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Fifth Graders' Exam answers

Saturday, January 05, 2013

The following are all actual quotes from 11 year-olds' science exams:

"Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water."

"When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire."

"H20 is hot water, and CO2 is cold water."

"To collect fumes of sulphur, hold down a deacon over a flame in a test tube"

"When you smell an odourless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide"

"Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state"

"Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes, and caterpillars."

"Blood flows down one leg and up the other."

"Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration."

"The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader."

"Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire."

"A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold."

"Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas."

"The body consists of three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five - a, e, I, o and u."

"Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away."

"Planet: A body of earth surrounded by sky."

"Rhubarb: a kind of celery gone bloodshot."

"Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives."

"Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative."

"To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose."

"For a nosebleed: put the nose much lower than the body until the heart stops."

"For drowning: climb on top of the person and move up and down to make Artificial Perspiration."

"For Fainting: Rub the person's chest or, if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest medical doctor."

"For dog bite: put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it."

"For asphyxiation: Apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead."

"To prevent contraception: wear a condominium."

"For head cold: use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat."

"To keep milk from turning sour: keep it in the cow."

"The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects."

"The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana."

"The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to."

"A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars and eight cuspidors."

"The tides are a fight between the Earth and Moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight."

"A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is."

"Equator: A managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa."

"Germinate: To become a naturalized German."

"Liter: A nest of young puppies."

"Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat."

I think I may actually be smarter than THESE 5th graders. emoticon

Member Comments About This Blog Post:


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SUSHENO 1/7/2013 7:35PM

    Some are quite creative. emoticon for sharing.

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DIANNEMT 1/7/2013 7:05PM

    I teach 5th graders at a local park--yep, lots of these sound right. Makes you wonder about the future scientists of our country.....

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LIS193 1/6/2013 11:24AM


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BUTEAFULL 1/6/2013 11:04AM

    be afraid be very afraid

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SHARJOPAUL 1/6/2013 11:03AM

Sounds like they didn't have quite enough information to really understand what was being taught.,

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ILOVEROSES 1/6/2013 8:57AM

    Thank you for making me laugh emoticon

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0309COOKIE 1/6/2013 5:10AM

    Some fine young intellectuals here.

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LIVINGFREE19 1/6/2013 12:14AM


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DR1939 1/5/2013 11:15PM


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1HAPPYSPIRIT 1/5/2013 10:51PM


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ANHELIC 1/5/2013 10:27PM

    It's amazing what kids will say.

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TWEETYKC00 1/5/2013 12:57PM

    too cute!

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GINNABOOTS 1/5/2013 12:54PM

    Very cute.

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LINDA! 1/5/2013 11:12AM

    So cute!

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TINY67 1/5/2013 10:36AM

    What the? They or their teachers are not doing what they're suppose to be doing. They are funny though.

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SALIJACKT 1/5/2013 10:28AM

    Oh my goodness, these are awesome! Thanks so much for the smile (and occasional giggle) emoticon

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GINA180847 1/5/2013 10:26AM

    These kids need tweaking.

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SLIMMERJESSE 1/5/2013 9:24AM

    Thanks for the smile to start my day. Have a good one!

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EVER-HOPEFUL 1/5/2013 8:48AM

    well i hope i inspire people when i while i breath,lol. emoticon

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SUNSET09 1/5/2013 8:32AM

  Out of the month of babes! They know their science! How cute and thanx for the comic relief! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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IDLETYME 1/5/2013 7:51AM

    You can tell they really thought these answers out! Cute!!! emoticon

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    Oh, my gosh - too funny!

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SHERYLDS 1/5/2013 5:59AM

    I think they should all have gotten partial credit for creativity.

Loved the skeleton definition

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SEAWILLOW 1/5/2013 5:43AM

    emoticon your blogs always put a smile on my face!

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GAYLE-G-63 1/5/2013 3:54AM

    It's amazing how kids interpret words and ideas! =)

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NITTINNANA 1/5/2013 2:08AM

    And we call this education?

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FITANDFIFTY2 1/5/2013 2:02AM

    Oh I loved these answers... Children do say the darnest things! emoticon

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MIRFA71 1/5/2013 1:52AM

    Those were some cute answers. emoticon

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SLIMINDOWN31 1/5/2013 1:01AM


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SONYALATRECE 1/5/2013 12:38AM

    Wow! Back to the drawing board FOR REAL!

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