Saturday, January 05, 2013
I'm getting frustrated with myself....I set off to be healthy. I know all the consequences of being obese. I want to be happy with myself. I'm doing this for me and no one else.
I'm very thankful that my wonderful boyfriend is also committed to getting in better shape, too. He is eating healthy most of the time and works out almost daily. Once I have some more money to work with, I will be joining the gym again.
I can't wait to be healthy. I know it will have a tremendous effect on my now daily battle with depression. It's hard to enjoy life when there are so many things negative in it. However, I have hope for a better me. I know I've tried several different things throughout the years to lose weight but what I have come to realize that I must get on a routine and be strict. Not because I want to torture myself but because my longing desire to have spontaneity has not led to healthy me. I have fought so hard against routine in fear that I would become another boring adult who just works and goes home. So I "treat" myself to a snack here or a McDouble there. Or, hey, I dealt with a lot today so I'm going to get a Sonic Blast. Never realizing that those things have an entire day's worth of calories in a small cup! Yikes.
Using myfitnesspal.com has been eye-opening.
For about a month I have been trying new WW recipes building a nice selection of foods to choose from. My first goal is to go from obese to overweight. For me that means dropping to 179. According to a few different "simulators" that could be accomplished by April 13.
I can say it is motivating to know Brad is working out daily because I kind of want to out-do him with this weight loss. Competition=motivation. Plus I can't wait to see how we look! And I'm sure the sex will improve, too! (not that it's lacking now but you know....)
I know all of this. I am motivated.
It's execution that I cannot get a grip on. I have every thing planned out so that I can't say "I dont' know what's for dinner" and end up making a bad decision. I have a freezer full of healthy food prepared and all I have to do is grab it before I leave for work. And yet, I don't.
How do I get on a schedule? And make it stick?
Why do I keep self-sabotaging?