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Trying to kill the nerve endings

Thursday, January 03, 2013

My boss has been on the warpath for days. Today she went around and reamed each of us in front of all the others. She actually hinted at firing me. I'm ashamed to admit this, but there are times that I almost wish something bad would happen to me so I don't have to go there.

It's not just work. I've been battling a stomach bug of some sort for several days, and the depression is beating me up again. I almost hate talking about it because people tell me that I'm "wallowing," that I'm "choosing" to feel this way because I must enjoy it! I fight it as hard as I can but I'm only human and I don't always win.

I'm just really discouraged. I wish I could stop feeling anything.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Sounds like you've got a lot of things on your plate that is making it difficult to regulate your emotions.

    Here are some suggestions:

    You may want to try EFT, or tapping. There's several instructional videos on the internet. You'll feel silly doing them, but then that's good too.

    I don't know if you get SADD, that seasonal depression dysfunction... if you do, you may want to look into light therapy.
    Also helpful is adding Vitamin D, check to see if you're low.
    Fish oils and adding greens to your diet is another idea.
    Gentle exercise and getting enuf sleep every nite will go a long way towards helping you deal with the stress in your life.
    The point here is to fortify your body, so that you can deal with whatever is thrown in you path.

    As for your boss, sadly it sounds she's not a very happy person and seems to enjoy acting out on others. Realize she has problems, and her problems aren't yours. You need to protect yourself from toxic people like this, so that you can function. Resolve not to let her affect you. Every time you hear her go into one of her tirades, think to yourself how difficult it must be to be her... to carry all that anger inside.

    Try to find someone who is non judgmental that you can talk to.
    Do something positive for youself that you enjoy, a treat of some kind.

    Realize that sometimes the only way out is thru. That certain moods require to pass thru them, examine them....that nothing lasts forever, good or bad, that this too shall pass. Look for what the experience is trying to teach you.

    These are all methods to turn things around where you are the one in control... rather than the mood or the circumstance.

    From one who has been there
    : )

    1894 days ago
    Depression is not a choice. You can chose whether to listen to them. but if you are writing out your feelings instead of acting on them that is a good start.

    You can do this, You can press forward. You can make today a good day. You are strong enough. If i were you i'd start to look for another job with a more positive atmosphere.

    There was a story i heard once, that may help you.
    There was a young boy who notice something strange about his father.
    Everyday when his father would come home from work he would stand at the window and watch as his father got out of the car slam the car door mutter something angry to himself then walk over to the tree in the front yard.

    Once his father approached the tree he would touch one leaf and whisper something and walk inside happy, ready to give his kids a hug.

    So one day the boy asked his father what he said to the tree, The father said, every time when he has had a hard say at work he goes to his "worry tree" touches a leaf and says what it was that day that made it so hard and what needs to be done tomorrow. Then when he comes home he doesnt have to worry about work. He can just be with his family. In the morning when he goes to work he walks by the tree again and picks up his worries from the day before and realizes they were not so bad.
    1896 days ago
    Sorry work is rough for you right now. I know your pain. I always liked the quote "nothing very bad or very good lasts very long" so, hopefully, this too shall pass.
    1896 days ago
    emoticon Hope you are soon feeling better. Those stomach 'bugs' can be very nasty. Take care of yourself.

    1897 days ago
    emoticon Hope you are feeling better!
    1897 days ago
    Hang in there.
    1898 days ago
    Oh, dear, that stomach bug hit me hard on New Years. Hope you are recovering quickly. You do know your boss is (understatement follows) not a very kind or nice human being. Let go of getting any job satisfaction from her. I know from your descriptions that you are dynamite at your job and so do those you work with.
    I wish just one day of depression on those who think we wallow in it and should just snap out of it. Ask them if they would say the same thing to a diabetic!!!
    1898 days ago
    1898 days ago
    emoticon Hope you beat the bug soon...
    1898 days ago
    I'm sorry your boss appears to be bi-polar and takes it out on the office staff when she feels under pressure. Reaming out her staff publicly is very poor management policy. Is she top management, or is there someone else who you could appeal to, providing it doesn't jeopardize your job? It's usually better if the whole staff brings a complaint of bad supervision, but unfortunately your co-workers don't seem to be too cooperative either, and I'd hate for you to spearhead a revolt and find yourself a parade of one in the HR office.

    Frankly, rather than something happening to you to get you out of this situation, I'd be praying for enlightenment to happen to her, so she gets treatment for her condition.

    Meanwhile, sending you love and light, and prayers for a winning lottery ticket. emoticon
    1898 days ago
    Most people who don't have depression can't relate to it. Hope your meds can help you through this rough patch.
    1898 days ago
    emoticon emoticon Hope things get better! emoticon emoticon
    1898 days ago
    1898 days ago
    I agree with the others that people who say you "choose" to feel that way have never had those emotions. My wish for you is that you find happiness in what you want in your life. ((((((BIG HUGS))))))
    1898 days ago
    emoticon I pray things get better soon.
    1899 days ago
    Stomach bug, depression, nasty boss-not good at all! Hugs to you!
    People who think we choose depression as a way of life are simply stupid.
    1899 days ago
    Mary, you are not choosing the depression. It is real and it is fine to talk about it. It actually helps when you do. You will see that you are not alone in your struggles.
    I am sorry your boss is the way she is, she certainly doesn't have the best people skills to get productivity and motivation out of her department. I know you work hard and you do and take everything that is thrown to you. Please don't wish for something to happen to you.
    I hope you get a really good nights sleep and you feel so much better tomorrow, especially the bug you're experiencing right now. AND with out that dragging you further down, you will have more energy to deal with the boss issues!
    Feel better, sleep well, take care of you.
    1899 days ago
    Only someone who has never experienced it would say that you CHOOSE to feel depressed. I'll just leave it at that!

    I too am glad that you felt comfortable to talk about it here. You did the right thing. Wish there was something that could be done or said, but from my end, unfortunately, there isn't anything, except to let you know you have a listening ear and you are not alone.

    1899 days ago
    sorry to see your boss is being so hard on you as for choosing to be depressed that is rubbish I know I do not choose to be sad hugs for you wish could help in some way
    1899 days ago
    sounds like you are getting hit every which one chooses to be depressed. I am glad you decided you could talk about it here! I am also sorry you have a job that treats you that way. No one deserves that. Hope tomorrow is better.
    1899 days ago
    Depression is not something that easily controlled and it takes time and help. Hope you will return to Arthur soon
    1899 days ago
    Depression is definitely not something that one "chooses" to feel. I hope that things get better for you at work and at home. Nobody should wish that something bad would happen to themselves. Have you checked into getting meds to help with depression?
    1899 days ago
    Wish I could offer you a new job that you loved, and a magic cure for feeling the blues. No one "chooses" to feel that way. And you can't just snap out of it any time you want. I understand what you mean when you say you wish you could stop feeling anything. Try to remember the good stuff, and give yourself time. You know these feelings will pass, eventually. I'll be praying for you.
    emoticon emoticon
    1899 days ago
    I feel for you with all you are dealing with. I have been dealing with ongoing pain issues for a while and yes, we are indeed only human and sometimes life can be overwhelming. I am sorry to hear you have the work issues to contend with as well. I sure hope life improves for you soon.

    Blessings and hugs, Nattacia

    1899 days ago
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