Thursday, January 03, 2013
So on tuesday when I made my last entry, I was doing really good when it came to eating.....until my husband came home from work. He brought home pizza from work for me. Which was really nice of him because he knows pizza is my most favorite food. And of course I had second thoughts about it. But I reasoned with myself that one slice wasn't going to hurt. Well one slice turned into both slices. Which I guess is ok if I would have replaced dinner with that pizza. But my mentality needs to change. Whenever I eat something bad I think that I've ruined the whole day and then why not eat other horrible foods? I then ate cheese curls, a nutty bar, and drank a can of pop. And to top it off later that night we went through taco bell. I was so disappointed in myself. I hated the way I felt. I always hate the way I feel after I stuff myself and whenever I put junk in my body
Then comes Wednesday. I started off doing really good. I made a breakfast sandwich for breakfast using whole wheat bread, turkey sausage, an egg white, and a little bit of cheese. I drank 24 ounces of water with it. Then for a snack I had a luna bar. I absolutely love those. For lunch I made a turkey sandwich on whole wheat bread with minimal mayo. And I had 4 organic blue corn tortilla chips in it just to give it some crunch. I had another 24 ounces of water with it. I was very proud of myself for making healthier choices. During the past almost 2 months I have been laid off. So I have been watching my friend's 2 year old daughter. Some days she can be such an angel. And other days the complete opposite. And yesterday was one of the days she was being the complete opposite. She cried and whined all day. Nothing I did could make her content. And to top it off I had a headache since I woke up that did not go away til I went to sleep. So by the time she got picked up I was exhausted, stressed and not feeling well. So out of habit I ordered us pizza. It sounded so good. I justified my reasoning for it. When we ate, I felt horrible AGAIN. It didn't even taste good.
So last night I told my husband that I think I'm a food addict. He says "It's ok to be a food addict. We were made to enjoy foods. If not, we wouldn't have taste buds." And then he says, " We just need to be addicted to healthy foods." And i thought to myself, "He is very right." I have been on this weight loss rollercoaster for years now. I remember at one point when I'm eating healthy, I crave healthier foods. And even then, unhealthy foods don't taste as good as I remember. I'm ready to be at that point again. I'm almost 30. My first small goal is 30 lbs. by the time I turn 30 (which is in may). I think that is a reasonable goal. Although more would be great.
So I added a little more to the original plan. No more pop. No more pizza, unless its from Mama Mimi's, which is a local take n bake pizza place that has spa pizzas that have half the fat, carbs, and calories. And they are DELICIOUS! I also need to learn to control my portions. Also we will be having one cheat day a week. So that way we don't end up binging for days. It's happenend before. I realize this must be a lifestyle change and not a "diet".
Today for breakfast I made a sandwich like yesterday except I had turkey bacon instead of sausage. For a snack I had a cup of cantaloupe. For lunch I will be having a fruit smoothie. And for dinner I'm making chicken parmesan using whole wheat panko bread crumbs over brown rice pasta. Monday we will start Insanity. I'm super excited about that. Until then we will be working out here at home with other fitness dvds or going to the gym. I know I can do this!