Thursday, January 03, 2013
Today was my second day of the new college quarter, and my very first time juggling a full student workload. About 11:00 last night I broke down. I had no sleep for three days, the new hybrid system wasn't working, and I couldn't figure out my assignments. On top of that, my psychology book hadn't come in, and I have an assignment due on Sunday.
New day though. Attended health class this morning, and even though health is a drag because our first topic was obesity problems, I still may like this class. Why? Because there is one shy girl that took a liking to me...and there are never any nice people around this area. Note to self: snag her as a friend. I calmed down, and my nervous break down is over. My shaking stopped about 10:00 today. (Felt my cheeks burning during the obesity discussion though, beings I was the only heftier girl in class). I shrugged that off though, because the teacher was so clear and informative that I think I can handle the war on fat discussions.
So, confidence restored...I walked into the student center to get help from others on navigating my hybrid pe cross training class online. One really cool guy helped, an ok girl who loved her been pole fitness self, and her fat husband. Her husband is what broke me today. He comes in, kissing and hugging on her while I'm trying to listen and figure out what the mean with these instructions...and all of a sudden he took notice of my size. He sneered at me and begun to make comments about how I need to workout, actually get up and train like hiss wife because " look how skinny she is. " then suggested a gym membership would help. This guy was in his thirties I bet, not exactly dainty drawers himself, gangster clothing, but has four kids with this skinny woman. Here I am at nineteen, being picked on by the likes of him. Go choke on a donut whole you fiend.
I was feeling pretty good about myself in the morning. Had a great outfit on, and I felt like I belonged. Then he crushed it, revisited the mirror...and I only have a small glimmer of that confidence left. When will this struggle end? Now I'm feeling slightly guilty about being hungry...and somehow the thought slipped in my mind that I should feel guilty for being tired too.
So I'm the positive warrior. I believe I'll see success. I still believe, although my pep was slightly punctured today,
Even a warrior cries. Even a warrior breaks...and right now...I'm broken.