I am crying.

I am looking at pictures of myself and just... I feel BAD. I feel like I let myself down. I feel like I let my body down. I'm embarassed. I'm angry.

I'm DONE.

How did I put all this weight back on? I guess I can look at it a bunch of different ways, but I'm choosing the following:

1) I got lazy.
2) It doesn't matter.

What does matter is that I recogize that this is a problem and that I take steps to correct it.

So here we are. Even mini goals seem overwhelming right now.

I've signed up for a run in March, and I have a trip out west a few weeks later. I would REALLY like to be back around 230 by the time I head out. I realize that is 29 pounds, but I also feel like I can do this. I CAN DO THIS. I look at that picture of my little face at 232 and I want that face back. I look at pictures of when my BF and I first met, and I want THAT face back. I want to have the cuts and angles and collarbones that I used to have.

And if I want it, I sure as hell better be willing to work.

Here I go again. I'm not crying anymore. I AM DETERMINED.

Weigh ins on Friday. 10 glasses of water a day.

It's time. See you later, 259.