Thursday, January 03, 2013
I have to tell you.. it has been a rough few months.
Around the 25th of October my boyfriend told me to go spend a few days with my dad in Pennsylvania when he heard Hurricane Sandy was coming. He didn't think much of it really. Last year Irene was supposed to hit and Staten Island was very minimally affected. In fact, barely anything happened. I even remember saying to Justin (the boyfriend) that maybe I should pack more things just in case something does happen. It's odd- but I just had this gut feeling to pack more. Justin smiled and said he doubted there was a need, if any water came in it'd probably only be 2 feet at most. So I packed my bag and off I went to Pennsylvania. The morning I got there news channels were already telling everyone to evacuate our area ASAP. I started to worry.
Turns out, what we thought might be a few days at my dad's (I left on Sunday and intended to return on Wednesday) ended up being a three and a half week stay. Turns out, what we thought would be at most 2 feet in the house ended up being 8 feet of water in the house. Turns out-- everything (our place to live, most material items) was gone and everything had changed.
As I struggled to find news coverage on what was happening to our area and tried to make sense of it all I was also in my hometown where most people knew me. People I hadn't seen in years would see me, greet me with huge smiles and ask how I was. Well- I was not well.
Truth is. Things change you, whether you want them to or not. Sometimes change is a choice, sometimes its not. For the past several months I have not felt like myself.
Before I worked out 6 days a week, always had a smile on my face, couldn't wait to be surrounded by people and make new memories. I no longer had energy, I no longer had a desire to work out or even get out of bed at times.. I became seclusive. Truly, I was in a funk. I didn't know what to do, no matter how I tried to be happy I felt like I was a different person. Hurricane Sandy took everything and changed me.
Thank God for small miracles every day. I stayed strong in my faith through everything. When it was likely the hurricane would hit us hard, I told God I would be thankful if He just let my boyfriend & our two dogs live through it (they stayed on the inner part of the Island). God answered my prayer by keeping them all safe. I told God I needed strength to get through this, he provided me with that. I asked God for support in my hard times -- friends I hadn't heard from in years surrounded me, told me how much they cared about me & offered to do ANYTHING for me. People I had only met online (spark people, facebook) had surrounded me with their love & support. Thanks to God, I never felt alone.
Yet, something was missing. I didn't feel like myself. I wasn't happy, I didn't want to work out, I didn't want to do much of anything. I kept praying-- please God let me find who I was or rediscover who You made me to be. I wanted to be happy again, I wanted to be in my work out routine again, BUT MOSTLY I wanted to feel like myself again. Something keep nudging me the past few days.. some little voice kept saying: "I know you don't FEEL like working out, but why not just do it. Once you start, I'm sure you'll feel like you again, I'm sure your passion will reignite and you'll get yourself back. I know you don't feel like you have the energy, but just try. Just make an effort, the rest may come."
I didn't want to, but that little voice was certainly not letting me make an alternative decision. So I put in a workout DVD, I didn't want to do the workout when I saw the people starting. I even thought of shutting it off. But there came that voice, just attempt! And off I went. With each kick, punch & movement I felt happiness, I felt revived, I felt my passion for fitness returning to me. With each exercise I began to feel more like myself and by the end of the workout-- I wanted MORE. So later on in the day (in fact shortly before writing this) I did a second workout!
Thats right friends, my ship was SUNK, but now I'm out of my FUNK! And you can be too! Sometimes we just need to do something we don't really want to, we don't feel like we have the energy for, and we're not sure we'll even enjoy at the moment to knock ourselves back into our routines. I'm so happy to be back out of my funk & feeling more like myself.
Thank you to my friends, on Spark & beyond who helped support me when I didn't think I could get my momentum back. I'm bacckkkk! :)