Thursday, January 03, 2013
how sad is it that every time I turn to my "Spark Page" I'm still wanting to lose the same 50 lbs? Its not that I lose and gain... I just never lose. If anything I gain a little more each time I check back. This is going on since 2008. Hello?
Every day, I'm aware of my weight, my size and how I look compared to how I want to look. Everyday I pack a frozen dinner and salad for lunch, and everyday I walk my dog, despite the pain in my hip and back. Everyday I have good intentions. That's the key... I have good intentions, but not good follow-through. If I were seriously trying to lose this weight I would be done by now, I would be maintaining, I would be struggling to lose/keep off those dreaded last 10lbs....so what is it?
I'm not happy, I'm not settling, I'm not comfortable in social settings, I'm embarrassed to see old friends, I'm feel unattractive, what is it that keeps me from achieving my weight loss? Is it the fear of losing it only to gain it all back? Is it the fear of not being happy like I thought I would be? Am I lazy and I dont want to fight anymore? WHAT IS IT?