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    BELFASTBIKER   23,161
20,000-24,999 SparkPoints

My NeverEnding Morbid Obesity.

Thursday, January 03, 2013

Iím 5í6Ē @ 263 lbs. Over 40% Body Fat, and over 40 on the BMI Scale. Morbidly Obese, easily. (Was 330 lbs at my heaviest.) Fairly recently was at 242 lbs, so overall Iím not happy.

Thankfully Iíve avoided Diabetes and Dangerously High Blood Pressure somehow - I even have Excellent Cholesterol Results.

* But I hate being Fat. *

Appearance-wise, Finding Clothes Sucks. In normal shops itís Impossible, as my Waist is currently 45Ē. (Down from 56Ē.) My lady has pointed me to some sites online, but even the thought of shopping in special fat person shops is depressing.

Sleep-wise, my Sleep Apnea is back - yes, weíre back to the person beside me in bed wondering why Iíve stopped breathing, and if Iíll start again. That comes into my nightmares (drowning etc), and the lack of quality sleep does some fecked up things with hormones I donít fully understand which fights results.

Fitness-wise, itís pathetic. I used to be able to Walk 10-12miles without thought, now it drains me, so I just donít do it. My Cardio-Vascular system is obviously in need of repair - After starting at 100bpm at my heaviest, my Resting Heart Rate HALVED to 49bpm, but itís back up to 63bpm now. Not atrocious, but itís a fitness indicator I trust. I actually completed a 5K (with difficulty) at one stage, but Iím having to restart the Couch to 5K Running programme, as no way I could do that now. Was into Weight Training at gym in latter half of year, with steady improvements, but Iíve let that lapse.

Diet-wise, atrocious. Carb/Fat heavy, far too much Sugar and High on Processed Food. I havenít bee tracking a thing.

Death-wise, I still get twinges on the left side of my chest, heart area. The left side of my neck/shoulders feelsÖ wrong. I passed out once coughing while playing guitar Hero. More recently, I damn near passed out again. I feel Iím a stroke risk.

Confidence-wise, My lady wanted to put a random picture up of me on the internet, and I refused. Confidence is shot. ItísÖ. depressing.

Where am I now? Iím currently down just under 5 stone, with a good 7 stone or more to go. I KNOW how to lose weight - I lost 6 and a half stone once in my twenties. Itís just that occasionally, I stop doing the things that enable me do this. Maybe itís the cold, the rain, the protests, lack of time, lack of transport, too much stress, there are a myriad of excuses. But nonetheless - I have a good treadmill in the house, I have free weights, resistance bands, a good turbo trainer bike FFS!

I justÖ sabotage myself.

So here I find myself at the start of the new year in desperation.

A healthy load of shopping JUST arrived, I discarded the last of the processed stuff. Got good multivit, green tea caps, fish oil caps, BCAA, creatine powder to back that up.

Iím back to eating Paleo, with Intermittent Fasting. Paleo feels healthier, and fasting helps me eat less of it. Iíll be tracking food and walking/running/cycling/weight
s religiously. I figure 1.5 lbs a week is doable, and the body fat % will come down too with correct nutrition and exercise. Resting Heart rate will get back into the 50ís. Waistline etc will contract, so I can shop in everyday shops.

Hereís to not following mum into an early grave!

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
AMAZONRUNNER 3/9/2013 10:00AM

    So glad to have stumbled across your blog. I am also morbidly obese and must lose at least 160 pounds. I am a former runner and looking at my body in its current condition is almost more than I can bear. I am also following paleo-ish food choices.

I look forward to following your progress and I'm subscribing to your blog! Keep your chin up!

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CAROLINAKIWI 1/8/2013 6:39AM

  It has been a long time since we last communicated. I am sorry you have had such a struggle. I know you will be successful from here on out. I find that argueing with myself really helps. I argue myself out of being a slacker. I hate losing arguements so it usually works!!!
Just an update on my daughter, Debbi. She was accepted in to a trial treatment program. It will be the first time they have done this treatment with a breast cancer patient. It has been successful with colon cancer patients so they are hoping it will work for her. She has been driving 8 hours each way to get the treatment until last week when she got a two week break. After the next appointment she will go once every three weeks. She is a real fighter.
I know you will be too. My prayers are with you. God Bless!

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-POOKIE- 1/4/2013 9:28AM


I'm glad to see you back. That gives me a smile and a hope we can beat that vicious cycle of self sabotage... I'm stuck in it as well and I hate the mess I am making of myself.

If I want a happy future then I have to plan my life as well as a wedding else I won't be in a fit state to live that life.

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BILL60 1/4/2013 7:45AM

    For me, early grave would be a super motivator. I wish you the very best in 2013. Hang tough cause it isn't going to be easy.

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AIRFURY 1/3/2013 9:13PM

    Man, I am right there with you. I know what works for me--I'm not nutritionally stupid--but I just don't do it. I would get sidetracked so easily. I really have refocused on my big goal, joining the US Air Force. I feel like my life is waiting for me and all I have to do is get UP.

You have accomplished so much, and you'll continue to accomplish more. I'm cheering for you. You've always been an inspiration to me, and I have complete faith that if you take it slow and steady and don't try to overdo it (no burning out!), you'll face down your health issues and mental blocks. You're back at it, and that's all that matters!

Comment edited on: 1/3/2013 11:21:32 PM

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MSEMBERSTORM 1/3/2013 3:49PM

    You can do this. It is always tough when we stop and have to start back up. But you are here and you are moving again. You have a plan and you will accomplish this. It is one heck of a journey but it is well worth it. Believe!

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CIPHER1971 1/3/2013 2:43PM

    You only fail if you give up trying.

You can do this and we all want to cheer you on your journey.

Have a great day

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    You have fought your way through quite a bit. I hope that you can find some exercises that will help keep you entertained, rather than be something you have to endure. That's the key for me.

Workouts are boring.

But softball, swimming, climbing, frisbee, rowing? Those are all fun! I WANT to do them -- not to stay fit -- but because I love doing them. I hope you find something that inspires you so you don't have to fight yourself on all fronts.


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DAWN14163 1/3/2013 1:58PM

    You have already lost an impressive amount of weight - congratulations on your success so far. Just take one day at a time, small steps, you can do it. Good luck!

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BELFASTBIKER 1/3/2013 1:32PM

    Just jumped in Couch to 5K at the end of week 5. That was tough as heck...

182bpm peak by the end....

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MRMRMMR 1/3/2013 1:17PM

    Good luck you can do it. think positive

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TMW54812 1/3/2013 12:57PM

    You have a unique ability to be honest with yourself about where you are at. This is a good thing.
You know what to do and you have us for support. You can do this!

tim emoticon

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STONECOT 1/3/2013 12:08PM

    They always say little steps. Change one thing, get used to it then change another. Perhaps work in scheduled 'misbehaving' days, when you allow yourself to eat the foods you love so much, it may keep it sustainable, and once every couple of weeks shouldn't do too much harm. Your regime sounds very hard, which may contribute to your being unable to keep to it long term.

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BRERRABBIT1 1/3/2013 11:42AM

    Good luck, Belfast. And be well!

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LAURIENNES 1/3/2013 11:32AM

  I think it is great that you have lost 67 pounds. You are very hard on yourself. Do you have a "diet buddy" to help you through these phases of self-hating? I know it's hard, but if you can somehow just focus on 1 pound at a time and try to keep from getting depressed and angry, it could help. I live where it is cold and will exercise more in the spring and summer. Is that a problem for you, too? I wish you success...keep up the good work.

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