Help me help myself
Friday, January 04, 2013
In December 2010, my 20 year old brother was diagnosed with diabetes. My 31 year old brother already had diabetes, as did my mother.
I weighed 335 lbs and the most exercise I got was a mile walk with a baby on my back. Frequent GTTs during pregnancies had showed my blood sugar was excellent, and my blood pressure was usually under 100/65, but I was a ticking time bomb. Not to mention that I took up two seats on the Metro, bumped into walls, had no lap to speak of, and had trouble finding clothing even at Lane Bryant.
About two weeks after getting that news I started calorie counting and took to jogging in place while doing housework. A month later, my firm moved to a new office with a gym and I started using the gym 3 times a week. By early March my weight was down to 300 lbs -- and I was pregnant with my fourth child.
I lost another 15 lbs during the first few months of pregnancy (eating well, exercising well, with medical support) and then maintained until I gave birth. After the birth I was down to 270 or so.
And then I went to pieces. I don't know why. Maybe it started when I was on an extremely restrictive diet to identify my baby's intolerances (soy and legumes). Maybe it was the sleep deprivation. Six months after my baby was born, I weighed 295 lbs. Seven months later, I finally stepped back on a scale and I weighed 315. That's probably an inflated number, as I stepped on in desperation in the evening after a weekend of no sleep and much sugar, but that's okay -- this way I'll get some immediate good news next Monday when I weigh again. There's nothing like quick success for reinforcement of good behavior.
That number is not the only reason I am back here. In fact, I stepped on the scale knowing I was coming back -- that was the first step. The real reason I am back is that my weight is only a symptom of a life out of control. I am in close to the worst shape of my adult life -- I cannot jog more than a block. I lose my temper with my kids on a regular basis. I could not look at a bag of candy without eating it -- the whole thing. I can binge even on healthy food -- I would cook 2 cups of sushi rice planning to make dinner for the family and then eat the whole pot rolled up in nori with avocado and cucumber. Healthy, right? Not at that volume!
So my main goal is control. Self control.
And I need accountability. I need to post at least every week and I need people to be reading my posts -- and holding me to account when I fail.
Since Monday is my weigh in day, I will also make it my goal-posting day.
Will you help me?