6/2013 6:47AM

    Downward momentum is my goal, I don't have an end date or specific weight in mind. I want to get healthy and feel good. I know there will be plateaus and stalls but I'm already feeling better so it is all progress! So I know exactly how you feel thanks for expressing it so well!

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IMACLICHE2013 1/6/2013 6:40AM

    Wow, great insights--thank you for sharing with us!

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SPARKLISE 1/6/2013 5:55AM

    emoticon You are doing a great job at learning about yourself at such a young age! For many (me!) it takes much longer and for others they never have a clue!l

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LIFETIMER54 1/6/2013 5:49AM

  emoticon emoticon emoticon

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EVER-HOPEFUL 1/6/2013 5:34AM


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FLY0NTHEWAL1 1/6/2013 5:09AM

    Your story is incredible. I have always felt that life cannot be planned, and did very little to prepare too. Actually, I thought I wouldn't even live this long (am 32 now), so I feel so far behind most of my peers, and even people a generation younger than me seem to have it more together. I wasn't expecting to be where I am now (alive, seeking a life of passion and health), but I'm doing what I can to make it great going forward.
I agree with the not setting a right number, because I think that if you eat healthy and exercise enough, your body will find its own right number.

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SPIRALDOWN 1/6/2013 4:28AM

    Thanks for your blog

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LISAN0415 1/6/2013 2:55AM

    Great blog!

You are right- I anticipated wanting to lose 48 lbs- so I can be in the normal BMI range, but now That I am down 34 lbs I think I may need to lose more than 14 more lbs.

I will know it when I get there!
Best wishes!

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BOGUSANNIE 1/5/2013 11:42PM

    I have to say part of me admires you type 'A' personalities....then there's the part of me that says " are you freaking crazy? " lol.....

Great blog!

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EUEK098 1/5/2013 10:06PM

    emoticon NIKKI, you always write what I need to hear, recently it has come to my attention that I might have pushed too many things to the side lines because of a goal and a certain date, but am working on balance right now.

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PEACH_ALICEA89 1/5/2013 9:24PM

    Your blog is very insightful. You truly have a way with words. All I can say is wow. Good job!

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MJREIMERS 1/5/2013 7:23PM

    You never cease to amaze me! emoticon

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MERRY_XMAS 1/5/2013 5:25PM

    I read your blogs about 6 months now and I hope you won't get what I write in the wrong way, but it seems that this weight-loss journey made you wiser... It's not that your blogs weren't great before, but know there is a truth and an insight which indicate that you have really found a way to communicate with yourself. And you are in a position to make us all understand your truth; it's the truth of many of us but sometimes we can't express it in the way you do.

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts!


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BRENNA84 1/5/2013 4:31PM

    wow! thanx so much for your blog.

I am loving ALL of your blogs. awesome. If someone had told me at 16, 14 what my life would be like at 28, i would have punched them and run away lol or cussed them out hehe

but I can't regret it cuz of lessons learned, kidz I've had, awesome ppl I have met along the way.

so true about the weight loss too

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33ALLUNA 1/5/2013 2:58PM

    I had to subscribe to your blog!
You seem to have a way of saying everything that I am thinking but in such an eloquent way. Thank you for having the courage to say what you say! You are such a beautiful person!
I think we have all managed to learn a thing or 2 on our journey (I hope so anyway).
I love it!

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ALLISON145 1/5/2013 2:23PM

    This is a very insightful post. It would serve me well to remember this along the way. I'm generally an all or nothing kind of girl, and I need to learn moderation in behavior and mentality.



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