Friday, January 04, 2013
I feel rather ashamed and disappointed in myself. I am here again and love this site. I feel foolish and ashamed saying that this time is going to be different. It has taken me years to lose just 30 lbs. LOL I have been back and forth on this site for years and each time I say, "this time I'm going to do it." and each time I say that I truly mean it. Life happens and exercise becomes boring and well.. years later I am only 30lbs down and I kick myself because I could be already at my goal weight. My weight has been a hinderence to me all my life. I don't do things because I am ashamed or afraid I'll get hurt or embarrassed to even try with people looking at me. How do you get over that? I'm not really sure.
Today I turn 38 and I hate saying that. I remember when I thought that was "SOOOO OLD" lol. Now I am 38 and I sit here trying to convince myself that I'm not old at all. It's silly I know but I think maybe we all do that. I am a college student and the young 18 year old girls in my class thought I was in my mid 20's which is wonderful.. but I wish I fel that way.
From another stand point- I'm a Christian and I feel trapped inside a body that keeps me from connecting with people. I I want to be delivered from this awful place. I remember a couple years ago losing 60lbs. I was under 300lbs and making my way to 250 and I felt great! I was more confident and I'm not really sure why I stopped and headed back up. I'd like to kick myself for that.
My first goal is to lose 15 lbs so I can be under 300 lbs again. That is what I want to do. 15lbs shouldn't be that hard. Right!?!?!?!? I think that will give me the motivation to continue with small goals and make it down to 250 and then on and on.
If anyone actually reads this- please feel free to offer advise. I can always use soem insight.