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    NIKKICOLE83   19,880
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****you will know when you get there****

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Saturday, January 05, 2013

I am a goal-setter and have been one since I was a child. I remember at 8 years old looking through a JCPenney's catalog and planning how I would design my first home. I then asked my mom for posterboard and made a goal timeline of everything I wanted to accomplish by 30 years old. I was eight. My timeline was such:

-Graduate from college by 21 emoticon
-Have a career by 25 emoticon
-Married by 25 emoticon
-Mother and homeowner by 30 emoticon

I knew EXACTLY what life I THOUGHT I wanted to have and because I am so driven I fought to reach those goals. And I did, to my dismay. Let me tell you how my quest to live this perfect life REALLY ended up.

-I did graduate from college, and it was a very proud and rewarding time of my life. Yet, I left still wondering if I found my true passion. I am still gald I did it.

-At 29, I am NOW in the position of my life that I enjoy. I have been with my company since 22 years old and at 25 I was a Financial Consultant with a path in front of me, but I wasnt happy. I would cry at least once a week and had to talk myself out of quitting everyday. But I had an office and was respected by my family and friends. Thankfully I stick it out and built my skill-set to get to where I am now. And ultimately, this is not my end goal either.

-Married by 25. I hate that I even had this goal. Having the mindset that I needed to have a ring on my finger led me to marry an abusive a$$hole for the sake of being married. We actually married at 23 and were divorced by 26. And yeah that home that I had to own? We bought that at 23 years old too. It was foreclosed on three years later after my husband secretly withdrew our mortgage payments to pay on back due child support for the child that he secretly had just six months into our marriage. AAhH goals. They SUCK don't they???

-I have always planned on being a mommy. I think THAT is my ultimate dream. A career cannot fulfill me the way being a mother can. Well my ex and I had 3 kids. Two did not survive pre-term labor (Anthony and Nicholas), Alicia survived being bor 12 weeks premature but ultimately passed away 19 months later. I am CONVINCED that God chose me to be her mommy and I learned so many lessons from her. I learned YOU CANNOT PLAN LIFE.

YOU CANNOT PLAN LIFE FOLKS. You can prepare. And goals are a good way to direct your actions but even when you do everything 100% right, it still may not turn out the way you wanted. I did everything "right". Went to college, got a husabnd, got a house, had some babies. Yet there I was at 27 years old broke, single, alone and living with my mom. That experience humbled me. It wasnt until yesterday that I made the connection with that and my weight loss.

I CANNOT PLACE AN "END DATE" FOR MY WEIGHTLOSS GOAL. Yeah it would be nice to be 100 lbs down in a year and I am sure people do it everyday. But what are you willing to give up to get there? Would you be any less happy to be 100 lbs down if it took you 18 months? And how much better would your quality of life be if you took the pressure off of yourself?

WHAT WAS A GOAL AT ONE TIME, MAY NOT BE YOUR GOAL LATER. I aimed to be 180 lbs. Currently I am sitting at 222 and I looked at myself in the mirror and realized that 180 may not be for me. I like what I see now. I know there is still room for improvement. But as I near 180, I think I may be happier at 200 lbs. I may not. The point is not to be so tied to a specific number that you don't see yourself at your best. Not everyone looks good at a size 2, 8 or even 20.

BASICALLY, YOU WILL KNOW WHEN YOU GET THERE. But you will only know if you are present during this journey. Don't get so overtaken with the process of losing weight that you don't see what's going on around you. What good will being thin be if you lost sight of your husband, kids and friends along the way? Or if you micro-managed the process so tightly that once you hit maintenance, you don't know how to cope? Setting goals will give you direction but you need to direct the course and know when to end the ride.

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
NOMOEXCUSES13 3/4/2013 2:07PM

    LOVE LOVE LOVE this blog! Wow! That's all I can say right now! emoticon

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EFFRAYECHILDE 1/19/2013 11:09AM

    emoticon Thanks for sharing.

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PENNYSAVER2 1/16/2013 5:34PM

    Thanks so much for sharing!! emoticon

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CM_GARDNER78 1/11/2013 11:20PM

    GREAT blog!!! You are so true - you can think you know how everything is supposed to go....but planning, perception, and reality, can all be VERY different!!! Focus on the journey - not the end result. I try to remind myself of that.........

You are awesome!!!

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    This blog brought a tear to my eye.

You can't plan life. You can only prepare. ---True that.

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READY4CHANGE81 1/10/2013 10:45PM

    Thank you so much for posting this. It brought tears to my eye because I could relate to it so much. Sometimes I get so focused on the goal that I do not enjoy the journey. I am thankful for my fresh start in Hawaii and figuring out who I am am and I want want out of life.
love ya girl!!!! Thanks for always being real and all that you share with us.

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DONNA5281 1/9/2013 9:10PM



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PURPLE180 1/9/2013 4:52PM


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CAMAEL100 1/9/2013 2:31PM

    Amazing wisdom and maturity for a 29 year old. You have had some very tough times and are still positive. I think you are strong enough to achieve anything.

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IBSHAUN 1/9/2013 2:17PM

    Wow, what an fantastic blog. Valuable lessons you have shared with us. I wish you well on your journey!

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KTTAYLOR21 1/9/2013 2:10PM

    The most powerful thing out of all of that is the wisdom gained in these lessons. So many people go through lifes lessons and never understand what the lesson was. You GOT IT!!! And with it, you are wiser. What a blessing!!

emoticon On the award. This post was well worth reading. You are wise beyond your years.

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FIRECOM 1/9/2013 12:03PM

    You have grown in wisdom for sure and that is a great byproduct of goal setting. What worked, what didn't and why to both questions. You did great and will succeed.

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SHIRE33 1/9/2013 6:59AM

    Your blog post really made me think. I have gained back some weight and sometimes that gets me really down. But I have still kept 60 pounds off, and I need to keep ahold of that and let it motivate me to do what I did before.

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HYATTI1 1/9/2013 2:00AM

    I think we have all set time line goals...however since you seem to achive are amazing.


PS...I used the JCP catalog the same way. We would fight over getting that book in the mail. Put all the check marks next to all the clothes I would buy if I had the money.

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MEILUNA 1/9/2013 12:42AM

    Thank you for sharing! Awesome blog post, really inspiring emoticon

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SPSPSP1 1/8/2013 11:40PM

    True words! Keep reaching for joy!

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FARFROMASAINT 1/8/2013 10:59PM


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REENIE131 1/8/2013 10:05PM

    Great blog! Thank you!

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FIZZYBALL 1/8/2013 8:38PM


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LAWANDMUSIC 1/8/2013 8:26PM

    Thanks for sharing.

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    Awesome blog! You are a great motivator!

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WILDFLOWERMA 1/8/2013 5:13PM

    Great wisdom in your words! You are so strong!

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    You are emoticon !! Enough said!!

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KEEPFIT2013 1/8/2013 1:24PM

    Thanks for this perspective on goals. Really well put. Much appreciated. emoticon

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MUFFINS12 1/8/2013 11:18AM

    I love it! True inspiration. Thank you!

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STEVIEBEE569 1/8/2013 11:05AM

    You did it again! Awesome blog! I've learned at 43 years old that life is going to happen, no matter how much you plan for it! This is why I live by my mantra: Live, Learn, & Move On! I had to do this with education, career, relationships, etc. I still plan, but if it doesn't go as plan I'm less like to get too stressed out over the particular issue!

So, again thanks for the blog! emoticon

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HHB4181 1/8/2013 9:56AM

    Great blog, you have a great outlook !!

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    I am sitting here sobbing as I read this. Your story is similar to mine, but I haven't found the courage to tell mine...yet. Thank you for your candor and for sharing your strength and will with us.

You have touched my heart.

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EVADADIVA 1/8/2013 7:20AM

    Great blog. Thank you for sharing!

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DIXIECAP79 1/8/2013 5:51AM

    emoticon emoticon

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FATHINSN 1/8/2013 5:07AM

    Perhaps some goals are not meant to be achieved at that time but you did learned something from experience.

I once aimed for get married and get kids before I'm 30 because a friend said after 30, my eggs will not be good, uhuh. But after so many things happen, I reset my goal about marriage and kids - for a long-lasting, happy relationship (marriage), I don't want to push too hard at fate, let things flow naturally so no matter what age I will or if I ever get married, let things be, it's not end of world :D

And not meeting my goals that I have since I can remember doesn't mean I'm a failure, it means either I need to reset my priorities or I can do much better goals! Or as you said it, "WHAT WAS A GOAL AT ONE TIME, MAY NOT BE YOUR GOAL LATER"

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    Thanks, that was very helpful

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ATTACKFATCAT 1/7/2013 4:05PM

    It's amazing what you think your life will be like at 30 when you are 20, and what it actually ends up being. I pretty much had the same goals you did. Little did I expect 2 failed marriages, PCOS caused fertility issues, and unhappiness in my chosen career all in that ten year span. Now while there was bad, there were also a lot of amazing things I didn't expect to happen to me in that time either, like starting graduate school or owning my own home and finally becoming independent.

People grow and change, and if you are a planner, life is just going to be one long series of disappointments. More than anything, I've learned to be flexible and have hope that in the end, I will be where I need to be as long as I focus on what makes me happy and is important to my health and sanity. I'm not saying it doesn't require work, but I also can't say for sure where I will be in 3 or even 5 years.

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NEWCHINELO 1/7/2013 2:51PM

    Thanks for sharing!

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SERASARA 1/7/2013 12:30PM

  emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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    I believe everyone walks the path they do for a reason weather its a good one or bad one the reason will soon appear. My path was not ideal nor planned but it got me to where I am today with my life. I am thankful for the life I have and what I have because I know it could be much worse.

It sounds like you have had a very hard life so far and I hope it gets easier for you.

I myself do not have a date for my end goal but I set small ones in between but not a huge deal if I do not meet them as long as im losing im winning =)

I wish you the best in your weight loss journey and your life.


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BEVERLYB1989 1/7/2013 8:08AM

  This is so SPOT ON!! I have to tell myself some of these things on a daily basis. I don't need to be married within this amount of time or have children in this amount of time. Yes it would be nice to reach my goal weight by a certain time, but if I don't, life will continue on and I will reach it when my body is ready to. Thank you for your wisdom, and not letting the world tell you who and what you have to be :)

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FARIS71 1/7/2013 5:48AM

    Very insightful. You have learned some terribly hard lessons. Wow!

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BLUEJEAN99 1/7/2013 1:57AM


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ILIKETOZUMBA 1/7/2013 1:53AM

    Moving, thoughtful, fantastic blog. Thank you so much for sharing such deeply personal information. You're so right about not being able to plan life. I am guilty of trying to plan everything. Now, as I struggle with fertility, I am having to adapt my plans for motherhood. I am definitely struggling with maintenance after doing just what you said - managing my weight loss so tightly. I don't know how to relax and just enjoy maintenance. But I am trying.

Thank you again for this wonderful blog.

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JAMER123 1/7/2013 12:20AM

    Thank you for a very introspective blog!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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PCASEY7 1/6/2013 11:55PM

    Great blog, thanks! Lots of insight!

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CLAYARTIST 1/6/2013 10:08PM

  emoticon emoticon emoticon

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NIQUE85 1/6/2013 9:04PM

    love this blog emoticon

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ROCKYCPA 1/6/2013 8:57PM

    Your blog is great!

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JIBBIE49 1/6/2013 8:47PM

    emoticon Great to see your blog featured in the Spark Mail.

What I see wrong with people not having a set goal to lose a 100# is the fact that that voice in their heads that Roger Gould M.D. calls "Harriet" can LIE to them "Oh, eat that pizza, because you can get buy with no weight loss this month, since you have FOREVER to get to your goal, etc. etc." I understand you are talking about stressing over the loss if you miss your goal by a pound, but all in all, getting weight off is HEALTHIER. So many obese young women have fertility problems like PCOS and thyroid. I recommend and reading what Roby Mitchell M.D./PhD has to say on dealing with obesity.
I'm reading "WHEAT BELLY" by William Davis M.D. who has a great lecture on YouTube. I'm avoiding wheat products (not just gluten) and finding I have so much more energy. His book is worth reading.

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REDDBETSY 1/6/2013 8:36PM

    Nice to see a familiar face in one of the "Featured Blog Posts" in the e-mail!
Plus, the blog was good-- my heart hurts for all that you have lost, but you are so inspiring because of what you have made yourself into. Your life is definitely headed in the right direction!

You can do this!

(and thanks for sharing your story with us. It is a powerful message that you have.)

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HEARTS116 1/6/2013 8:23PM


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1MYSTERY_LADY 1/6/2013 8:10PM


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NEWTINK 1/6/2013 8:04PM

    Such an awesome blog ... Very good advice emoticon

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