I knew I had to wait til after the holidays before I could even attempt to fix all the mistakes I have made with my weight. I knew I had to make a lot of changes and there was so much chaos here, it would have only set me up for yet another failure.

So here I am. New Year. New me...the same old cliche we all chant at midnight on New Years Eve.

I am back at square 1. I was 160 when I got pregnant with my son in 2010. I was 172 when I was released post partum. I hit my goal weight of 130 in the summer of 2011. And today, I sit here at 155. A 25 pound gain. Unfortunately that isn't over a year and half period. I managed to keep off most of my weight until about a year ago. I gained about 10 lbs back over the summer. For some reason, in the last couple of months, I gained the majority of it. I don't feel like I have eaten more or exercised less. But clearly, that is what has happened.

As frustrating as starting over is, its my only choice. I can't pick up in the middle and pretend it was just a slip up. It was a full assasination of my previous healthy self. So, the beginning again it is.

I am slowly working back into this. I am sick now, so exercise is pretty much out of the question. I can barely muster enough energy to take care of my 2 year old, let alone squeeze in a workout. So for now, I am focusing on my portion sizes and eliminating fast food. I figure by next week I will be feeling well enough for exercise, and will work in some sort of workout each day. Contrary to my former plan, I am not specifying what day will be what...because when I don't follow it, I only end up feeling worse about myself, which starts that downhill spiral of failure for me.

That's about all I have for now. I just hope I get myself back in that mindset that brought me success once before.

We are going to Florida/Disney in 5 months. I don't want to be the fat girl hiding on the beach under a tshirt. I won't be the fat girl.