Day #20—Flipping the Switch
Saturday, January 05, 2013
Here I go again not blogging again until after midnight. Ever since I have been home from break my sleep schedule has been all kinds of out of wack…well let’s face it I’m a college kid it was already pretty out of wack. When I came into my room I hadn’t a clue what I was going to write about, and then I looked in my mirror and it clicked. Now, don’t get me wrong this has nothing to do with weight loss but I’m sure it can be linked, and I will like it and it will only make this journey a bit easier for me.
Of the people who know me, many of them now of my latest obsession over vampires. Now I’m not talking the Twilight brand of vampires I’m talking the Vampire Diaries kind. I was watching a few episodes tonight and a lot of it revolved around the fact that in a Vampire’s mind they can block certain things out. They can just make themselves forget the bad, or the good if they so choose. They can block out certain emotions that they don’t want to feel. For me, I am an extremely emotional person. I feel absolutely everything. I let every single thing get under my skin. I’m not the kind of person who can just go out and do something crazy and live with the consequences like it was nothing. I would think about it until it drove me absolutely crazy. But then I thought about it. I thought about my past and everything that I have been through in the past few years. There are some things that I can flip the switch on and some things that I can’t. One thing I know for sure is that everything my family says to me gets under my skin and that is a switch that I have not yet learned to flip. One of the biggest switches that I have flipped was a guy. He was who I consider my first real love, and I was obsessed. Honestly looking back I was the kind of crazy person that I would hate. I let him control me, and I didn’t care. So many times he pushed me away, but I couldn’t help myself and I always went back. In August I finally flipped the switch. I cut him off. I changed my number; I blocked him from facebook, and skype. Of course I think about him, but I’m doing well and I’m not going crazy over him anymore. I don’t need him; I don’t need to feel the way he treated me…which was like absolute dirt. I flipped the switch. Of course I still have feelings for him and I always will, and I’m sure it will come back extremely strong the next time I see him, and he is the first one I think of when I am lonely, but I don’t need that not anymore.
I need to focus on flipping the switch on all of the negativity that has overcome my life. & I need to not let everyone’s comments get to me like they do. It is my opinion of myself that matters, not anyone else’s. Subconsciously I have already started to flip the switch on old friendships and things of that nature, because I need to stay positive always. If I can’t flip the switch…if none of us were able to flip the switch, we wouldn’t be able to survive in this world, because the emotion and stress would drive us all mad. I’m really hoping that within the next year and all of the positive changes that are going on in my life that I can flip the switch on a few more things and a few more people, because it will be extremely beneficial for me. & who knows, maybe I can flip the switch on my binge eating, and my unhealthy eating habits!
Sorry this didn’t have much to do with my weight loss journey, but sometimes you just have to say what is on your mind, and today this was on mine. I hope that you are all doing well!