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My NeverEnding Morbid Obesity.

Thursday, January 03, 2013

I’m 5’6” @ 263 lbs. Over 40% Body Fat, and over 40 on the BMI Scale. Morbidly Obese, easily. (Was 330 lbs at my heaviest.) Fairly recently was at 242 lbs, so overall I’m not happy.

Thankfully I’ve avoided Diabetes and Dangerously High Blood Pressure somehow - I even have Excellent Cholesterol Results.

* But I hate being Fat. *

Appearance-wise, Finding Clothes Sucks. In normal shops it’s Impossible, as my Waist is currently 45”. (Down from 56”.) My lady has pointed me to some sites online, but even the thought of shopping in special fat person shops is depressing.

Sleep-wise, my Sleep Apnea is back - yes, we’re back to the person beside me in bed wondering why I’ve stopped breathing, and if I’ll start again. That comes into my nightmares (drowning etc), and the lack of quality sleep does some fecked up things with hormones I don’t fully understand which fights results.

Fitness-wise, it’s pathetic. I used to be able to Walk 10-12miles without thought, now it drains me, so I just don’t do it. My Cardio-Vascular system is obviously in need of repair - After starting at 100bpm at my heaviest, my Resting Heart Rate HALVED to 49bpm, but it’s back up to 63bpm now. Not atrocious, but it’s a fitness indicator I trust. I actually completed a 5K (with difficulty) at one stage, but I’m having to restart the Couch to 5K Running programme, as no way I could do that now. Was into Weight Training at gym in latter half of year, with steady improvements, but I’ve let that lapse.

Diet-wise, atrocious. Carb/Fat heavy, far too much Sugar and High on Processed Food. I haven’t bee tracking a thing.

Death-wise, I still get twinges on the left side of my chest, heart area. The left side of my neck/shoulders feels… wrong. I passed out once coughing while playing guitar Hero. More recently, I damn near passed out again. I feel I’m a stroke risk.

Confidence-wise, My lady wanted to put a random picture up of me on the internet, and I refused. Confidence is shot. It’s…. depressing.

Where am I now? I’m currently down just under 5 stone, with a good 7 stone or more to go. I KNOW how to lose weight - I lost 6 and a half stone once in my twenties. It’s just that occasionally, I stop doing the things that enable me do this. Maybe it’s the cold, the rain, the protests, lack of time, lack of transport, too much stress, there are a myriad of excuses. But nonetheless - I have a good treadmill in the house, I have free weights, resistance bands, a good turbo trainer bike FFS!

I just… sabotage myself.

So here I find myself at the start of the new year in desperation.

A healthy load of shopping JUST arrived, I discarded the last of the processed stuff. Got good multivit, green tea caps, fish oil caps, BCAA, creatine powder to back that up.

I’m back to eating Paleo, with Intermittent Fasting. Paleo feels healthier, and fasting helps me eat less of it. I’ll be tracking food and walking/running/cycling/weight
s religiously. I figure 1.5 lbs a week is doable, and the body fat % will come down too with correct nutrition and exercise. Resting Heart rate will get back into the 50’s. Waistline etc will contract, so I can shop in everyday shops.

Here’s to not following mum into an early grave!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    So glad to have stumbled across your blog. I am also morbidly obese and must lose at least 160 pounds. I am a former runner and looking at my body in its current condition is almost more than I can bear. I am also following paleo-ish food choices.

    I look forward to following your progress and I'm subscribing to your blog! Keep your chin up!
    1662 days ago
    It has been a long time since we last communicated. I am sorry you have had such a struggle. I know you will be successful from here on out. I find that argueing with myself really helps. I argue myself out of being a slacker. I hate losing arguements so it usually works!!!
    Just an update on my daughter, Debbi. She was accepted in to a trial treatment program. It will be the first time they have done this treatment with a breast cancer patient. It has been successful with colon cancer patients so they are hoping it will work for her. She has been driving 8 hours each way to get the treatment until last week when she got a two week break. After the next appointment she will go once every three weeks. She is a real fighter.
    I know you will be too. My prayers are with you. God Bless!
    1722 days ago
  • -POOKIE-

    I'm glad to see you back. That gives me a smile and a hope we can beat that vicious cycle of self sabotage... I'm stuck in it as well and I hate the mess I am making of myself.

    If I want a happy future then I have to plan my life as well as a wedding else I won't be in a fit state to live that life.
    1726 days ago
  • BILL60
    For me, early grave would be a super motivator. I wish you the very best in 2013. Hang tough cause it isn't going to be easy.
    1726 days ago
    Man, I am right there with you. I know what works for me--I'm not nutritionally stupid--but I just don't do it. I would get sidetracked so easily. I really have refocused on my big goal, joining the US Air Force. I feel like my life is waiting for me and all I have to do is get UP.

    You have accomplished so much, and you'll continue to accomplish more. I'm cheering for you. You've always been an inspiration to me, and I have complete faith that if you take it slow and steady and don't try to overdo it (no burning out!), you'll face down your health issues and mental blocks. You're back at it, and that's all that matters!
    1726 days ago

    Comment edited on: 1/3/2013 11:21:32 PM
    You can do this. It is always tough when we stop and have to start back up. But you are here and you are moving again. You have a plan and you will accomplish this. It is one heck of a journey but it is well worth it. Believe!
    1727 days ago
  • CIPHER1971
    You only fail if you give up trying.

    You can do this and we all want to cheer you on your journey.

    Have a great day
    1727 days ago
    You have fought your way through quite a bit. I hope that you can find some exercises that will help keep you entertained, rather than be something you have to endure. That's the key for me.

    Workouts are boring.

    But softball, swimming, climbing, frisbee, rowing? Those are all fun! I WANT to do them -- not to stay fit -- but because I love doing them. I hope you find something that inspires you so you don't have to fight yourself on all fronts.

    1727 days ago
  • DAWN14163
    You have already lost an impressive amount of weight - congratulations on your success so far. Just take one day at a time, small steps, you can do it. Good luck!
    1727 days ago
    Just jumped in Couch to 5K at the end of week 5. That was tough as heck...

    182bpm peak by the end....

    1727 days ago
    Good luck you can do it. think positive
    1727 days ago
  • TMW54812
    You have a unique ability to be honest with yourself about where you are at. This is a good thing.
    You know what to do and you have us for support. You can do this!

    tim emoticon
    1727 days ago
    They always say little steps. Change one thing, get used to it then change another. Perhaps work in scheduled 'misbehaving' days, when you allow yourself to eat the foods you love so much, it may keep it sustainable, and once every couple of weeks shouldn't do too much harm. Your regime sounds very hard, which may contribute to your being unable to keep to it long term.

    1727 days ago
    Good luck, Belfast. And be well!
    1727 days ago
    I think it is great that you have lost 67 pounds. You are very hard on yourself. Do you have a "diet buddy" to help you through these phases of self-hating? I know it's hard, but if you can somehow just focus on 1 pound at a time and try to keep from getting depressed and angry, it could help. I live where it is cold and will exercise more in the spring and summer. Is that a problem for you, too? I wish you success...keep up the good work.
    1727 days ago
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