Friday, January 04, 2013
I'm above averagely tired. I have not been sleeping well. I dont know what my deal is. its kinda scary. it takes me forever to get to sleep at night. like an hour or more of laying there just thinking thinking thinking. and then if i wake up any time after like 4 am for any little reason, thats it. i cant get back to sleep for hours. its been going on for a couple weeks now and i dont know where its coming from. now that im back to work and cant take a nap if i need to, its worrysome. i hope i can get back into a fitness routine and that will help me be ready for bed.
so im happy i got to the Y tonight. i wanted to get there for zumba but that didnt happen. im a little distraught thats its proving to be so challenging so far. i knew it would be but man! everyday is something else. today we had to go grocery shopping. wed already put it off so it had to be done. so we stopped for dinner. i was good and stayed in my range all day again. (yay!) and then went to the store. so it was after 7 by the time we got to the Y. We all went. that meant we had less than an hour because the childcare thing only goes till 8. But we only have 1 working vehicle at the moment so i didnt want to run them all the way back to the house, unload groceries and then come back out. i knew that would blow my resolve. so i only got in 2 miles before we had to get the kids. 2 painful miles. running on the treadmill bothers my calves even more than the pavement! i hope its just that i need to get used to it. so annoying!! i stopped to stretch and walk a bit. i know my endurance is down anyway cuz i havent been running. still i was disappointed that its wasnt very comfortable. - i mean even less so that exercise generally is. At least I did it. I'll just have to build back up. I also felt SOOOOOOOOOO out of place. I felt more fat and inferior than i have in a long time. i hate that i do that. The whole time, i was just picking on myself mentally... like ashamed of myself. its so engrained in my to that sometimes. i cant stop. i tried. i just thought, "it doesnt matter. i cant change anything this minute. im here for me. not anyone else. it doesnt matter what anyone thinks of me. and if i keep at it, ill look better eventually." thats about the best i could do for a pep talk. it worked kind of.
So tomorrow, about the only class i could get to is zumba bright and early at 815. i know its going to depend on how well i sleep. if i have a bad night, theres no way ill be able to get myself to go. but i hope i can. i want to make the most of it, if i dont then i wont work out tomorrow cuz im taking the kids to my friends all day. that will fry me. So i hope i can make myself go. its soooo intimidating though!!! and it will probably be really crowded. yikes!! im having anxiety just thinking about it. i know i need to push through it. i hope i can.
Anyway, as for my streaks for the week 11 challenge, ive been doing terrible with them. i cant stay consistent with anything, even with no holiday to throw me off. so this whole month, since thanksgiving has been kind of a wash. BUT the last few days ive gone really well. this is my 3rd day tracking, my 2nd day in range. thats pretty good compared to how ive been lately. plus ive been getting tons of fruit and veg. water has been so-so. i got it all in yesterday but not today. i struggle with it because i get really sick of peeing all the time.
so, thats how that is. theres a slight possibility ill see a loss tomorrow on the scale. not holding my breath but it could happen. The Mamas havent been doing great with the weigh-ins. I hope i can help pull (make that lose) my weight from here on out. Go Bahama Mamas!