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Broken heart? Maybe.

Thursday, January 03, 2013

Today was my second day of the new college quarter, and my very first time juggling a full student workload. About 11:00 last night I broke down. I had no sleep for three days, the new hybrid system wasn't working, and I couldn't figure out my assignments. On top of that, my psychology book hadn't come in, and I have an assignment due on Sunday.

New day though. Attended health class this morning, and even though health is a drag because our first topic was obesity problems, I still may like this class. Why? Because there is one shy girl that took a liking to me...and there are never any nice people around this area. Note to self: snag her as a friend. I calmed down, and my nervous break down is over. My shaking stopped about 10:00 today. (Felt my cheeks burning during the obesity discussion though, beings I was the only heftier girl in class). I shrugged that off though, because the teacher was so clear and informative that I think I can handle the war on fat discussions.

So, confidence restored...I walked into the student center to get help from others on navigating my hybrid pe cross training class online. One really cool guy helped, an ok girl who loved her been pole fitness self, and her fat husband. Her husband is what broke me today. He comes in, kissing and hugging on her while I'm trying to listen and figure out what the mean with these instructions...and all of a sudden he took notice of my size. He sneered at me and begun to make comments about how I need to workout, actually get up and train like hiss wife because " look how skinny she is. " then suggested a gym membership would help. This guy was in his thirties I bet, not exactly dainty drawers himself, gangster clothing, but has four kids with this skinny woman. Here I am at nineteen, being picked on by the likes of him. Go choke on a donut whole you fiend.

I was feeling pretty good about myself in the morning. Had a great outfit on, and I felt like I belonged. Then he crushed it, revisited the mirror...and I only have a small glimmer of that confidence left. When will this struggle end? Now I'm feeling slightly guilty about being hungry...and somehow the thought slipped in my mind that I should feel guilty for being tired too.

So I'm the positive warrior. I believe I'll see success. I still believe, although my pep was slightly punctured today,

Even a warrior cries. Even a warrior breaks...and right now...I'm broken.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Thank! I'll probably be doing what you said. I also asked for help on how to fully navigate my online hybrid PE class, and all they did was giggle and discuss things with each other, not giving me any straight answers. Now here I sit, not understand still how to navigate this class, or how anything works in it. It's just horrible!
    1904 days ago
    I think it's just a good idea to email someone working in the student center so they know that your experience wasn't what it should be. They should make sure their employees try their best to facilitate a welcoming and friendly environment. I hope you don't have another experience like that! College is supposed to be a liberating experience where you feel more accepted than you might have felt in high school. Stay positive!
    1904 days ago
    Thanks for the advice. I believe though his wife is just an older student that was called upon by an employee to help him explain things to me. However, I think what you said would still apply right? I mean, wasn't it his place to shut that guy up as he was throwing in his snide remarks? This student center is new at my college, so I don't know too much about how it works quite yet.

    Oh yea, we have to measure ours coming up, and I'm sooo not looking forward to that. I love nutritional studies, if only i looked the part! haha. Yea it does suck, but your right, better to face the fact I guess.
    1904 days ago
    That's not okay. You said that man did that to you in the student center and his wife was an employee there? Don't sit down and take that...take action. An employee at a student center is to facilitate a nice environment for everyone. Yeah that man didn't work there, but he was associated with an employee and she should have kept an eye on him. There should be no discrimination in a college because it's the place where people learn about our differences. Some people don't realize that making those comments that that man made were discriminatory and down right mean. You should write an email (you don't have to put your name in it) to the head of the student center if you can find that person or just anyone in the student center. Letting them know that there is a problem will help you release anger and sadness. You're not the problem or in the wrong because you're not the most fit person; he is the problem and it needs fixed.

    Ok done ranting lol. My second semester of college, I took a nutrition class and obesity was a topic and it was embarrassing for me too. One time, my professor had us measure our body fat! We didn't announce our measurements but I felt like I was when I had to put the tape measure around me. I kinda got over it because there were a few other chubby girls with me but it wasn't fun to face myself head on. It's funny, because this semester I am a supplemental instruction leader for that nutrition class and I'm going to have to talk about obesity myself to the students when I hold study sessions. I guess it's better to learn about it than to try to hide it from ourselves all the time...but it sucks....but it's good....but it sucks. haha
    1905 days ago
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