Thursday, January 03, 2013
Well I had nine pages of blogs in 2012. That’s a crazy insane amount – but its therapeutic. I just read my 2011 recap and it was so positive. I lost most of my weight in 2011… not nearly as much as I would have liked in 2012, but I did gain something else. Acceptance.
2011 may have been my battle against my bulge, but 2012 was the battle against my fat brain. I had a major case of fat brain in 2012. The inner fat voice that told me I was still huge, still a fat girl, still full of problems… one donut away from gaining all the weight back.
I started 2011 at 265 and ended it at 199.
I started 2012 at 199 and ended it at 189. I just weighed myself this morning. So all in all I got down to a low of 179 (for about a day) and spent most of 2012 in the 180s. Just reading that kind of makes me a little insane. The weird part is – I’m okay with it. I got nine pounds away from my realistic goal weight (I’m shooting for 170 as a weight I can maintain for life) and really only got sidetracked because I slipped up. Fitness was a priority for me in 2011. I worked hard. I put in the effort.
I did that in 2012 as well, but not to the same extent. After losing that much weight I would plateau for weeks. I would tweak things and work on what I could, but even my body was going “what the heck is wrong with you?!?” from the massive weight loss.
I also had to really stop exercising in the last four months of 2012 because I put myself first and finally got the brachioplasty I’ve always wanted. Basically, I’ve always had fat arms. Not like normal people – but ungodly fat arms. I get this from my mom’s side of the family. I’m not being dramatic here when I say that after I lost weight, I also lost my elbows. All of my upper arm skin sagged down over my elbows so badly it was uncomfortable.
So on August 28th, I went in – paid the plastic surgeon and had my arms reduced. It was painful, but in a good way. Even battered and bruised and swollen I saw how skinny my arms were. A few months after surgery I still don’t have Michelle Obama arms (*swoon) but I have normal arms. On December 11th I went back for a minor revision surgery. There was still a small fat pad on my left elbow I wanted removed. It’s gone – my elbow looks way better and the scar even straightened out after the surgery which helps my OCD ;-)
Unfortunately my small revision on the right side didn’t go as planned. My armpit incision completely opened up. Like ripped open slowly and painfully after they took the stitches out. I saw the doc last week, and he basically said there’s nothing we can do but wait. So its apparently getting better… its still painful… and I can’t really do anything fitness wise. We’re apparently treating this open skin wound like you would a burn. I have petroleum jelly and clean bandages on it. Plus with my tape allergy and adhesive allergy, I have some interesting bandages jerry rigged to stay up. The problem is this is in my armpit – a very flexibly, highly mobile part of your body. Read – annoying.
But if I had to do it over again, I would hands down do the surgeries… I might not take the stitches out so soon though ;-)
But back to my 2012 recap. I started the year a size 10 Gap jean… I’m ending the year a size 8 Gap jean. Barely. My food baby and post-surgery pain debacle led to a 6 pound gain. I was just pleased to still be in the 180s (189—is STILL in the 180s) – I was afraid it was going to be worse.
So a net loss of 10# for a year of work a dedication may sound like a disappointment, but to me, I still see that as an accomplishment. I didn’t GAIN weight. I either maintained or lost weight for the most part. I certainly know more about plateaus though, and coming to terms with my weight. I don’t know if I’m ever going to feel 100% amazing about the number on the scale, but I can tell you that it means a heck of a lot less to me now.
The feeling of health and the post-workout endorphins is what I miss right now. I just need to heal up and get back on track. Also the holidays are over, so now that the cookie plague that descends upon the world in December is gone – I can focus on my food again. I think this is going to be my key for 2013.
2012 was also the year that I finally came into my own in the dating world. I have horror stories… oh the bad dates! They were plentiful in 2012. The short relationships that would only last a few weeks… there were a handful… but luckily in October I hit on this cute tall guy… you read that right I HIT ON HIM! Oh the confidence! And guess what – it worked. I’m still dating him. He’s my main motivation for 2013 because apparently he wants to put a ring on it ;-)
I’m trying to not rush into anything, or plan a ridiculous wedding on Pinterest, but… yea… my mom even started to question our relationship, but considering she married my dad 78 days after meeting him at a New Year’s Eve party 31 years ago – she can’t say much.
So even though I had my rough patches in 2012 and ONLY lost 10 pounds, I’d consider 2012 a year of success for myself. Now that I’ve got my brain in the game and almost conquered my inner fat girl voice (I mean I wear mediums now… I’m not fat – I’m tall and curvy and happy with myself) – 2013 will be the year I keep on keeping on. I’m not setting any crazy goals for 2013 other than A) write my thesis and graduate and B) find a job. That’s enough pressure there. I’m going to keep my food goals in mind and workout when I get the green light. I’m not going to go any low-carb/keto/paleo nonsense. I’m going to do what works, eating clean and fresh… and praying for summer to come early so that the farmers market will open again! I have my best weight loss in the spring and summer when the fruit is fresh and the air is warm.
Here’s to 2013 being another good year.