2012 Year In Review

Thursday, January 03, 2013

Well I had nine pages of blogs in 2012. That’s a crazy insane amount – but its therapeutic. I just read my 2011 recap and it was so positive. I lost most of my weight in 2011… not nearly as much as I would have liked in 2012, but I did gain something else. Acceptance.

2011 may have been my battle against my bulge, but 2012 was the battle against my fat brain. I had a major case of fat brain in 2012. The inner fat voice that told me I was still huge, still a fat girl, still full of problems… one donut away from gaining all the weight back.

I started 2011 at 265 and ended it at 199.

I started 2012 at 199 and ended it at 189. I just weighed myself this morning. So all in all I got down to a low of 179 (for about a day) and spent most of 2012 in the 180s. Just reading that kind of makes me a little insane. The weird part is – I’m okay with it. I got nine pounds away from my realistic goal weight (I’m shooting for 170 as a weight I can maintain for life) and really only got sidetracked because I slipped up. Fitness was a priority for me in 2011. I worked hard. I put in the effort.

I did that in 2012 as well, but not to the same extent. After losing that much weight I would plateau for weeks. I would tweak things and work on what I could, but even my body was going “what the heck is wrong with you?!?” from the massive weight loss.

I also had to really stop exercising in the last four months of 2012 because I put myself first and finally got the brachioplasty I’ve always wanted. Basically, I’ve always had fat arms. Not like normal people – but ungodly fat arms. I get this from my mom’s side of the family. I’m not being dramatic here when I say that after I lost weight, I also lost my elbows. All of my upper arm skin sagged down over my elbows so badly it was uncomfortable.

So on August 28th, I went in – paid the plastic surgeon and had my arms reduced. It was painful, but in a good way. Even battered and bruised and swollen I saw how skinny my arms were. A few months after surgery I still don’t have Michelle Obama arms (*swoon) but I have normal arms. On December 11th I went back for a minor revision surgery. There was still a small fat pad on my left elbow I wanted removed. It’s gone – my elbow looks way better and the scar even straightened out after the surgery which helps my OCD ;-)

Unfortunately my small revision on the right side didn’t go as planned. My armpit incision completely opened up. Like ripped open slowly and painfully after they took the stitches out. I saw the doc last week, and he basically said there’s nothing we can do but wait. So its apparently getting better… its still painful… and I can’t really do anything fitness wise. We’re apparently treating this open skin wound like you would a burn. I have petroleum jelly and clean bandages on it. Plus with my tape allergy and adhesive allergy, I have some interesting bandages jerry rigged to stay up. The problem is this is in my armpit – a very flexibly, highly mobile part of your body. Read – annoying.

But if I had to do it over again, I would hands down do the surgeries… I might not take the stitches out so soon though ;-)

But back to my 2012 recap. I started the year a size 10 Gap jean… I’m ending the year a size 8 Gap jean. Barely. My food baby and post-surgery pain debacle led to a 6 pound gain. I was just pleased to still be in the 180s (189—is STILL in the 180s) – I was afraid it was going to be worse.

So a net loss of 10# for a year of work a dedication may sound like a disappointment, but to me, I still see that as an accomplishment. I didn’t GAIN weight. I either maintained or lost weight for the most part. I certainly know more about plateaus though, and coming to terms with my weight. I don’t know if I’m ever going to feel 100% amazing about the number on the scale, but I can tell you that it means a heck of a lot less to me now.

The feeling of health and the post-workout endorphins is what I miss right now. I just need to heal up and get back on track. Also the holidays are over, so now that the cookie plague that descends upon the world in December is gone – I can focus on my food again. I think this is going to be my key for 2013.

2012 was also the year that I finally came into my own in the dating world. I have horror stories… oh the bad dates! They were plentiful in 2012. The short relationships that would only last a few weeks… there were a handful… but luckily in October I hit on this cute tall guy… you read that right I HIT ON HIM! Oh the confidence! And guess what – it worked. I’m still dating him. He’s my main motivation for 2013 because apparently he wants to put a ring on it ;-)

I’m trying to not rush into anything, or plan a ridiculous wedding on Pinterest, but… yea… my mom even started to question our relationship, but considering she married my dad 78 days after meeting him at a New Year’s Eve party 31 years ago – she can’t say much.

So even though I had my rough patches in 2012 and ONLY lost 10 pounds, I’d consider 2012 a year of success for myself. Now that I’ve got my brain in the game and almost conquered my inner fat girl voice (I mean I wear mediums now… I’m not fat – I’m tall and curvy and happy with myself) – 2013 will be the year I keep on keeping on. I’m not setting any crazy goals for 2013 other than A) write my thesis and graduate and B) find a job. That’s enough pressure there. I’m going to keep my food goals in mind and workout when I get the green light. I’m not going to go any low-carb/keto/paleo nonsense. I’m going to do what works, eating clean and fresh… and praying for summer to come early so that the farmers market will open again! I have my best weight loss in the spring and summer when the fruit is fresh and the air is warm.

Here’s to 2013 being another good year.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    The fat brain is a powerful force, both as motivator, and paradoxically, as demotivator, when it starts telling you that you can't stop being fat. Congrats on shunting it aside, so as to let the rational brain take charge. And congrats on a good year in general.

    G'luck on the job thing!
    1904 days ago
    Wow. What a thorough job. Body AND mind redesigned. Excellent!
    1905 days ago
    I like that concept, you conquered your "fat brain!" It makes a lot of sense.

    Sounds like you had a great year, and great optimism for the new one! emoticon
    1906 days ago
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